Random Somewhat Depressing Poetry

The Party Who Called You (TW: suicide)

The Party Who Called You

For Michael, i hope you're doing well wherever you are

The eerie ringing in the darkness pulls me from the confines of sleep
I jolt awake in my bed
Confused
And it takes me a moment to get my bearings
It's my phone.
My phone is ringing
I scramble across my dresser to grab it
Before someone can wake up and discover me
My eyes are squinted against the bright light of the screen
I answer
I hear the wind.
It is all i hear
And i don't speak
Because who could be calling me at this time of night?
And then suddenly a voice
"Hello?"
It crackles through the speaker
Warm
Familiar
Scared
"Hi."
I sink down onto the floor with a yawn
Well used to this by now.
"It's Michael."
I roll my eyes
I smile
"I know it's you Michael."
There's a laugh
It's the last time i would hear it

"What's up?"
I fold myself leisurely onto the floor pulling the blanket off my bed to make myself comfortable
I may be here awhile
Depending on the problem.
"I don't feel good."
I know what he means by that.
I know what he's thinking and what he wants to do
I must reassure him.
"What happened?"

I hear the wind again.
"What didn't?" His voice breaks
So does a tiny piece of my heart
"Your family?"
"Yes."
"Your brother?"
"I miss him."
I know he does.
A little brother that passed away in a car accident while he was driving
He thinks it's his fault.
"They blame me."
"I know."
"It was my fault."
"It wasn't"

How many times have we had this talk?
How many times have i talked until i could hear the even sound of his breathing?
Talked till i knew he was asleep
Asleep meant safe for one more night
"What are you thinking about right now?"
I can hear him breathing now
But it sounds laced with adrenaline
Scared
"I'm going to do it."

I can't let him.
"You don't want to."
"I do."
"You'll regret it."
"All this will be over."
"You'll miss so much."
"No one will miss me."
"I will."

Silence
And i wait
I'll wait for as long as it takes.
"Spencer what time is it?"
I pull the phone away from my face
I rub my eyes
"2 am."
I hear the wind
He sighs
"It should be here by now."
"What should?"

Silence.
A small shred of fear worms it's way under my skin
And now finding out seems so important
"What are you waiting for Michael?"
He breaths.
"Where are you?"
He finally speaks.
"The train station."
And everything makes so much sense.

"Michael-"
I try to speak
But he's cutting me off.
"I just needed to hear someone's voice"
"Michael no-"
"I knew you would be nice to me."
"Michael please-"
"I know you would answer."
Every nerve ending in my body is alive
I want to dive through the phone and grab him
Stop him
Save him.

In the distance i hear a sickening sound
It sends my heart straight to my stomach
I cannot move
I cannot breath
A train whistle
He breathes
"It's here."
I grapple onto the phone like a lifeline shooting up off the floor into a sitting position.
"Michael."
It's all i can say.
"Spencer."
"Michael."
I'm crying now
And i don't want to be.
"Michael please."
He doesn't speak
But i can hear the whistle getting louder.
"Michael."
The sound is shattering
It envelopes me
I cannot focus on anything else.
"It's huge Spencer."
"Michael."
"It's going really fast Spencer."
"Michael."
"It's cold Spencer."
"Michael."
He breathes.

"Spencer?"
Tears are running down my face at reckless abandon
And no matter what i do i cannot stop them.
"Michael?"
I wait
I'll wait forever
"If there is a world after this one, let's meet again there."
The sound is all around me now
He's going to jump
And there is nothing i can do
Nothing i can say
He breathes
I breath
"Say hi to God."

There is a whoosh
A crash
A splintering
A whine
A crunch
Everything stops
There is a single moment of silence
And i close my eyes
And i pretend what just happened, didn't
I pretend Michael is going to laugh
"Oh man Spence you thought i was serious?"
I pretend i am dreaming
I'm about to wake up
Because my mom shook me
Because i was screaming
I couldn't scream if i wanted to
I breathe
And then the dial tone
A monotone female voice speaks to me
"I'm sorry but the party who called you has hung up, please try again later."

- loverboy-oldfashioned

This is the one I find most powerful, probably because I've been affected by suicide too