My Future: Chihayafuru

Ch2: There was nothing

My knees gave into weakness the moment I exited the classroom. Sliding my back down the wall, my head collapsed into my hands. I attempted to muffle my sobs out of respect for other classrooms.

Why was it so dark? Why couldn't I see my future? Did I even have one? If I never became Queen, how could my life have any meaning? Would I ever be able to get into a good college or have a fulfilling job and make money? 

"Chihaya," I heard Taichi's voice say. 

He quietly shut the classroom door and stepped past me. I clenched his strong wrist as he walked by. His gaze on me was compassionate and understanding...even though he would never understand my position, considering that he had his life figured out. 

"Are you okay?" he sat down next to me. 

"Taichi, I saw it. When I closed my eyes," tears fell from my lashes. 

"What?" 

"The future. My future. There was nothing there. It was void. Empty. It...It scared me." 

"Chihaya, it was dark because you were closing your eyes. You saw the back of your eyelids, not your future."

The compassion drained from his expression and now he looked exasperated with me. 

"I know that, but it's metophoricial!"

"You mean metaphorical?" He raised one brow. 

 "Forget it! Of course you will never understand! You get the highest grades and accepted into any college you want. Meanwhile, I poured my entire life into Karuta only to realize I have absolutely nothing outside of it."

"What about being a PE teacher? I thought you wanted to do that. Then you could teach Karuta and go to tournaments." 

I sighed heavily recalling the terrible advising meeting I had the other day. 

"Well, it turns out in order to be any kind of teacher, I need to have a baseline of college education or educational training which requires good grades. They told me it would be hard for me."

"I see," he clenched his hands together. 

"So, I'm going to be homeless!" I wailed, my head returning to my hands. 

"Hey, hey. No. Chihaya. Look at me," he gently lifted my face with his warm thumb. 

"Why would you say something like that?" his voice carried a concerned tone. 

"My sister. She told me if I can't get a job and help pay our parents' mortgage that I have no business living there, causing more expenses. It's easy for her. She's a model and brings in money. But it looks like I won't be able to do anything...and I'll end up homeless." 

"Chihaya, that's a very immature thing to say. You'll be able to get some kind of job. You're a very pretty girl. You could even be a model like your sister if you wanted."

"No!" I shouted louder than I intended. 

He seemed startled by my response, his eyes narrowing on me. 

"She's the model. That's what she does. I cheer her on like I should. But modeling is her thing. Not mine," I swallowed hard, "So, I picked out a bench in the park that I'll sleep on when my sister kicks me out. It's under a cherry blossom tree, which should shelter me from any rain." 

Laughter rumbled in his throat as he attempted to suppress a grin. 

"That's so stupid, it's funny." 

"It's not stupid! And it's rude to laugh at my unfortunate fate."

"It won't happen. I promise you that. Not if I have a say in the matter." 

What did he mean by 'if he had a say in the matter?' How could Taichi change my fate? How could he make such a bold statement when he knew nothing of my future?

I sniffled. Trying to wipe the snot from my nose with my arm. Taichi reached into his side pocket and pulled out a tissue.

"Here. I thought you might need it."

It was the extra soft kind of tissue with lotion inside. How long had Taichi been carrying this around? I chuckled to myself. Only Taichi would do something like this. 

"Thank you," I blew hard into it. 

"Now, dry your tears and compose yourself. You shouldn't be missing class this long. And neither should I." 

He stood to his feet, and helped me stand to mine. 

"There's still a little snot," Taichi pointed to my nose. 

He handed me another tissue. I wiped hard. 

"Now smile, Chihaya," his golden brown eyes lingered on me. Why was he looking at me like ...like he...I don't know. I don't know what his face was telling me. And I don't know why it made my stomach turn or why it was making my heart beat faster. 

Look away Taichi. Please.