Stunned

Promises

"Mama can I come in yet?" I say as I annoyingly knock at my mothers door. "Could you stop ? You annoying ass lil girl." Antwon, my moms boyfriend says, opening the door. He looks at me with frightening eyes, almost completely black. His hair short and very scruffy. His effluvium very strong of drugs and musk. I see mama on the bed in her robe. She laughs. "Oh Antwon leave her alone." Mama says laughing. Antwon pushes me out of his way as I enter mamas room. "Chasity I didn't say you could come in." Mama says frowning, pointing me out of her room. I walk back towards the door as Antwon comes back in pushing me out and closing the door. I just go upstairs and go to bed.

"Chasity maybe you could come live with me." My bestfriend says as we walk through the park the next morning. "Yeah, I wish; mama may not listen to me but she would never let me live with you." I say. "Chasity you're gonna be 18 soon, you have to figure something out." Alex says. I nod at her and we walk to class. At the end of the day Antwon picks me up in mamas car from cheerleading practice. I walk up to the door in my cheerleading outfit, he points at the backseat. I get in. He doesn't say anything for half the ride then suddenly he yells... "your mama told yo ass to have yo room clean before you left, right ?" Antwon says. I ignore him. He looks back at me. "Chasity do you hear me talking to you ?" He asks. him thinking he has some type of power or authority over me is just so funny. "Antwon you're not my father, you're just somebody my mother is having sex with and she's dumb enough to play house with you. Like she does with everybody." I say rolling my eyes at him. He nods his head. "Yo mama at work Chas, so we'll see how yo mouth act when we get home." He says. We make it home and I stomp up to my room he follows me and as I sit on the bed he back hands me and grabs my neck. "Chasity learn some respect or I'm gonna teach you some." He says smacking me and touching my butt under my skirt. He feels up to my underwear, then he tugs them down. I squirm around pushing him away "Antwon what are you doing ?" I say, crying pushing him off. He pulls me back while unbuckling his pants, I kick at him with all my might. He pins me down and shoves his penis inside of me. I'm a virgin so I start to bleed but he just proceeds to go faster. I sob pushing him as hard as I can, I scream as loud as I can but he just covers my mouth. I hear mamas voice as she pulls up with her friends outside, he gets up. "You better not say anything, I have something for you on yo birthday if you don't." Antwon says. I nod my head but I know for sure I'm gonna tell mama. I hear mama come in and Antwon and I run down to greet her. "So who was that?" Antwon asks my mom as we approach her. "Come on Antwon, I don't got time for this. Not in front of Chas." My mama says trying to push pass him. He pushes her back. "Chasity go upstairs." Antwon says. "Why is she going upstairs, its not that serious twon forreal." My mama says, looking up at him in fear. "Chasity, what did I say ?" Antwon says. I go upstairs to my room. I hear them arguing, I hear banging then I hear the door slam. Then I hear mama crying. I go downstairs, she holds her arms out for a hug. I come hug her. "Mama what happened ?" I say, rubbing the knot on her forehead. "It's alright baby, don't you worry about me." Mama says, pulling me close. "Mama I have something to tell you about Antwon, he did stuff to me before you got here." I say. Mama pushes me off of her. "What are you talking about ? Why would you even say that about a grown man ?" Mama says. She suits me up & down. "If you weren't sporting around in this we wouldn't have that problem." Mama continues to say. "Mama this is my cheerleading outfit, you know that." I say. "Chas just get out of my face and find yo own man to fuck on with yo hot ass." Mama says.

