Take Me to My Funeral
By: DinoMadrid
General Fiction / Dark Fiction
Taglish
Disclaimer: I am not a professional critic.
All details are just my opinion. I might be wrong; I might be right. I just provide A PERSPECTIVE that may help you improve your story. Kung paniniwalaan mo man o hindi, susundin mo o hindi, kaiinisan mo or hindi, ay depende na sa'yo.
Warning: The following contain word/s, phrases, sentences or paragraphs that may or may not hurt you. Please read at your own risk.
Legend:
🏅 - 👍 or ❤️
💤 - 👎
🏳️ - suggestions or corrections
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Overall rating: 9.5/10 (Highly recommended)
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*Title
🏅Pagkabasa ko pa lang ay na-excite na akong basahin ang story.
*Cover
🏅Simple yet refined
*Description
🏅Ramdam ko na kaagad na serious and malungkot ang tema
🏳️For me, I'll settle with the phrase, "Have you ever wondered sometimes about your dream funeral?" Kahit walang ibang nakasulat kundi ang phrase na 'yan lang. It's intriguing enough. Pagdating kasi sa description, mas pabor ako kapag nakukuha nito ang curiosity ko kaysa sa technical aspects. Malalaman ko pa rin naman kasi ang characters and plot while reading the story. But, okay lang din naman if may overview. I just thought that utilizing a single phrase is more appealing.
💤 The structure is just a little bit off. You confuse some phrases into sentences.
🏳️ Just a slight fix 👇🏼Suggestion ko lang naman. The decision is still yours.
[Original]
Wross will die soon as it's what he saw in the Future. Counting stars, counting days. This urges him to plan and make his dream funeral before he leaves the world. Shiekah, a keen, gabby and enthusiastic girl who always find its way to disturb and pester Wross' days.
He has no friends or family. She'll become one of his. He believes that this girl would be his first real friend and the one who'll take him to his funeral.
Death is the ultimate reality.
Have you ever wondered sometimes about your dream funeral?
[Edit]
Death is the ultimate reality.
Have you ever wondered sometimes about your dream funeral?
Wross had seen his death in the near future — counting stars, counting days. This urged him to plan his dream funeral before the inevitable happens. Shiekah, a keen, gabby and enthusiastic girl, always finds her way to disturb and pester Wross's days. Nevertheless, he believes that she will be that friend who will take him to his funeral.
*Language & Style
🏅Love the aesthetic and other visuals provided throughout the book
🏅Wala masyadong technicalities. Very minimal and they did not affect my reading experience
🏳️Proofread sentences having the wrong position of words, wrong usage of linking verbs, wrong contractions, redundant pronouns, a few wrong verb tenses, nakalimutang word na i-type, etc. I think you'll notice them naman when you proofread and edit your work. Base na rin kasi sa pagbabasa ko, I think you know your grammar - English or Filipino man.
