Timeless

Tamigi at night is something else, you see all this lights glistening and people passing by up and down the road, constantly reminding you that it doesn't matter if you are stuck, life goes on. I've spent so many cold nights coming here knowing that maybe Ryan was in town for interviews with the band, wanting to call him even if I didn't had the number. Standing there in the cold watching the Tamigi at night and sometimes imagining his shadow reflected on water to remind me that he was still somewhere, hoping he was thinking about me too.

Here we are now side by side walking, none of us have said a word, while I count down all my faults in this relationship one by one checking on them like a big list of guilts. He bought some beers for both of us, smoked three cigarettes by now and handed me his jacket because I was shivering even if I didn't deserved all this kindness.

"I... congratulations for your tour... I saw the guys before and..." it's useless I am speechless, I just watch my feet and he stops.
"It's been two years, not a call, not an e-mail, a text, a postcard, a tweet, a direct message, literally even smoke signals to know that you were alive, or left our home town to live in London or to become a part of the circus or something. And all you have to say to me right now is congratulations?! For my career, really?" He is not shouting or making a scene, his tone is flat maybe sad, "I didn't even understood why, why you disappeared from my life after 13 years, I still wonder where I went wrong? Was because of my career in music? You have a career in music industry too and travel too, which by the way I've known of because a journalist told me you were his boss... how amazing knowing that the girl I used to be so close to is a stranger, and god even knows why" he watches something in the distance searching for another cigarette in his trousers pockets "I'm sorry" "That's all you have to say?" "I'm sorry... you felt guilty for you career, you know it's not what I wanted for you, I just thought that you had your dreams and you deserved to chase them without me holding you back, cause we both know where our relationship was going to head, and I didn't wanted to be that kind of girl who waits for her boyfriend to come back from tours while he slept with half population of the world or staying in a little hometown feeling like a ball chain to you..." "You know that they are all excuses and thanks for having that idea of me really, but the thing that really hurts me in all of this, is that you decided it without even considering how I could have felt about or thought about it" "All that I can say is that I'm really sorry and I've got not excuses, you're right. There's been many times in which I wanted to call you, find a way to have your number just to say hi to you, but the more the days went by, the more I wondered what the point was in all of that... people grow up Ryan and grow even out of relationships" "That's not us and you know that" he sighs and hands me a beer.

"Did you remember that year in second grade in middle school? They divided us and put me into another class, I met the boys, I spent six months there but I was feeling incomplete like something was missing or someone, every time I told a joke, every time I shared my food with my school mates, I was missing you" He says watching me from a side lighting up his cigarette.
"Yes, I remember that you changed class again after six months swearing that you and me wouldn't end in some troubles again, and the very first day when you came back you set beside me, took my hand and told me with a solemn look "I won't never leave you again" and I started laughing so hard because your face was like if someone was dead or something, but I missed you in that six months too sorry for never telling you" "No, please don't bother yourself, I just add it at all of the things you didn't told me in a life time plus two years and half of ghosting" we both suddenly start laughing, with such a feeling of joy I haven't felt in years.

"Did you remember that night, the first time in London with the school trip, when we sneaked out of the hotel and outside it was like the end of the world but you insisted so much for going outside?" I say stopping him placing my hand on his arm.
"We went to "The Violet"" he says turning to me and taking my hand
"We did and while we were dancing there heart to heart I felt like that was my everything, I could've stayed in that moment for ever, just there framed, we didn't finished that night, we never finished one of our nights in the way we should had, so let's do it now." I say keeping hold on his hand.