The Playboy's Karma

Chapter 16

Reagina Anais

Days had passed. I feel like I'm living in a dream. He's so damn sweet, loving and caring. He wasn't kidding. He really intended to make me fall in love but the thing is, kahit noong hindi pa siya nagsisimula ay hulog na ako sa kanya. Him and his dirty mouth, stupidly cute and charming smiles, comforting hugs, and just him in general.

Yet here I am still afraid to say the words. I'm frustrated with myself because first and foremost he did nothing but to make me happy and express his love but all I can think about is my issues and the voices in my head that say that he's gonna leave me at magsasawa din siya sa akin.

Do not get me wrong. Tita Deb raised me right and showered me with love. However, These doubts and issues re-surfaced because I didn't have a stable family and my father completely abandoned me and blamed me for my mother's death. Although, I've already passed that. I learned to forgive him through therapy. 

Nakakaasar lang kasi kung kailan gusto ko nang sumaya at tumalon tsaka ko ito naramdaman. There is no doubt that I love him. I can see myself growing old with nobody but him. I can't imagine myself marrying someone except from him. He's the man that I would want in this life and even in the next. 

Kasalukuyan akong nakaupo sa damuhan, sa harap ng puntod ni Tita Debra. I took off my work jacket dahil mainit. Instead nagpalit ako ng puti na v-neck na t-shirt. I'm still wearing my black slacks at ang itim ko din na flats. The humidity is high and the sun shone on me but I can't seem to mind it because I have a dilemma to face. I go here whenever I'm freaked out or have some issue that I'm only comfortable telling my aunt. Sinamantala ko ang lunchbreak para pumunta dito. To clear my head and sort out my feelings out.

Bahagya kong inayos ang mga bulaklak na dinala ko para sa kanya. I hugged my knees and stared at the dark granite.

"Tita..I found someone..he's great, gwapo, mabango, has the most charming smile and so caring..medyo gago nga lang.." I said like I was actually talking to her. I can imagine her shaking her head because that's what my types are. "He's someone that you should've told me to avoid because he was a playboy..." I followed it with a chuckle. "Don't worry, he's no longer like that..and he's Eriz's dad and he's perfect in his own way...my perfect man..but I'm scared to dive in with two feet and with my whole being..I'm scared..I mean, I let him in my life..that's a first...pero takot akong papasukin siya puso k-ko.."

The wind suddenly blew. The fresh breeze kissed my skin and my hair. 

"I love him..but I-I'm scared that he'll get tired of me and a-abandon me." I closed my eyes as that bitter feeling started to rise from my throat. I felt my nose burn as the tears started to form. "Years of therapy and still scared." I chuckled humorlessly and looked up to the sky.

Noong nagka-trabaho na ako ay nagsimula akong pumunta sa Psychotherapist dahil pakiramdam ko ay nakakasagabal ang issues ko sa buhay ko. I was 'healed' somehow and started to interact with actual other people instead of just Zherly. The proof of that is Immanuel. Although, ibang usapan naman si Ethan. It's a lifelong commitment and partnership that we are talking about.

I trust him..that's not the issue. It's just that I'm scared to jump in and take the risk. The question is, do I love him enough to take that risk? Is my love for him enough to try to jump and forget about the scary part?

Napalingon ako sa daan nang may narinig akong ugong ng mga sasakyan. May dalawang SUV's na pumarada sa gilid. The first car was Ethan's, mabilis siyang bumaba dala ang isang malaking itim na payong. He's still wearing his work clothes minus the jacket. Nakaitim lang siya na dress shirt. It's tucked in his gray slacks. He powerfully strode in my way. Lumingon ako sa kanyang likuran. Knight together with two more bodyguards are standing and observing the place.