You don't know me

3

This a mixture of 7/8

*trigger warning depression/cutting,

My story is about ... Desire and Fear. One day when I was 13 years i was in the 7th grade i had gotten a text annoymous that why are you gay? That's disgusting, Boy don't like you is that why you changed your sexuality? You should kill yourself ! No one doesn't like you and a lot of hurtful words, When i got to 8th grade right now today's , date is  3/7/20  today, one of my friends called me a dyke in she didn't know i don't like getting called this word in i tried i tried to ignore it i been called this so many times in i just broke down the next day i cut myself, the sharp razor against my arm, me crying in tears an no one can't here me, seeing blood repeating kill myself, and saying gay peole should kill therselves in go to hell, in fighting them physically. My own mom kept telling me oh you're just doing that for attention, I can't stand up for myself. I tried to tell her I have stomach pains in she just said it's all in your head. It's the most saddest that your own parent doesn't believe you, and thinks you  are hungry for attention, I try to make my mom proud get grades but I just feel like it never work I just feel like i wasn't meant to be like I was a mistake , My sister keeps saying i was adoptive I fight back because she thinks Its a game to play with my emotions it's really not I'm too afraid that she make fun of me that I will start to cry, I fake everything my deepest thoughst will get sent away in i just feel like i dont hsve a shadow in im invisible no one cant see the real me only me when my mom just say random things like abouse depression like its a real thing suicide is a real thing, i cry myself to sleep every single night in lsiten to music i cut i try to stop but my hunger is begging for more blood. My scars are scary, some are deep, some of them go away for a week . My deepest thoughts keep telling me to Kill your self! Die! You shouldn't be here. A speaker talked to us today 3/6/2020, In he talked about depression and i related to his daughter, her self love like mine we didn't like ourselves i hate my life so much , i care about other people then me. After the sembly i confess to my coach in i said over the break i was gonna commit suicide since all of these suicides thoughts are getting ot my heart in I don't wanna be here anymore, but that speaker made me realize try harder I wanna be a band teacher I love band and i love music in music is my muse and healer, I made her cry in she just told me something that all these teachers care about me in they want me to have future in that they are willing to help me and my side, Its just the kids make me wanna shot myself In my mom to. PSA- there 90% that people/ Kids are getting bullied just for there sexuality in most of them are depressing in 50% popluation them are comitting suicide and that's not okay what happen to think before you speak or say being bullied is not okay. But we can't all stand up, a lot of people are so cruel in the world like I just feel like I should end my life since this urge is so bad , i shouldn't be here i literally cry myself to sleep every night. I wish someone can understand stand me! I'm broken 🥺