Connected

Dearly Departed

"She never made it off the table," JJ said

Depressing looks took over the worried ones in the waiting room. Tears came from everyone almost instantly.

"She- she's dead?" Penelope cried.

You just stared blankly at the ground. Unable to move. It felt like you had just been swallowed by a black hole. Everything aching. You couldn't believe the news you had just heard. All of the memories you had with your now deceased friend flashed by in your head. Tears rolled out of the corner of your eyes.

Everyone began packing up their coats and bags, moping to the exit. You, however, just sat there, continuing to stare down.

Rossi noticed, "Hey, y/n, we have to leave now. I'll walk out with you."

"No, it's okay. I'm just going to go to the bathroom really quick. I'll see you soon." You say.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to leave alone." Rossi whispered concerningly.

"I'm sure." You reply quickly.

Rossi nods as you turn and head down the hallway to the bathroom. You are trying to hold back your tears until you get to the bathroom, but its not working.

 Once you enter, you go straight to the sink, splashing warm water on your face. You are biting your lip so hard trying not to whimper, it begins bleeding.

"Shit." You cry out.

You clean up the blood, and hold a paper towel on your wound. You can't even feel it. You are so numb from the news you have just received. The only pain you feel is the knot in your stomach. You feel like you are going to throw up.

Once the blood stopped, you walked out of the bathroom, heading back to the front entrance of the hospital. You sat on the bench outside. You sat there for hours, wishing someone would say this was a joke. You felt like it was your fault Emily was dead. You should've been there. You should've helped save her. So many thoughts were rushing through your head. Your head was so heavy, that you were sure you would fall over if you stood. So, you continued to sit there, with your head in your hands.

You could feel the breeze of people walking passed you. You eventually fell asleep to the sound of crickets chirping. 

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(This is a conversation between Hotch and JJ while you are sleeping.)

"I feel bad for lying to them" JJ explained.

Hotch looked up from a file, "You know it's the best for everyone. I know it's hard. It's the only thing we can do right now."

"I know, but did you see their looks? It's just devastating. Especially y/n's. She looked paralyzed." JJ replied.

"I know. Emily and y/n were just really close. Could you go check on her by the way? I had a feeling it would hit her the worst." Hotch suggested.

"Yeah, of course. Is she back at her apartment?" JJ asked.

Hotch, looking slightly frightened, "Actually, I'm not sure."

"Didn't she walk out with Rossi?" JJ quickly said.

"Please go ask him, I think he's in his office." Hotch declared.

JJ nodded and speed walked to Rossi's office. The door was open, and sure enough Rossi was sitting at his desk.

"Did you walk out with y/n?" JJ uttered rapidly.

Rossi, confused, said, "No.. She said she needed to go to the restroom before she left. Why?"

"We don't know where she is. Is it possible she is still at the hospital?" JJ spoke panicked.

"Someone should go check just in case.." Rossi stated.

"I'm going right now" JJ announced, already half way out Rossi's door.

"Hotch, I'm going back to the hospital to see if y/n is there." She yelled as she ran down the steps to leave.

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JJ's car pulls up in the closest parking spot to the front entrance. She sees you sitting on the bench and runs over to you.

"Y/n? Why are you still here? Why are you sitting on this bench?" JJ exclaims.

Her voice wakes you up suddenly, but you keep your head in your hands.

You can hear her typing, probably to tell the others where you were.

"I know you are hurting y/n, but you need to go home." She murmurs.

You look up at her, "I can't" you say back.

"Why not?" She replied.

"It hurts so much. I don't know how I'm supposed to go on without her. It's just different for me." You mumble.

"It's different? How?" She voiced as she crossed her arms.

"I- I didn't mean it like that" You muttered.

"Then what did you mean, y/n? Are you special or something? You know, we are all mourning the loss of a friend. What makes you different from that?" JJ remarked.

There was a slight pause before you responded. "I was in love with her." 

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That's it for this chapter! This is my first book, so let me know how I did please! Let me know how I can improve also! I hope you guys enjoyed. I'll try to update soon.