Silence Behind Her

chapter twenty-five

Rae Jinri Ferrer

Tumayo na ang lahat matapos i-dismiss ng guro ang klase. Phew, nag surprise oral recitation sya. Buti nalang nag advance reading ako kagabi. So it wasn't a surprise to me. Nag decide ako na kumain sa garden. Oo, ayaw ko na talaga sa cafeteria. Namataan ko ang apat na baboy palabas sa room nila. Actually, katabi lang ng room ko ngayon. They were laughing like idiots. Ngunit bago pa nila ako mahuli na nakatingin sa kanila, lumihis na ako ng daan. And sure, they won't recognize me because of my short hair.

Napunta ako sa may mayabong na puno at umupo. Kung saan ako natamaan ng bola at natulog before my pictures was posted in the bulletin board. Hah. Kainis. Yes, I forgive but I can't forget. Kahit na hindi ko alam ang nag post nun at napatawad ko na, still, I can't just forget it. Nang dahil kase dun, nag break down ako.

Nilabas ko ang baon ko and was to take a bite in it when someone snatched it away. I saw a pair of red sneakers.

"Hoy," And it's him who owns those sneakers.

"What are you doing here, Kelvin?" I asked as I look up, dahil obviously, nakatayo sya at ang tangkad nya pa.

The scenes yesterday crawled in my thoughts. Him, confessing and shouting.

"Babantayan ka," Napatayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa grass field nang sabihin nya yun.

"Go away," I mumbled. But he heard it. He asked why. Is he that dumb?

"Just go away," Because I don't wanna people see you with me. I wanna add.

"Really, RJ? Ano bang problema mo? Noon, okay lang sayo na bumubuntot ako." Sinigawan na naman nya ako. I sighed in frustration. I wish he's here. Because honestly, I can't handle this.

Nilibot ko ang paningin sa field. May naglalaro ng soccer di kalayuan. Pero mukhang walang makakapansin samin dito.

"Gusto mo ba talagang malaman?" Pumikit sya ng mariin, maybe out of frustration. And asked what I'm saying.

Martinez, please be here. I know, I sounded so desperate because even knowing that he's on the college department now, I still wish him to be here.

"Talaga? Gusto mo talaga?"

"PVTA! SABIHIN MO NA!" I was taken a back and took me a couple of seconds before saying,

"I don't wanna be your another woman." I finally said it. His anger subsided, I think, because his mouth hang as if I threw a bomb in front of him.

He remained silent.

"Kaya lumayo ka na. Break Rollyn's order." I added. At tumalikod.

"Gusto mo rin ako diba?" I'm no good in sorting my feelings out in just a snap. Kaya,

"That doesn't matter anymore." I looked at him for a sec and turned away. Gusto pa naman diba? Hindi pa malalim. At isa lang ang sigurado ko, I didn't fell. Yes, he make me secured and I care for him. But that's it.

Diba?

Nagulat ako nang may biglang thud. Yun pala, lumuhod sya. Napa harap ako. Wae, bakit sya lumuluhod?

"I don't like her, RJ. We both don't have feelings for each other." He said while looking at me straight in the eyes. I sighed frustratedly.

"Sa tingin mo ganun lang ka simple yun?" I said. And added, "Think about Barium,"

Because I know what it feels like not having a complete family and how it feels to know everyone is lying.

"Please," he begged. I looked downward, turned my back and started to walk away.

Feelings ain't enough for us to be together.

~*~

Days passed. At wala nang Kelvin na sumusunod. Honestly, I miss him. Pero di na importante yun. Mabuti na nga at wala sya para hindi na ako makonsensya.

Nasa loob ako ng room, and sadly, kaklase ko ang apat na baboy na nakapwesto sa unahan. Buti nalang at nasa pinakahuli akong upuan, just like the old days.

May pumasok, I thought it was the teacher, but no. Because it's her, Tyra Claire Dizon. Inilibot nya ang paningin. Déjà vu.

"Don't look," May biglang humawak sa ulo ko at pinayuko. And all I can see is the sheen light. That voice. It's Patricio Lanzaderas'. Then I felt he put his arms around my shoulders and put the other around my head, as if hugging me.

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered. I even don't know why I'm whispering, tho. Kung noon, hindi ko kayang magsalita at hinahayaan nalang ang lahat, ngayon hindi na. I will never be the same me.

"I saw you the other day," he whispered too. Napaangat ang ulo ko sa gulat pero ibinalik nya ulit. Nauntog pa ako. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from groaning in pain. He murmured a sorry. Kainis.

Sure he heard all the things I said and Kevin too.

"Do you knew it all along?" I managed to ask even trying to hide my sarcasm. I didn't heard the response I wanna hear because he said, "Only Martinez can answer that."

"What-" pero naputol ang pagtanong ko when finally, he let go of my head. Umayos ako ng upo at mataman syang tiningnan. He gestured a silence. Tsk. At ayun, kumain na sya ng apple na hindi ko alam kung saan nya nakuha.

"Thank you," I murmured.

"Mm?" He responded. Sure, he didn't heard what I said. I just shrugged and said nothing.

Because for sure, Tyra is furiously mad based on her facial expressions. And the reason is me.

~*~