Sara.
I drop the razor blade, and let the blood mix with the water. I don't cry, but I know the tears will come later. I turn the hot water off, and as my body dries itself I can feel the blood start to clot and I know it's time to get on with the day. I clean the ones that are deeper than I anticipated, and pat them dry until the blood that has returned goes away. Now my daily routine can start.
School started two hours ago, but with my mom never being home I tend to get to school whenever I feel like waking up in the mornings. This week at school we have finals, and I’ve been stressing out over them. Usually if you're stressing you would be promptly on time and take extra notes, but I have different ways of coping. I’m passing each class I have, except one. And I can't afford to fail... Not in my senior year.
My best friend gets me through it though. He pushes me to succeed in school. Without Harry I don’t know what my grades would look like.
I finish with my last curls as I hear the knock at the front door. I get a text message almost simultaneously.
"I’m here." It's from Harry.
I don't bother to respond to him, I just walk downstairs and meet him at the door.
"You know you don't have to knock."
"Well I didn't know if she was here or not...” It didn't take him long to realize that she wasn't. He walked past me dropping his bag on the ground and falling back into the couch.
"She had a meeting or something out of town this morning." I say closing the door behind him.
"So when do you actually plan on getting to school today?" He asks me changing the subject.
"How's brunch sound?" I ask jokingly, but he agrees before I could even laugh about it. "Give me just five more minutes then."
I run upstairs and throw some mascara on. I don't bother with anything else but grab my phone and bag on my way out of my bedroom. "You ready?" I ask coming back down the steps.
He walks out of the kitchen meeting me at the bottom of the steps. "Waiting for you made me thirsty." He says with a grin. "Let's go!"
"So what's your excuse for cutting class today?" I ask him in a mock disapproving tone as we get in the car.
"Well first off, my 'alarm text' didn't go off until about an hour ago." He looks at me with disapproving eyes. "And we have a pre-calc pre-final today... I didn't want to be a part of that. Such a waste of time." We both laugh as the music gets turned up.
Harry knows what he doesn't really know. He understands when I’m having a bad day, but I know he has no idea just how bad they are. He doesn't ask what's on my mind as I look out the window reflecting on what has already happened today. He understands what I want him to know so badly, but it's the act of approving that I’m afraid he won't have. Why should he?
"What's your excuse?" The question breaks me from my gaze, and part of me is confused as to what he is talking about but with a bit of backtracking into the conversation I just come up with something, like every other time.
"Just not enough sleep last night." I tell him. It's not a complete lie. I couldn't sleep. Between the pressures of finals, passing my classes, getting into a good college, and making everyone believe that I'm completely fine is pretty hard to just push aside. I wish I could just get away from it all.
