Let me in

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Author Note: Big apology to all of you. I'm doing a double upload. I did get busy and wasn't able to post let's hope things get back to normal. Thoughts, concerns and questions can be left in the comments. Love and appreciate all of the support.

Thirty-Eighth Chapter

Ondreaz came into the room. I had already started editing the video. 
Ondreaz: Babe what are you doing?
Luna: Editing. Victoria and I filmed a quick video that I need to get out. It will only take like an hour at most.
Ondreaz: Aww I’m happy things worked out.
Luna: Me too. Especially since we’re going to be so busy this week.
Ondreaz: I’m not a hookup right?
Luna: Shut up! I don’t know why me having a boyfriend is such a shock?
Ondreaz: It’s like that song, “what’s upon a time not long ago I was h*e and I’m admitting it won’t take it back cause I did this sh*t, I was h*e”. He was dancing as well. I feel like I don’t talk about how goofy Ondre is. He makes me laugh every time. 
Luna: Stop, I'm trying to work.
Ondreaz: That’s what she said. I laughed again. He walked over to me and I gave him a kiss. He kissed me back. I pushed him away a little.
Luna: It’s work time. He sat next to me laying his head on my shoulder as he scrolled through his phone. I love these moments when we’re not saying anything but just being in the same room is enough. Thirty minutes pass.
Ondreaz: I’m hungry and I’m about to go get some food. You want any?
Luna: Yeah where are you going? 
Ondreaz: Canes.
Luna: Okay get me whatever you’re getting and fries.
Ondreaz: Okay see you soon babe. He got up and kissed me before leaving. 

By the time he got back I was finished editing and set up time for it to be posted. When we went to sleep that night the nightmare came again. I wake up to Ondreaz shaking me again.
Ondreaz: Luna, Luna!! Wake up.
Luna: I’m uh I’m uh I’m awake. 
Ondreaz: Same thing. I shook my head. He ran his hand through his hair. I try to calm myself down again. He put his hand on my thigh. 
Ondreaz: Okay, baby breathe, breathe. I relax a bit. 
Ondreaz: Come let’s go back to bed. He rubbed my back gently and I leaned my head into his shoulder.  I lift up my head. He kissed my forehead and hugged me.
Ondreaz: You’re here with me. He lays down and I lay on his chest. He put his arm around me. I thought it was going to be a peaceful night but no. I woke up again with Ondreaz shaking me. 
Ondreaz: Baby? Okay relax. We’re both tired and over it. 
Ondreaz: Okay um you’re not going back to sleep right now. I get out of bed, turn on the light and start putting on my hoodie and sneakers while talking to Ondreaz. 
Ondreaz: Where are you going? What are you doing?
Luna: Um I just need to relax, I’m going to go for a drive and uh pick up some starbucks or something.
Ondreaz: You want me to come? I grabbed my phone, wallet and his keys. I turn off the light.
Luna: No baby you have an early morning. I sit next to him for a second. I run my hands through his hair. He lays his head in my lap and trails back off to sleep. I slowly moved carefully trying not to wake him. I don’t want him to worry while I’m gone. 

I drove around for two hours, got starbucks, got gas and drove back home. Then I just watched Netflix for the rest of the night. Ondreaz woke up.
Ondreaz: Babe did you not go to sleep? I lean over and kiss him.
Luna: After the drive I just wasn’t tired but I’m fine.
Ondreaz: I don’t think you’re okay. We should talk about the nightmares. It might help make you feel better.
Luna: Babe you want breakfast? I’m going to ask some people what they want. 
Ondreaz: Luna… I got up and went into the bathroom before he could finish. He knew exactly what I was trying to do but he went along with it. I came back out and changed my clothes while trying to put his mind at ease.

Luna: I think I’m going to Taco Bell to get something?Ondreaz: Babe, can you stop moving and come here? I walk over and sit next to him

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Luna: I think I’m going to Taco Bell to get something?
Ondreaz: Babe, can you stop moving and come here? I walk over and sit next to him. He puts his arm around me. 
Ondreaz: How are you? I get up and do my edges.
Luna: I’m fine really.
Ondreaz: If you say so. He plopped back onto the bed. When I finish, I text some people, grab my stuff and get ready to walk out.
Luna: Text me what you want.
Ondreaz: Okay I’ll see you later. I love you. He kissed me one more time.
Luna: I love you too. I get up and go ask a few people what they want then I go and get breakfast. 

