The Vampire Diaries Reviews💋

Delicious Destiny

Review#8

Written by __kaytlyn
Reviewed by dallas1213
Aka Katherine

Chapter one:
So normally when you have a character start speaking, you put two apostrophe commas in front first, so for an example.

"Eva wake up you to go to the office, right?"

See?

Also, you need to add 'to' after go as well as before it.

Note:
I'm definitely interested:)

Chapter two:
Ok so instead of saying ( Arun left)
Use details and say

And with that Arun turned and walked away, to where? Well we have no idea.

And instead of ( At Arun's cabin )

You could use details and say ( Later on in Arun's cabin )

Instead of ( Everyone leaves )
You could have.

And with Arun's orders everyone but Oma and I leaves the cabin. Mumbling words under their breath, that Oma nor I can understand.

Instead of ( He give a card )

How about you try.

He sighs as he pulls out a business card from the pocket of his suit jacket.

And it should be ( He gave a card )
Instead of he give a card.

Ps:
I hope I am not being harsh? I just don't want someone coming along and being mean. Because I have had someone call one of my books trash and they said it was like reading a movie script. So I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I made and I got bullied for it. And I don't want you to also get bullied for it.

Chapter three:
Ok so "Come to my office at tomorrow 7:30 am;

So instead of that, as I see a few mistakes and I hope you see them as well. It should go. "Come to my office tomorrow at 7:30 am."

See?

Chapter four:
Aww❤ He covered her with a blanket:)
So cute❤

Chapter six:

Note:
I think the 'Don't tell me, show me' tip will help you a lot. Basically, it means don't tell me what is going on, instead show me what is going on with and through the details.

Because I see that you have a wonderful book, but it is just lacking details and I feel that if you added more details that will give your book that one final push before being truly the perfect book❤

My English teacher taught me the 'Don't tell me, show me' tip and ever since I have added more details to my stories and I feel that it has helped me a whole lot better.

Chapter ten:
Cute outfits:)

Chapter eleven:
Beautiful wedding dress:)

Chapter twelve:
Beautiful wedding invitations❤

Ps:
This wedding is going to be so beautiful❤

Ps #2:
I would love a guy to get me fancy chocolates like that❤
But....the only problem is that I don't like them😂

Chapter sixteen:
Ok so the only thing I will suggest is that maybe instead of using so many pictures in this chapter, you could try and describe what you see in the picture? Like take the image from the picture and turn it into words. So instead of the reader looking at a picture to get the idea of the scene, they just read and let their imagination take over.

Chapter seventeen:
Beautiful dress❤
And cool dress gif:)

Chapter eighteen:
Very cute house.

Chapter nineteen:
Oh, a little shocked about the arranged marriage!😮

Cover: 10/10
Plot: 10/15
Grammar: 3/10
Spelling: 5/10
Personal enjoyment: 5/10

So, your grammar does need to be improved as I saw a lot of mistakes, so that is why I gave 3 out of ten. And your plot, I felt that it could've been better, but like I said you need to add more details. Because honestly without details a book is boring, but your book is not, just because you do have details but just not enough details.

Ok so like I said I would suggest you use 'Don't tell me, show me' tip and maybe even look into getting an editor to help with grammar and details. I have a few editors who help me with my book 'Not What You Expected' and they help me lot❤

But other than those things your book is good❤

(Ps thank you for giving me this wonderful opportunity❤)

-Katherine.