The tour

Chapter 20

Hours later, Kristina was lying naked in the arms of a sleeping Michael. She had not taken long to answer yes when he had laid out the opportunity for round two.

But now, late at night when the magic and the moment was gone, she regretted it. She looked at Michael, who was sleeping with his head on her torso. His breathing was heavy and his closed eyes and relaxed face almost made him look like an adorable little boy.

'Goddamnit,' she thought to herself.

'Why can't I just keep it simple?'

She had lost her self control and given in. For the first time in over two years she had let another human being come that close to her. And it had been a-ma-zing.

Kristina was surprised as to how much she had been able to let go, and how much she had enjoyed it. She hadn't questioned the fact that Michael was experienced in that area, but his abilities had definitely caught her by surprise. And enjoyment.

But however good it had been it was just a one time thing. Even though a little part of Kristina wanted it to be more, she knew it was for the best, and she figured Michael did too.

And to save them both the awkwardness of waking up together in a few hours she silently got out of the bed, careful not to wake Michael, slipped in to the little black dress and quietly walked towards the exit without looking back.

--

Hours later she stood in her room packing down the final things for the trip. They would be gone almost four months, and it was hard for her to pack right, since they would be traveling a lot and to a lot of different countries and climates.

'Take this. For when you miss me,' Joey said as he handed Kristina an oversized Michael Jackson-t-shirt.

Joey had had it for years, and Kristina loved wearing it at home. It was also the shirt she had worn the time Michael came home to her after the first rehearsal. She smiled with tears in her eyes as she held the t-shirt to her heart. She was really going to miss her roommates. She didn't know what would have happened to her without them.

'We'd better drive you to the bus, they're picking you up soon,' Amy said in a choked up voice.

All tour members, except for Michael of course, were to meet a certain place and be picked up by a bus that would take them all to LAX where they would board a plane together with all the equipment. Michael wouldn't arrive until the next day. Even though she didn't want to admit it, it saddened Kristina. A whole day seemed like a long time, considering what had happened between them.

The three of them gathered Kristina's bags and carried them to the door. Joey was driving her to the meeting point, Amy had to go to work. Kristina sighed and felt the lump in her throat as she put her hands in her pockets and stared at the floor.

'I hope... I hope you know, that...' she tried, but she felt the tears coming. Her roommates smiled and embraced her, they knew she had troubles expressing emotions. When they hugged her, Kristina let go of the tears.

'I hope you know how much you mean to me. I am not the same person as I was when I came here, because of you. I can't explain how much you've helped me. You guys are truly my best friends, and I... Oh fuck it, I love you!' she cried and hugged them tight as Amy sniffed.

The roommates stood there for a moment, silent, before Kristina whispered goodbye and went to the car with Joey.

–

The sound of the wild, roaring crowd was overwhelming. It almost hurt in the ears, and all you could hear around you was 70.000 people gathered in one arena screaming and chanting 'Michael! Michael! Michael!'

Kristina was hugging her guitar and sweating through her make up, concentrating on not hyperventilating. She was used to performing, but not in front of anything as large as this, and she was nervous as hell. Being that she was well prepared for this performance, and that she had never practiced that much before in her life, Kristina hadn't thought she would have been nervous. But she was, and it was nerve wracking. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like it was about to emerge from her chest and she couldn't control her breathing.

'What the hell is the first chord I am supposed to play? And there is no way I can play louder than they are screaming!' was all she could think. She had a total blackout of the mind.

'Don't worry, the first time is always the worst,' Brad said with a comforting hand on her back and a soothing voice.

Kristina, who was pale behind all the make up, just nodded without returning his smile. Luckily she was wearing a lot of black make up, courtesy of Michael's make up artist Karen, and a hairdresser had made her short pixie-like hair really big and wild. Her nails were painted black and silver, and she was wearing black leather jeans, a silver-sequined top and a black jacket over it. A stylist had loved her Gibson Les Paul-guitar and customized a pair of Doc Martens in the same color of blue. She felt the look was a bit out there, but she figured it had to be big since they were high up on a stage for the crowd to really see it. And Michael wanted to approve everything, so apparently that was the way he wanted it.

Where was Michael anyway? Kristina looked around her in the backstage area. She was standing behind the stage on the left side, where she and the other musicians were to enter in just minutes. Michael hadn't been there for the musical rehearsal in Japan this morning, only the one with the dancers, where the musicians weren't present, meaning that she hadn't seen him since LA. That felt weird to her. Was he trying to avoid her? Did he regret what had happened? Did he not want to be around her anymore? She had no idea what was going on in his mind, and now she had to go out there and do a two-hour show and interact with him. Act like she was in love with him.

'Act? Is it really an act?' she thought to herself, but she never got to answer, because Travis walked in and yelled 'Huddle!'

Everyone gathered around him and grabbed each other's hands. Apparently it was a ritual for Michael to begin every performance with a prayer. Kristina didn't dare look at him when he walked in wearing his stage outfit, so she just bowed her face and whispered 'Amen' at the end.

'Alright people, let's go out there and give them all we've got!' Travis said and everybody clapped.

Kristina started hyperventilating again as Brad pulled her towards the stage. Someone put on the lights onstage and the roar of the crowd became even louder. Just as Kristina was about to walk out there, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again mere seconds later, she caught Michael staring at her out the side of her eye.

'You can do this,' he mouthed to her.

She didn't know if it was that or the fact that she was about to enter a stage viewed by 70.000 ecstatic people that had her stomach feeling like a huge wave.

 'Let the adventure begin,' she thought as she gathered all of her courage and stepped out onto the stage.