As it turned out, screwed didn't even begin to cover what he was. In fact, he was so far away from screwed, that it was going to take the light from screwed roughly ten thousand years to reach him.
It had been a week.
Seven god forsaken days.
And each one of them had brought about a new level of hell.
It had to be ending soon. It just did.
Because every single day those thighs had been encased in fabric so tight he could practically hear it begging for mercy.
Just like he currently was. He couldn't be expected to take this. No one was capable of surviving this.
He wasn't even sure he should try.
...
"Hyung!" Jimin's voice rang out just as they had been preparing to leave, and he twisted around to watch as the younger ran towards him.
"Go ahead." He had been waking with Hoseok and Namjoon - and honestly he still really didn't feel like dealing with the other two maknaes. Not when they were very much still completely at fault for this entire mess.
But no one could resist Jimin's pouty face. It was just impossible. And it was currently in full effect. "What's up?"
"Okay so you know how Kookie has been teasing you all week with those tight ass pants that make his thighs look like something you want to take a bite out of?" God, had everyone noticed this weird thing that was going on between them? "Don't give me that look, Hyung. The big dick energy is real."
"What." Just breathe, Seokjin. "Do you." You can do this. "Want." You've got this. "Jimin."
"Mostly I just want you to put an end to this because I have a feeling if Taehyung catches me staring one more time he's going to put an end to my whole life."
"I mean, that would solve most of my problems." He wouldn't have to deal with Jimin anymore. Taehyung would be manageable without his partner in crime. Things would be looking up, honestly.
"Okay, just gonna ignore how attacked I feel right now." It was impossible to keep himself from rolling his eyes. "The point I'm trying to make is you gotta fight fire with fire, Hyung."
"And how do you purpose I do that?" Because he had the distinct feeling he did not want to know.
"By wearing these."
...
As it turned out 'these' were the tightest pair of black jeans he had ever seen in his entire life. He'd had to jump four whole entire times to actually get them up over the swell of his ass. There were holes strategically cut across the knees and thighs - so far up, in fact, that he couldn't even wear normal underwear with them. No, he'd had to wear some ridiculous skimpy pair that Jimin had been kind enough to pick up for him.
And alright, he had to admit that he looked good. Paired with a long sleeve button up, it looked like an even tighter, more ridiculous version of one of his 'Fire' era outfits.
Was there time to bleach his hair? He could actually hear the stylist screaming as the thought passed through his head.
But he had always done exactly what he wanted. And what he currently wanted was to make Jeon Jungkook suffer.
...
"I leave you unsupervised for ten minutes, and this is what happens." Kim Namjoon was currently having something similar to a stroke. He was sure of it. All because he was currently standing there with hair bleached pale, snowy white and an undercut that looked like it had been blessed by the gods.
"Please, that ugly ass brown they put on my head was doing nothing for me." It wasn't exactly a lie. They had chosen the absolute worst shade of reddish brown currently available. And he had humored them so long as they were doing promotions.
But it always came back to the fact that he did what he wanted.
"Why are you even surprised?" Yoongi had somehow slipped into the room without either of them knowing. A benefit of being so small. "He literally does this shit all the time."
"I'm not surprised. I'm disappointed."
"Oh no. God, whatever will I do?" He could Yoongi loosing it behind him.
"Look -" Namjoon sounded so utterly done with them. "- I don't know what this is about, but you get to explain this to Bang PD-nim."
"Oh this I have to hear." Yoongi spoke up again, coming around him to stand beside them. "You telling the big guy you did this to yourself to try and make Jungkook drool over you."
"Um, excuse me, but Kim Seokjin does not need to try to make anyone drool over him." Except apparently he did, because he had gone and pulled this ridiculous stunt.
"Uh huh. That's why you're wearing that." A hand gestured to the entirety of his outfit, and he glanced down for a brief moment before shrugging.
"This is for myself, thank you very much."
"Be the leader they said." Namjoon was muttering to himself, shaking his head as he began to walk away. "It'll be fun they said."
"You know I always wondered what would finally break him." Yoongi let out a soft sigh. "I kind of figured it was gonna be one of the maknaes."
"And another thing!" Their leader whipped around suddenly - so suddenly that the sunglasses that had been perched on top of his head came flying off and went clattering onto the ground, lense popping out from the impact. Just like a true god of destruction. "We have an appearance in an hour, so I suggest you get your shit together."
"Are we really sure I'm the one who needs to get it together here? I mean, you're looking kind of crazy right now Joonie."
"That's it." He didn't even bother picking up his sunglasses. He was just that done. "I'm going solo. Have fun without me."
"It's alright, the kids getting pretty good at English. He can talk for us." Yoongi yelled at Namjoon's retreating back.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything while you're gone, oh fearless leader-nim." Jin cupped his hands around his mouth, making sure the other would hear him clearly.
"For real though, please tell me you managed to fit some lube in one of those pockets because we both know the kid is gonna lose it."
"Good. Time to see how he likes it."
