I Lack Freedom

1. Stressed

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I do not intend to offend any religious people I think it is incredible to have something to look up to something and the determination to continue on that belief is amazing.

I am stressed out of my mind. My dad once again took my phone without me knowing and attempted to sneak on. Thankfully, I had changed my password, so I found out that he was getting on but then he made a rant about me changing my password.

I'm 14 to be exact and I've always valued privacy over any other value. Second comes decent respect and equality for all. Something my family doesn't seem to have a clue about. And one last thing is freedom.

So, when my dad is going through my phone, I feel like he can see all my ' sins' that I have done over the years. I hate it. Usually keep all my secrets in my diary but I can't carry that around everywhere so sometimes I write my problems and stress onto my phone. Something I really don't need dad see.

I would tell him stop but then he tells me that as my parent he how full rights to my phone. I don't believe it but when I want to say something back, I feel like his back turned means that the conversation has ended. Besides I'm too shy and scared to tell him the truth.

Some people then may ask why I'm so scared. Well I have had this idea drilled into my brain since birth that the father is the head of the house and no one must go against him other than his parents. And on top of all of it, he believe that the idea has begun to make him feel more powerful then he really is He keeps acting like a Lord of some sort, where mama and me have do everything

Fortunately for me I must concentrate on studying. Mama and Papa keep telling me that my youth is the best time of my life. While I disagree All I've gotten is Stress ,anxiety, headaches, eating disorder and so on I've even started scratching my wrist with a pair of scissor deep enough to make them swell up and hurt for a couple of hours but never going past that, but I haven't done that in a while.

I listen all the rustling going on in the next room. Paying attention to shuffling that happens from the chair and the bed and the slightly strained coughs that my dad makes. All the while wondering what he is doing to my phone.

I sat there in silence, my only distraction as the continuous movement of my pen as I wrote down what I thought would be the answer to a geography homework that I had unwillingly gained from last Tuesday. 9:54 displayed itself on my radio as I prayed for the next hour to pass quickly so I was freed from my job of studying and could rest my sore eyes.

My birthday was just around the corner and I was already at the age of questioning my sexuality and I had found that I was just around the corner and I was already at the age of questioning my sexuality and I had to take some time to think it over but I realised that I was bisexual. I only discovered my sexuality because I had slowly gained a crush on my childhood friend.

The house had suddenly become quiet and was wishing that I had turned up my ring tone so I could hear when he typed on my phone. The fear that he would investigate my Wattpad account and see the gay stories that I had read, continued to grow in my stomach.

I think I may have missed out the fact that I was the daughter of homophobia's and Christian believers. My entire family could be described as those two words. They all had something against LGBTQ+ and believeing in fake fantasy e.g. werewolves, aliens, vampires. But my problems weren't that they claimed that werewolves of the moon and mermaids of the sea didn't exist but also that they claim that what was written in the bible was true history. But then again if it were possible to raise the dead back to the living and walking on water really happened then how are werewolves and sirens not real.

I had long given up my faith in God by the age of 12. There was no logic in my eyes. And I also so saw it as a path that humans took to claim that they have gotten rid of their sin and avoid punishment as they don't want to live with their guilt. Lastly the information given in the bible is to unrealistic.

I didn't believe. I refused to lie to myself that I was truly a Christian and believed what I could not, I had made many wishes for my future to become Atheist and be free from traditional love where the child could not chose their partner or from the lack of right as my parents still believe that men have power over women and he uses that to his advantage. I would have easily left a long time ago but something was always holding me back from my freedom...

Guilt.

And so I continue to cry quietly in my room

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I hope you enjoy the start of this story.

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