Two Pieces of a Puzzle ✔

Chapter Four

ELIOTT 

"This was a stupid decision, isn't it?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you for the past two hours."

Said decision at hand was me setting up a profile on a site asking if anyone knew a boy with a particular puzzle tattoo on his wrist that matched the one I had, along with a picture of the one on my wrist. 

We hadn't added any extra information; no reason as to why we were searching for said male, none of our intents after finding the male or anything of that sort.

And I hadn't stopped to think twice about it either, I just did it.

He wanted me to find him. 

It had been ten whole years, but I still wanted to find him. 

If I wouldn't have him in my arms once again by the eleventh year, I would finally give up. 

"I'm not getting any responses."

"It's only been two hours."

"Still."

"You waited ten years. You can wait two hours at least, can't you?"

Ten years seems so long, but it feels like such little time has passed by. Two hours, on the other hand..

"But this is a big deal, I might finally find him again."

"Let's hope you will."

It was then that my phone vibrated. I picked it up eagerly and placed it back down with a huff when I realized it was only a friend. 

"Don't get your hopes up," Toby commented with a small grin. 

"It's difficult not to."

We said nothing for the next few hours - we didn't receive anything except for messages from trolls telling us to go kill ourselves or saying that they hope we'd never find him. 

Of course, we didn't let those messages get to us. 

Maybe I did, a little bit.

Just a little.

Being told that I would never find him hurt more than being told to go kill myself, and that was concerning.

I was putting him before myself.

Why was I doing that?

Was this love or obsession?

Was I finding him to do him a favour and keep the promise or was I doing myself a favour? Or was it both?

Why was I overthinking about all this now? Why now out of every other time?

"Hey, easy," Toby spoke, rubbing up and down my back in a comforting manner. I eased into his touch and let out a heavy breath.

"Sorry, this is stressing me out more than it should be."

"I get that, this really is a big deal, like you said."

"What if we don't find him.. ever?"

"Then you move on."

"What if I can't move on?"

"Nonsense, you will."

"But what if I don't?"

He didn't answer. He looked elsewhere as if he were forming an appropriate answer in his head, but eventually gave up and looked down at his lap with a heavy sigh, "Then at least you can say you were committed to a man for ten whole years."

I couldn't tell if that was supposed to be a joke or not, but it made me smile. 

"You're smiling," he noted, a smile popping up on his face as well. 

"Am I?" I questioned. 

"You are," he nodded. 

"I am," I parroted. 

Silence fell upon us once again before he spoke up. 

"If you can't get over him," he began. "Then the boys and I will help you out with that."

"You and the boys are going to date me to help me move on?"

"That's not what I meant!" he exclaimed, hitting me with a pillow. 

"What a shame," I joked with a grin.

"You're in a cheerful mood today. What happened?"

I didn't have an answer for him. I was left wondering if it was because I'd dreamt of Eric and I beside that lake, or if I'd finally experienced being able to hug him once more; being able to run my fingers through his hair and inhale his caramel scent laced with a little bit of coffee - even it were only in my dreams. Or maybe it was because I'd finally managed to open the letter. 

I couldn't even recall what I had kept in the time vault I had made for him. 

Now that I think about it, there was a lot about him I was beginning to forget. 

I was forgetting the sound of his voice, all I knew was that it was raspy. I was forgetting the colour of his eyes, all I knew was that they twinkled under the light of the stars and made him look like a cartoon character of some sort. I was forgetting how the dimple on his cheeks looked. I was forgetting how tall he was - I was forgetting how he felt. 

But I would never forget his scent - nor would I forget that smile of his. 

And I would never dream about forgetting his name. 

His name that sat in the back, side, and front of my mind ever since I met him. His name that stayed still, biting at every corner of my brain, slowly yet surely making me lose my grip with myself; making me lose all of my self-control. His name that made my heart race every time I heard it. 

Ten years later and I would still never get over the way he made me feel.

Maybe because no one else will ever make me feel the way you did, Eric.

Or maybe it's because I won't let them.

I'll never let anyone come close to what you used to be.

Used to be.

Past tense.