STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT...kinda

MY CONFESSION.

My dear diary, I call you Cherie because you know me well. You never betray me. You know me more than I know myself really. I have a confession to make to you Cherie. This is my confession. It is hard and also a betrayal to my heart but I have to tell you.

I fell deeply in love with Mikey in this one year with him. All his dramas used to hurt and annoy me. I hated them so much as I hate my heart for betraying me and loving him yet it knew that I will never have him for myself. It hurts so much. It really does..

The drama that really killed me inside was the relationship with the Dining Hall prefect. I always tried to compare myself and she just to understand what was special about the girl. I was more beautiful than her, intelligent than her, mature than her, sophisticated, exposed and her, she was just an ordinary village girl. What made this girl deserve what was officially meant for me?

I know Cherie… I know. I did a wrong thing not telling him but seriously, how was I supposed to start the conversation?

“Mon ami, J’ai t’aime. I love you Mikey. “

You know that I don’t do that Cherie. It might be my first and worst embarrassment ever especially if he could have turned me down. I wanted a clean reputation. I valued our so called friendship so much. I hope that you will not judge me dear diary. I can’t stand you judging me or laughing at me. I don’t want him to run away from me so that my heart can hurt in peace.

You well know how Mikey feels for girls apparently apart from the Dining hall prefect. How could he settle for her surely! Thinking about it makes me feel like dying. I hated so much seeing them together, talking or taking a stroll together…YACK. I wish that it was me beside him. I hate what I feel really.

The guy is a special species diary. He is handsome, intelligent, tall, dark and every adjective that describe a beautiful boy really. He can sing, dance and the most important part is that he is a basketballer diary… a BASKETBALLER, you know the weakness I have for basketballers and guys that can sing and dance. I know you agree with me that this guy is my dream guy diary, don’t you… to bad...

I fell in love my Cherie. I know that I never showed any interest in him but seriously, I cannot hide it, especially now that after our final, I will never see him again.

I wish I had enough courage to talk out but I also know that if I had done it earlier, his girlfriend would had freaked out so much. There was this day that Mikey went home and the girl tried calling him and the idiot never answered the call, the girl cried herself to sleep, poor thing. She also did the same when she once saw the Swahili madam sited with her beloved Mikey. The girl is the reason I was never courageous enough to talk out my feelings.

I know that this not a justification of why I let another have what I yearned for but hey Cherie, can you blame? I was never taught to be selfish but now I have learnt that somethings you have to be selfish with what you want. I think I will write a letter, leaving my number on it so that when he gets the letter, at least he will look for me if he will be feeling the same. I know this is madness but that’s love right?

Mikey became my stranger in the night when … dear Cherie diary... When did I meet this stranger called love?

A smoky room a small café
They come to hear you play
And drink and dance the night away
I sit out in the crowd
And close my eyes
Dream you are mine
But you don’t know
Don’t even know that
I am there…

I have mastered the first verse of the song SPANISH GUITAR by Toni Braxton. We had a literature class and we were supposed to sing and when Mikey stood to sing this song, looking at me directly in the eyes, I saw, no I felt that he was singing to me.  It became my ringtone when he calls me because I always feel like he is singing to me again just like in class the other day.

CHORUS
I wish that I was in your arms
Like that, Spanish Guitar
And you would play me through the night
Till dawn….
I wish you hold me in your arms
Like that Spanish guitar
All night long...