Be this Way

21.

I asked Joyce to text Maverick that I was at his apartment. She raised an eyebrow at me but did it.

"He has my apartment key." I looked at my feet. I was mortified how it sounded coming out of my mouth. What could she think of me? Everything she's heard and seen of me has been negative. I wish we'd met for a nice dinner, where I could show her who I really was, but unfortunately it didn't work that way.

"I'm not going to ask." She put a hand on my shoulder. "You want the couch or his room, he's got Netflix." She smiled at me. "Liv, I like you you're special, I can tell your nervous around me but please, relax."

"His room is fine. I know I need to relax but it's not easy for me." I put my hand on hers, wondering what my mom was doing right now. Was she worried about were I was, should I go check in. "But I think I should go home, my mom must have been a little worried about me."

Her eyes lit up. "Livy, you're such a good kid." She pulled me in for an awkward hug. "I wish Mav thought about me half the time he did stupid shit." She laughed and let me go. I thanked her for her help tonight and for letting me vent to her. It was genuinely nice to have an adult appear to care.

I rode the elevator down to the second floor. The elevator lurched. I felt a yawn coming on and fought it off. It had to be at least 11 o'clock now. The elevator shuddered to a stop on the second floor. I walked slowly down the hall every step felt like my feet were in lead boots. I couldn't believe my mom slapped me, but I probably deserved it. I've never talked to her like that.

"Hi baby." Mom was sitting by herself, a couple of candles the only light in the living room. I frowned, visions of human sacrifice flashed across my mind. I shook my head, she wasn't insane.

"Mom." I closed the door cautiously. "Hi. Did the power go out?" I forced a small laugh.

"No, just felt like lighting some candles. Sue me. Come sit down please we need to talk." She patted the couch next to her. "Please I feel awful Liv." I studied my mom, in her oversized sweatshirt and yoga pants, her hair pulled back into a messy bun, she looked so young, more like a friend than a mother. She had a glass of wine between her fingers balanced on her knee. She watched me eyeing the glass. "You want a glass, it's in the fridge." She pointed a finger towards the kitchen. "It's not like I've set the best example."

"No mom, I don't." I sat down pulling my legs under my body. "After this morning I'm done drinking for awhile." I waited to see her reaction. She simply shrugged. "Aren't you upset?"

"How can I be? You're 16, I'm barely home, I'm not surprised. Plus you're a smart girl Liv, I trust your choices." Her mouth pulled into a straight line. "Tell me what's going on in your life."

I looked at the rug on the ground, it's edges frayed. "If I ask something you can't get weird. Promise?" I wanted to avoid talking about her slapping me.

She leaned forward her face excited like a child on Christmas. "I'll try." She fluttered her hands up and down to show me she was staying calm.

"Can I get on birth control?" I bit my lip and waited for her reaction. She breathed in fast and took a long sip of her wine.  I felt myself shaking nervously. The longer she sat there the longer I wished I was struck by lightning. The way the candles flickered across her face made the situation even more serious.

"Have you?" I realized she was trying to contain her excitement. I found it utterly bizarre, my face darkened as the blood rushed to the surface. Wasn't she supposed to be mad at me?

"Mom, I mean yes. That's all I'm saying." I wished I could crawl down to the floor and pick at the frayed edges of the rug. I regretted bringing it up, fearful she'd want details, I didnt want to share.