Chapter Eleven: Shadow

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The wooden table in my room is cool under my forehead as I sit in silence, internally berating myself for the events of the previous day. I randomly confessed to Kocho in the dumbest way possible, and then I left her there alone. I don't even know if she understood what I was trying to tell her. I am truly an idiot.

Telling myself that I have to at least go check on her, despite the thought that she probably hates me now, I pull myself to my feet and journey across the building to her room. I knock on the door, even though she already knows I'm here. Her light footsteps sound inside the room and I hear the sound of fabric rustling as she shrugs on her haori.

"Ohayo, Tomioka-san!" She sounds the same as always, faking an cheerful tone. It's obvious that she doesn't want to talk about her breakdown yesterday. Instead of stepping outside and joining me, however, she invites me inside. She looks like she has something to ask me.

I enter the room and stand awkwardly to the side, unsure of what to do. She closes the door quietly and turns to face me.

"I need to ask you something." Kocho says, pouring me a cup of tea. "Why are you so determined to help me? And what did you mean yesterday? You said, 'the moon is beautiful tonight', but you weren't looking at the moon."

I glance down at the green tea in my cup, unable to look her in the eye. "The answer to both questions is the same." I murmur. "But how am I supposed to tell you? You very well that I'm bad with words."

She looks at me incredulously for a second, then lifts her fingers to her mouth to cover her amused grin. "You're horrible, Tomioka-san." Kocho giggles, and I feel a pit opening up inside my stomach. "Horrible with words, not just bad. But that's what's good about you. When you really try to tell me something, it's written all over your face."

The pit turns into butterflies, and my face heats up almost immediately. "You...know?"

Kocho drops her hand and her laughing grin vanishes, her eyes have softened and, even though she's smiling, she looks so terribly sad. "I know. And I'm sorry. You know about my plan, don't you?"

I can't bring myself to speak, so I simply dip my head.

"I'm so sorry. But I can't live anymore." The words are laced with pain, and a poisoned arrow pierces my heart. "It hurts so much."

Kocho isn't whispering, but her voice is breathless and defeated. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing, not trusting my lungs to feed air to my body and brain. "Please. You need to live."

My voice shudders, and pause to calm myself. "There are still people who need you here. All the girls, you need to be there for them. They love you. And...and me. I know it's selfish, but I can't help it. I need you," A huge sigh, escapes me. "Shinobu."

She looks at me as if I'm a bolt of lightning that almost struck her, clutching at the sleeves of her haori until her knuckles turn white. It's the first time I've called her by her first name, but using her last name feels wrong.

"I know," Shinobu's voice trembles. "I know that, but it hurts...so much. Even if I live, after we slay Kibutsuji- after the Corps is disbanded- what am I supposed to do with my life?"

"You could be a doctor. You already are anyway, and you won't need to worry about money either, because you've already saved up so much. And I'll do something too. I'll get a job and earn money." I know I sound desperate, but I don't particularly care. "Please."

"But-"

"Shinobu, if you live I promise you won't regret it." I say, taking her hands in mine. "But if you die," I look her in the eye. "I'll die with you."

Shinobu gasps, her breath shuddering. "You can't."

A/N: I'm back! And I am so sorry for the long wait and the short chapter. I'll also try to pay more attention to my writing quality next time, but since I had to finish this update in like half an hour, I couldn't really revise and edit. Thank you so much for your support and I'll try to update more frequently. :)

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