Calm [H.S]

Chapter 9: Lights Up

*Song: Lights Up by Harry Styles*

Harry's POV:

One week later

    "What do you mean? I'm sorry by the way. Never coming back down." When I was in Italy it was a very crazy time. I basically just explored like my therapist told me to do.  And I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who I am and who I want to be. I want to be someone people can look up to and people can look to when they have problems. I want to be able to help people as much as I can with my music. As for who I am, I'm Harry and just Harry. Not Harry with Leah. Just Harry as an independent person. I basically sat myself down and had to rip the bandage off more than I did before. I cried, a lot. But that was part of the process. I know this is dramatic but I kinda feel rejuvenated.

    "Can't you see? I could, but wouldn't stay. Wouldn't put it like that." I started writing this song in Italy. I don't really know what it's about but it's somewhere along the course of finding myself.

    "What do you mean? I'm sorry by the way. Never coming around. Be so sweet if things just stayed the same." I hate change and there has been so much of it recently but I guess I just have to learn to deal with it day by day.

    "All the lights couldn't put out the dark. Runnin' through my heart. Lights up and they know who you are. Know who you are. Do you know who you are?" I kind of picture the lights as the lights when I'm on stage. As fun as it was on stage, the second I got off everything came back, hitting me like a truck. And I feel like everyone feels like they really know you but they don't, they only know what I show them.   

"Thank you for coming to see me, I hope you had a good time. Treat People With Kindness, goodnight," I say into the microphone, walking off stage.

    I immediately went into my dressing room and lock the door so I could be alone. I feel myself beginning to panic. I take off my suit jacket. I feel like everything is getting so tight.  This has been happening so much recently. I feel like I have to put on a whole act just to go on stage. Those people paid money to see me and I'm not going to stand up there being sad. The worst thing is I don't even know why I'm like this. I have everything I could possibly want, don't I? I hear a knock on the door and begin to panic even more that I already was.

    "Harry?" Sarah says from the other side of the locked door.

    "Yeah, I'll be out in a minute," I choke, holding back tears.

    "Okay, just try and hurry up. We have a flight to catch.

    Now crying, I change into sweatpants and a t-shirt. I begin to pace back and forth, trying to calm myself down. Not that it's working. I never really know what to do when I get into situations like this. I have always had some sort of nervousness and anxiety but now it's worse than ever. In the beginning I just thought maybe it was because I was going solo for the first time and now here I am, past that fear, still freaking out after every show. No one even knows that this happens to me. Not even Mitch. Jeffrey has an idea about it but he doesn't know the whole thing.

    "Harry, we have to get going," Jeffrey says from the other side of the door.

    "Okay, I'm coming."

    "Shine, step into the light. Shine, so bright sometimes. Shine, I'm not ever going back. Shine, step into the light. Shine, so bright sometimes. Shine, I'm not ever going back. Shine, step into the light. Shine, so bright sometimes. Shine, I'm not ever oh." Now when I step under those stage lights I'm not only going to be honest with the fans but I'm going to ber honest with myself.