After I get back home and everyone eats. I do some tik toks and make some tweets, instagram stories about my video. Then Kouvr, Mia and I go out to the mall. We get our nails done.
Kouvr: So nice to get away from all of the boys.
Luna: Let’s hope we meet a house when we get back.
Mia: So what’s been going on?
Luna: Why don’t you tell us? Still “best friends” with Thomas? We all laughed.
Mia: Maybe it’s more than that.
Kouvr: Definitely more than that.
Luna: They’re too cute to deny it.
Mia: Okay but what about you Luna?
Luna: Ondreaz and I? I don’t know to be honest.
Kouvr: Really?
Mia: What’s going on? 
Luna: I’ve been having some nightmares. I’m trying to handle it myself but he won’t let me.
Kouvr: What kind of nightmares?
Luna: Kids dying and trying to kill themselves from the centre I used to live in.
Kouvr: Aww, that must be terrible.
Luna: I just scream in the middle of the night and wake Ondre up. Then we’re both super busy this week. It’s a lot to deal with for only being three months. 
Kouvr: You guys can handle it. 
Luna: It’s just we both came here for our career and then just jumped into a relationship. It’s been going great, don't get me wrong but I just don’t know. Maybe this was just a crazy idea, too much to take on. Ondreaz is 22, he has an entire career in front of him. I shouldn’t be a stress or burden, you know?
Mia: I get it but have you guys talked about that?
Kouvr: I was going to say the same thing. You have to communicate. See how he’s feeling. Don’t make the choice for him. 
Mia: I’m sure you don’t want to break up. 
Luna: You guys are right. I’ll talk to him when we get home but Mia you’re not getting out of this one.
Mia: What about Kouvr and Alex?
Kouvr: We are way past your phases. We were laughing. Then we continued talking, got lunch, did some shopping, went to Target. 

I got home like around 5. When I get home after unpacking all of my stuff I call Ondreaz into my room.
Luna: Hey.
Ondreaz: Hey I haven’t seen you all day. He kissed me as he walked in, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the bed and I stood in front of him.
Luna: We need to talk about us. He shook his head. I started pacing a bit.
Luna: Have you ever wondered what if we got into this too quick?
Ondreaz: Noo why?
Luna: Because that’s all I’ve been thinking about lately.
Ondreaz: What? I know things have been rough but not that bad.
Luna: It’s not like that Ondre. It’s more that we jumped into a relationship at the highlight of our careers. The year has just started and we’re busy. It’s not going to slow down either. Do we have time for this or us? 
Ondreaz: What are you saying Luna? What do you mean we don't have time for us? Can you please stop moving and let’s talk. I stopped standing directly in front of him. Looking at the ground I think about my next words. I walk up to the wall and lean back.
Luna: Do we have the time and energy? Maybe this was all too fast. Maybe we were crazy for thinking this could work.
Ondreaz: All I hear is maybe, is it yes or no?
Luna: I don’t know! What I do know is I don’t need you worrying about me all the damn time.
Ondreaz: Worrying? Luna wtf are you talking about? I’m confused. Where is this coming from? 
Luna: I know you think about my nightmares and I know you’re worried. You’re 22 you shouldn’t have that kind of stress. He walks up to me bracing my arms with his hands.
Ondreaz: Please talk to me. I move away from him and tears come into my eyes.
Luna: You want to talk! My parents couldn’t believe that a child with my gifts would do something like that unless there was something wrong with me mentally. They couldn’t handle having such a disappointment. I was their burden and they sent me away! I didn’t even know where that came from.
Ondreaz: Luna I would never… Tears are falling down my face as he says the words.
Luna: No, Ondre! You don’t need to do that. We need time apart. I walk into the closet and grab a bag. I just start putting clothes inside. 
Ondreaz: What are you doing? 
Luna: I can’t be here right now I need to think and-and I can’t do that with you here. He moved the bag away from me. 
Ondreaz: Baby can we just talk? He put his arm around my waist. Tears just continue to fall. I turn to him.
Luna: I just want to be okay. It’s like everytime I take a step forward it’s three steps back. He hugs me and I just stay there. 

It was so heartbreaking because I feel like I’m never going to be okay or happy. Everytime there is something going that I can’t control. I think that’s my problem.

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