Trying to Kill Each Other Doesn't Count as Flirting (or Does it?)

Chapter 5

Over the course of the next week, (F/N) helped raid two Joui Rebel hideouts, captured Katsura, only to have him escape again, and, most importantly, helped Okita attempt to assassinate Hijikata ten times. Overall, it was the most fun she'd had in her entire life. Everything was perfect.

Well, maybe not everything.

One less fun aspect of her new everyday life was 'walks in the park.' At least, that's what her parents thought she was doing. In reality, Okita took her to the park for one-on-one close combat training. That sounded great in theory, and it was, except for his very...unusual...way of getting her motivated.

"If you can't hit me in thirty seconds, your limited-time-only (Favorite Anime Other than Gintama) DVD set gets bazooka-ed."

"Augh! I hate you!"

(F/N) frantically swung her sword, but it was no use. Okita easily blocked all her attacks, and when the time was up, he picked up his bazooka, and blasted her precious DVDs.

"Okay, now next up is the (Favorite Manga Other than Gintama) volumes you've been painstakingly collecting over the years..."

"I don't see how this is helping me!"

"It's not. I just like watching you suffer."

"Augh!"

(F/N) grabbed a kunai and threw it at him. He dodged, and raised the bazooka.

"Throwing a kunai is against the rules. There goes your manga."

"Hey! Cut it out, you asshole!"

"Swearing is against the rules. There goes (Second Favorite Anime)."

"Hey! That's cheating! You never made a rule against swearing!"

"Talking back to me is against the rules. There goes—"

(F/N) ran at him with her practice sword, but before she could land the blow, a giant white dog leapt between them, and snatched Okita's bazooka from his hands.

"Blowing things up in the park is against the rules. There goes your bazooka."

(F/N) turned to see a girl standing behind her with an umbrella propped on her shoulder. She was short, with red hair and bright blue eyes, and she was glaring at Okita, who didn't look any happier to see her.

"This is no place for kids, China. Get lost."

"This is no place for sadists, Sadist. Get lost."

"Go and get your giant dog out of here. It's an eyesore."

"You're the eyesore. And what are you doing to this poor girl? She looks like she's gonna cry."

"Um...excuse me..." (F/N) murmured. "I'm guessing you two know each other?"

"Oh, yeah, this is China," Okita said, jabbing a finger in the girl's direction. "She's an escaped mental patient who—"

The dog bit his head, and while he was struggling to escape, the girl rolled her eyes, and sighed.

"Men. Anyway, I'm Kagura. What's your name?"

"Oh, um...(F/N)."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Then, just as Okita managed free himself from the dog's death grip, they raised their weapons, and attacked.

"What—" Okita blocked Kagura's umbrella, while ducking to avoid a swing of (F/N)'s practice sword. "What the hell just happened? Why are you attacking me?"

"Oh, no reason," (F/N) said innocently. "There's just one little thing...I'm changing the rules of our training. Now the only rule is that I'm going to make you pay for destroying my things!"

~o0o~

"Oh, wow! You're a yato? That's so cool!"

"Yup! What about you? Where did you learn to throw kunai like that?"

"Oh, that? My previous bodyguard taught me. He was a ninja."

Kagura tilted her head. "Bodyguard?"

"Oh, yeah..." (F/N) scratched the back of her neck. "My family's pretty wealthy. They don't like me going outside without one, so...that's what Sougo-kun's doing here."

"Oh, you're the one he was looking for the other day?" she asked. "I'd assumed his girlfriend left him."

"Hey, I'm glad you two are getting along and all, but can you please untie me? I'm losing the circulation in my arms."

(F/N) tossed an empty box of pickled seaweed at Okita's head.

"Prisoners don't get to make requests!"

Okita scowled at her. He and Kagura were evenly matched, and (F/N) would never stand a chance against him on her own, but together, they'd managed to overpower him, and now he was tied to a tree, watching as (F/N) and Kagura sat around and snacked on pickled seaweed. As he glared at them (F/N) could've sworn she heard him mutter, "I knew training her at the park was a bad idea..."

"Hey, Kagura-chan," (F/N) said. "Now that we've taken him out, I have a very important question to ask you..."

Kagura blinked. "Hm? Yeah, what is it?"

"Can I please pet your dog?"

~o0o~

"Waah! He's so fluffy!"

Okita didn't get what (F/N) found so appealing about Kagura's monster dog. All he knew was it annoyed the crap out of him.

She continued gushing about the dog, even as he walked her home. The sun was starting to set, and her face was dyed in shades of pink and orange as she walked alongside him, still gushing about that goddamn dog.

"He was so cute! And his fur was so thick! I felt like I could get lost in it! I can't wait to see him again..."

Okita rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I get it, the dog was cute. Big deal."

She chuckled. "What's got your panties in a bunch? You're not jealous, are you?"

He scoffed. "Hell no. I just hate that dog. And that girl. That's it. We're not training at the park, anymore."

"Oh, yes we are, and it's now a requirement that Kagura-chan and Sadaharu have to be there. Or else I'll get all teary-eyed and tell my parents you're being mean to me."

"You're a manipulative bitch."

"Yeah, but I'm your friend, aren't I?"

"Yes, unfortunately."

She smiled to herself in satisfaction, and picked up the pace, hurrying towards the place she called home. Okita watched from behind, and stifled a sigh. What had he done to deserve this? All he'd done was try to murder his boss...hundreds of times, but that didn't mean he deserved to be attached to a murderous princess with a love of sharp things, did it?

Then again, he didn't exactly dislike it. In fact, while he would never admit it, he didn't dislike her at all.

Because life was much more interesting with her in it.

Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked this chapter! If you did, please remember to vote. Thanks!

-Marguerite Partello