rambles about love

talk is overrated (sad ramble)

          yay, my mental state dropped and I can't listen to blackbear without crying. sometimes love hurts. most of the time it does. relationships end due to one cause or another. you move on and get through it most the time, right? what happens during the meantime though? 
         for me, my mental state declines heavily. say something remotely not nice when I'm having a bad day and suddenly I've got to restart my self-harm tracker. like my best friend was spending the night and my grandma said something to him about me and I just walked into my room and cut my thighs. I'm a literal wreck and it's annoying. I will say however that I'm working on it. I'm willing to go to others for help and not just cry about it or try and od again. liver failer isn't fun btw.
         maybe it's the fact that I've been conditioned into thinking like this. maybe it's just because I hardly sleep well anymore. maybe it's the fact that idk if this is what any of us want anymore. I just don't know. 
        I'm worried about so much tbh. like everything is scaring me.