Izuku Midoryia One-Shots

The Feeling Of Free

    Most times he can ignore it.

    The swirling wind of doubts, the memories he tried so hard to forget, the feeling of never getting enough air. But some days -days like these- it became impossible to ignore. The thoughts were always there, whispering to him. And he supposes he could count those as his good days. The days where it's easier to smile but he's still not sure if it's real. Where it's easier to fall asleep, but then again, he doesn't know. For the only reason he sleeps is to not feel anything.

    Then there's the days where the whispers become silent screaming. When he can't help but flinch when it gets too loud and when the company that he usually earns gets exhausting. Because some days, it feels like his lungs are crushing under this invisible weight.

    Sometimes he wonders if he should ask for help.

    Even though Izuku knows he's not fine, he realizes that he's just not worth it. There are so many people who need it so much more than him, people who have it off so much worse. Because Izuku has everything he's ever wanted. He has friends, teacher's that are here to help him (He trusts them as heroes, not teachers), a quirk, and even All Might. There is absolutely no reason why he should be feeling like this.

    So Izuku says he's fine.

    On the days where his mind just won't let him sleep and he feels confined in his room, he ventures up to the dorm's rooftop. Some might say that it wasn't safe to go to a place that could bring you eternal piece, but Izuku has been doing this since he was eleven. He jumps over the railing and sits on the edge, letting his legs dangle off of the ledge. This is his safe place; the one time where he doesn't have to be anyone.

    Izuku won't jump.

    Not even when it makes the most sense, or when the wind whispers to him. He won't jump even though he wonders what it would feel like if he just leaned a little bit too forward and fell. He won't jump because he know's -hopes- that better days are to come. That he's made it so far and he's a hand length's away from his dream.

    "Problem child?"

    Izuku thought that his teacher seeing him like this would cause him to panic, but it didn't. He didn't care because there was nothing to be worried about. Izuku wasn't going to jump.

    "Don't worry, Aizawa-sensei. I'm not going to jump." He looked over to see Aizawa now sitting next to him. His teacher wasn't looking at him, so Izuku turned his head back to the star-filled sky.

    "Why are you up here at three in the morning?" Izuku knew that Aizawa cared about his students, but that didn't mean he necessarily cared about him. U.A. had changed many things for Izuku, but putting his trust in his teachers was not one of them.

    "I couldn't sleep." The voices were too loud.

    "So you decided to come to the rooftop." It was not a question.

    "Not the first time." Izuku had lost count of all the times he came up to the roof. Just like he lost count of all the Red Spider Lilies he found on his desk.

    The silence that usually brought him ease, was driving him insane. Why hadn't Aizawa left him alone yet? He wasn't going to jump, so there was nothing to be worried about (not that he's saying Aizawa should be worried about that, either.)

    "You know, you don't have to pretend." His voice was numb, but inside he was feeling a rage that he couldn't understand. He never understood himself. "You don't have to act like you care." He felt like just as he was getting better, just when he was beginning to feel happy, everything fell apart. "I know you don't. I mean, why would you?" He had failed so many people. He failed his mother for burdening her, he failed Kacchan for being the cause of their broken friendship, he failed Sir Nighteye and Mirio. And someday, he's going to fail All Might. "I'm not worth being worried over. Besides, I'll be okay. I'm not going to jump." Him and Aizawa knew he wasn't just trying to convince Aizawa that he wasn't going to leap off that building.

    "Midoriya, do you care about me? Do you worry about me?"

    The questions, as easy as they were, confused Izuku. "Of course I do. You've done so much for us."

    "Okay. Then what if I tell you that you are not worried about me. That you don't care about me."

    "I'd try to convince you that I do worry, and I do care."

    "Izuku, I do care for you, and I am worried about you." The sentence felt foreign to Izuku's ears. Because never had a teacher said that to him. To Izuku, those words were just an impossible dream. "Midoryia, you have saved so many people and have done so many amazing things, but you are still a child. It's easy to forget that, but that doesn't make it any less true. You have so much weight on your shoulders, and although I may not understand what you're feeling right now, I want you to know that I am here for you."

There was a moment of silence between the two. Izuku couldn't find anything to say. What would be the right thing to say in this situation? His mouth was empty with words until it just... wasn't.

    "Sometimes I wonder what the point is. Why does it matter if I break another bone? Or I stay up two nights in a row? Sometimes I just can't bring myself to care, but at the same time I feel like I have no right in feeling like this. I have everything I ever wanted, and yet, I still have days when I'm just so tired." Izuku to his surprise, wasn't crying. In fact, he could feel a ghost of a smile on his lips. It felt so good to let this out, and once he started, it was near impossible to stop. "Most days I can ignore this feeling, but there are days where I feel like I'm getting crushed by an invisible weight and, oh god, it gets so hard to breathe. I don't remember that last time I was okay, and a part of me is terrified that I will never be okay. That maybe I don't deserve it."

    "Kid, you do deserve to get better. And it's okay if you feel like this. The point is, is that you are still here. You're still fighting even when the odds seemed against you, you still kept going. I am so proud of you, Midoryia. You deserve help, and I promise that I will always be here for you. I promise you, that one day, things are going to get better."

    "Thank you, Aizawa-sensei."

    Izuku had never felt so free.