we loved with a love that was more than love // JENLISA

14

You've never been in a shop this fancy before.

It's a little boutique right on Main Street, not too far from the lake, and the walls are lined with a rainbow of dresses. You walk along one row of hangers and gently run your fingers over the fabric, velvety satin and spiky tulle and delicate lace.

You feel a little guilty about being here because you have a closet full of dresses -- more than you could have ever dreamed of owning -- but you've sprouted up over the last few months and the hems aren't falling where they used to. And Jennie and Lisa both agreed an everyday dress won't do.

Jennie's talking to the shopkeeper, probably explaining the occasion, but you're not listening anymore because you've stopped dead in your tracks.

Your eyes have landed on a display at the back of the store where a mannequin is wearing a simple silk dress that's the same color as the eggshells you found in the robins' nest after they flew south for the winter. As you walk closer you see that it has lacy capped sleeves and a light pink ribbon tied around the waist.

Jennie chuckles from behind you, and you can imagine her smile.

"Tell me you have this in her size."

**

You can't stop fidgeting in your spot in the back seat for all of your excitement.

A few weeks back when Jennie and Lisa told you the hospital signed off on letting them take you out of the state for a weekend you literally couldn't believe it. For most of your life things have never quite gone right, but lately the good things keep on coming and you're always sure that each will be the last.

Everyone's luck runs out eventually.

You don't really wrap your mind around the fact that you're going on your first roadtrip until you're all packing up your clothes into two big suitcases, your pajamas piled neatly on top of Jennie and Lisa's, your socks nestled in right beside theirs.

And now here you all are, in the family car heading north. There's a chill in the air but you each roll your windows down, like it's too much to keep all this happiness stuffed into such a small space.

Jennie, who's driving, cranks up the radio when one of her favorite songs comes on and starts singing along. Lisa laughs and leans over the center console to kiss Jennie's shoulder, and to your surprise she joins in, too. You're not surprised that their voices sound wonderful together.

You know the song, but you've never been much for singing. Even in music class you just mouth the lyrics instead of letting any actual noise come out. Something about it just seems so vulnerable.

But today your heart feels so light, and the foliage lining the highway is getting brighter with every mile -- a blur of yellows and oranges and burgundies. They remind you of the phoenix in your books, the bird that's reborn from flames.

The chorus is coming up again and your heart starts beating really fast. Then, without missing a lyric, Jennie points to the right and you see a sign welcoming you to a new state for the first time in your whole entire life.

Before you realize it, you're singing. Lisa turns to look at you and Jennie grins at you in the rearview mirror. They're beaming like you invented the world's first melody, and both of their voices get louder.

Goosebumps rise on your arms, and it's not because of the cold. The three of you singing this cheery song is the best sound you've ever heard.

***

By the time you reach the inn your voice is hoarse and the sun has set, but even in the darkness you've never seen this much open space. The building looks like a really large, old house in the middle of a tree-speckled field.