I'M NOBODY BUT ME

THE CONFESSION

                       MIRACLE

"I'm good thank you" I said to my caller as I sit opposite Big Mummy in her office. "I've been busy that's why you haven't heard from me" I said again to your caller as I wave to Big Mummy. "What's wrong? You're disturbing me, I'm pretty busy right now why don't you just drop a message and I'll try and reply to it when I can. Bye Mikey" I said. I could sense the rudeness in my voice.

"That's bad of you" Big mummy said as I dropped my phone on her table. "Big Mum please, that's not why I'm here. Where are the children and the other mummy's? I couldn't find anyone" I said getting up to go hug her.
"we sent them into groups as usual, they're going for their yearly checkup" she said as she releases herself from my hug. "He called me yesterday asking if you were okey, saying you haven't been picking his calls and you never call back. Why?" She asked. A question I don't feel like answering.
"well, I'm busy" I said. "You're busy baah? Is that why you were rude to him?"
"Me? Rude? I didn't notice I was" I said.
"if I stone this book at you ehhh, your brain will format" she said with that scary voice of hers as she picks up a very heavy book from her table.
"Ogini na enye gi nsogbu? I maara na akporo m mmegheri asi.
(What's your problem? You know I hate nonsense.)" She says in Igbo. "Kedu ka ihem na eme si buru mmegheri? Ihem na eme ugbua buzi mmegheri n'anya gi? (how's what I'm doing nonsense? Me being busy is now nonsense?)" I replied back in Igbo.

You both just sit down in silence for a while before Big Mummy finally speaks. "Ogini? (what is it?)" she says calmly as she stares at me.
"Mother, I think I love him" I said.  I wish Oluchi were here. Even if her opinions are always crazy and unadvisable to listen to, I want to talk to someone and Mum is my second choice.
"But you said you don't love him, that you guys just met" she said. I definitely saw that coming.
"Please drop the book first" I said because I know my mother. She'll definitely stone that book at me.
"I know I don't have any right to be angry with him. He doesn't even know how I feel about him but why would he say he likes me?" It was hard enough knowing I was the only one doing the liking, "He's  a man, it's easy for men to tell women they love them even if they don't." Not like I would have liked for him to tell me he loves me, that word is scary. I can't even process the fact that he likes me. "But isn't he sure of his feelings? Ain't I lovable or isn't..."

"That's were you are wrong. He said 'he likes you' not 'he thinks he loves you'.  They are two different things unless you were expecting him to hate you. You are mad that your feelings aren't mutual or that he's being honest. Well, you're not him, so you can't fully come to a conclusion about his feelings for you; but what if he meant what he said? What if he actually likes you like a friend and nothing more?  Miracle, put yourself in his shoes and do the right thing because there are lots of 'what if'. Okay?"
she said cutting in.

"I'm sorry Big Mummy, it was stupid of me to treat him that way after everything" I said as tears foams in my eyes. Mum's right, was I expecting him to tell me hates me. That was definitely childish of me.
"No baby, don't cry" Big Mummy said as she gets up to hug you, "I'm glad you actually like someone to such extent. While you grew up, you never had friends and I feared for you. I'm glad you have a good one" she said as she drew me away from the hug, wiping my tears. Well, she's wrong. I had a crush in my primary five.

I was unnecessarily overreacting. Mikey has been nothing but good to me. Maybe it's just an Infatuation which will go in a matter of time. How can I love a stranger within two weeks, not one month, two weeks. I really need to do the right thing, I miss my friend, at least that's how my feelings for him should be. Nothing but friends. Putting my hands into my bag and removing it almost immediately with an envelope. "Mummy have this" I said handing the envelope to her. She opens it but closes it immediately, handing it back to me saying "My child, you sent five hundred thousand naira last weekend, you don't have to be doing this, spending everything on us. Don't forget we have four sponsors and the other Mummy's are also contributors." "Mummy this is for you, only you." I said refusing to get the envelope back. "What do I need it for?"
"well, I don't know. Take me out, take yourself out, take a friend out, anything that involves you" I said as getting up from my seat. "Going so soon?" She asked. "Yeah. I have to clean, my house is a mess." I said picking my bag from the table. "It's good for you. You have refused to let any of the children come stay with you this time around, why?" She asked, making me regret saying that. "Nothing, I'm not in the mood for a second party yet. When I'm in the mood, I'll let you know" I said mimicking a tired face. "ohw my baby girl, work is draining your flesh, how was today?" She said making me wish I never came visiting. Big Mummy loves keeping me for two to three hours before she'll let me go, she'll look for anything to make me stay with her longer than I want to.