The Woman With The Headscarf

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She could tell that Gunner was surprised by everything she'd just told him. It was a lot to take in and he was speechless by the end of it all. He didn't say anything for a few seconds, only studied Lamees and asked in a concerned tone, "Are you okay?"

She shrugged, unable to put all her conflicting emotions and feelings into words. "I guess?" She responded, hesitant. "I mean, my parents took the whole thing much better than I'd expected, so in a way, that helped a lot. And they haven't said much about you though, but my mom did say that that decision lies solely with me."

"What decision?" He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his green eyes alert. She knew how much he hated the confining space or how short the visiting hours seemed to be. It was still an ongoing battle for him but his parents visited regularly, keeping tabs on him. He had told Lamees that seeing his mom especially helped. "She kind of goes into her therapist mode when she visits," he told Lamees. "That's not a bad thing, I know she's coming from a place of love. But it helps, you know? She listens and tries her best to cheer me up and to get me to pay attention to other things, so spending time here doesn't get too much for me."

Lamees smiled, feeling better merely because Gunner felt better, almost like his moods were so contagious that she couldn't help but mirror them. He also told her that his dad had managed to hire a different lawyer who had talked to Gunner and to the authorities, and had miraculously managed to bring down Gunner's punishment period. He had to spend only a few more weeks until he was free to go.

Lamees had been ecstatic. She knew that she would've hugged him right then and there, if there hadn't been any glass separating the two. And as overjoyed as she was about this news, she had a more pressing matter playing over and over in her mind.

Could her and Gunner truly have a future together?

The choice was left to her and she didn't even need to worry about her parents' disapproval because they both had been very clear about the whole matter. They would love her, no matter what. She just needed to make a choice and be happy with it.

She could see a possible future with Gunner but it would exclude him from certain areas of her life. He wouldn't pray with her, he wouldn't celebrate the religious holidays with her, neither understand their significance. He wouldn't believe in a life after death, like every Muslim did and so his life, for him, would end here. But Lamees knew that hers wouldn't. And she knew that Gunner wouldn't be able to understand that or her beliefs, as hard as he might try to, for her. It wouldn't be his fault, none of it was.

She loved him so much that she wanted a life with him here and in the hereafter. But could she really have him?

It wouldn't be wise to step into any kind of a relationship where your core beliefs didn't match, and hers and Gunner's were polar opposites. Sure, opposites attract and all, but what happens when attraction fades? Love is always necessary in any relationship but without any common beliefs to keep you grounded together, there is no knowing how chaotic things might turn to.

Lamees sighed, not being able to look directly at him and instead tugged on her scarf. "You know, us. Where we go from here."

He picked up on her tone and if he panicked over where this conversation was heading, he didn't show it and calmly asked her, "Well? Where do we go from here?"

She looked at him then, her eyes already on the brink of tears. "I don't know really. I've had this... this conversation in my head a thousand times but I can never get to an answer. I don't want to leave you but I also don't see us working together on a long term basis."

"But we've made it work so far."

"Gunner," she spoke his name softly, so dear to her than her own or anyone else's for that matter. "I mean, realistically, I don't think it's going to work out... and I don't... want us to be so deeply intertwined with each other that when we do realize our mistake, that — that it tears us both apart, just to sever ourselves from each other."

His eyes brimmed with tears and he looked the other way, taking in what she was saying. Lamees knew he wanted her to be more hopeful about their future together, but she loved him too much to even consider possibly hurting him in the future. She couldn't take that chance, she wouldn't be that selfish. Her hands shook as she struggled not to cry too much at seeing his tears.

"Can you give me time to think about this?" He asked her, his voice breaking as the tears steadily steamed down his face.

She sobbed, nodding her head rapidly, unable to say anything. She was hurting him, she was making him cry so much. This was the person she never wanted to see unhappy, so how could she do this to him?

Gunner couldn't look at her again and instead left the room by himself, the guards standing outside his door, escorting him further into the building.

That was the first time that Gunner had left on his own will, and not because the visiting hour was over.