I just walk upstairs and call my bestie. I tell her everything - "How can she even say that?!? How could he even do that ?!?" She screams. "Yeah, they make me feel so weak and powerless." I say sobbing. "Just come here girl, I can pick you up." Alex says. "Let me get ready then I'll call you back." I say, getting ready. Alex picks me up and we go to her house. "Chas I just want you to know, I love you and I would never let anything happen to you. With these weak ass niggas or Yo mama." Alex says hugging me. I hug her back. Me and Alex have been friends since I was six years old, she's my favorite person in the world next to my grandma. Alex's mom comes in. "Alex the park downtown just opened back up." She says kissing my forehead. "Can we go mom ?" Alex says. "I don't mind, as long as you're back before the street lights come on and call me every hour." Her mom says. "Come on Chas, we can take my car." She says pulling me outside. "Is she talking about Chaplin Park?" I ask. Because Alex already knows everyone for our school goes to that park so we would definitely run into someone we know. "Yeah, but we have each other so no one will bother us." Alex says, as hopeful as she always is. I just get into the car and she what tonight has in store for me. We drive for fifteen minutes and we make it there. When we get there, there is almost half a dozen people here. "Are you sure it's safe ?" I say. Alex just looks at me. "I mean do you feel safe ?" Alex says laughing, getting out of her car. I follow behind her and I end up seeing my ex, Miguel. I tap Alex signaling her to look in Miguel's direction. "Chas, it's Miguel. Go say something." Alex says. "Girl I'm not saying nothing to him, you know what happened with us." I say. Alex pulls me his way anyway, he's with a bunch of guys so I really don't wanna say anything to them. I pull away, she tries to grab for me but I keep pulling away. "Miguel !" Alex shouts. Miguel notices and starts walking over to us with his guys. They approach us and I just stop fighting with her. Alex gets all goggly eyes with Josè, Miguel's friend. "Hey ladies." Josè. "Heyyy y'all, what's the move today ?" Alex says. "Well there is no "move" for Yall but we going to a party tonight." Miguel says, as arrogant as he always is. I roll my eyes. "And hey Chasity, you can't speak ?" Miguel says. Alex laughs. "Hi Miguel." I say. "So, we can't come to the party ?" Alex says. "Come walk with us." Miguel's friend says. We walk with them and they take us by two other guys. "Who are they." One of the friends say. "This is Chasity and Alex." Miguel says. I almost don't even feel comfortable with him saying my name. "Well this one right here is a dime." One of the boys say looking in my direction. Miguel comes by me. "Well this bad baby is mines." He says, wrapping his arm around me. I push him away. "Stop it Miguel, you already know we don't roll like that." I say. "Well okay guys me and Chas are just gonna head out, we'll see y'all at school." Alex says, pulling me towards her car. "My mama blowing my phone up, we gotta go anyways." Alex says pulling off. We arrive to my house. "Bye baby, I'm gonna miss you.. make sure you call me as soon as you get home." I say running up the stairs to my house. She pulls off & I walk inside. I walk upstairs and I find mama and her ex; Derek in my bed. "Mama what the hell ?!" I yell. She laughs & he laughs too handing her the crack pipe. I just go back downstairs, I don't got time for her tonight. I hear a knock at the door. "Myana ! I know you in there." Antwon says, banging at the door. I run to the door so I can protect my mama. I open the door. "Hey Antwon, my mama not here." I say. He pushes pass me, and barges into her room. "Where is she?" He says. "I don't know, she said she won't be back until later." I say, pushing him towards the door. "Chas who is that ?" Derek says from upstairs, coming towards the stairs. Antwon looks back. "Who the fuck is that ?" He says. "Derek get back in here." Mama says pulling him into the room. Antwon runs up the stairs, I follow behind him. My mama closes my door and locks it. He bangs on the door. "I knew you was a hoe, Myana. How could you do this to me. You crackhead ass bitch." Antwon says, continuing to bang on the door. "Just leave Bro, she mines for tonight. You can have her when I'm done." Derek says. I'm so lost on what's going on here, I knew mama was out here but I didn't know she was out here out here. But my mom did have me at 14 & I'm going on 18. So do the math. Yes, she's 34. That's pretty young, most of my friends moms are already in their 40's so that explains why mom acts like the girls at school. But she's like my bestfriend so I love her. Antwon continues to bang on the door, furiously. I can't deal with this tonight so I call Alex to see if I can stay the night there. "Girl, come on. My mama wouldn't care. You want me to pick you up ?" She asks. "Duh, I'm not about to walk." I say. She hangs up, which means she's on her way. So I start getting dressed and I wait outside. I hear all of them arguing but then it gets quiet. Mama figured out how to please them both. Smh. Alex finally pulls up. "So why you wanted me to pick you up ?" Alex asks, pulling off. "Because girl my mama & her mans was arguing and I ain't got time for that but then she started fucking them both." I say. Alex laughs. "Girl yo mama gets around." Alex says. Like she don't get around her damn self. "Alex stop, what about Terry and Justin." I say. "Those were flings Chas, I'm single so I'm as free as a bird. But that's besides the point. There's a party out west that's hot right now. We're going." Alex says. We stop at her house and change our clothes then sneak back out. We arrive at the party and all the freshmen's in college are here. I'm only a senior so I know this party is way out of my league. Alex as always goes to the drink table to get herself & I a Long Island iced tea. She brings mines back then runs to Josè, back from the park. I stand by the nearest wall away from everyone else and get on my phone, but I'm starting to feel this liquor. Man, my head is spinning and I just wanna dance. I go to the dance floor and start dancing. I see Miguel in the distance eyeballing me. He points at me then winks, licking his lips. He looks so good. Black suit pants with a black polo with the first button unbuttoned, exposing his chest a little. I face my butt in his direction and start shaking my ass. I feel him come up behind me. I push him back. He pulls me out the crowd to the side of the room. "Miguel just cause we caught eyes doesn't mean I'm approachable." I say, walking away. He grabs my arm. "Chas baby stop acting like that. Yo moms ain't mean nothing to me." Miguel says, feeling on my butt. "That's the point, she didn't mean anything to you and you still fucked her." I say running away from him. I can't find Alex anywhere and her car isn't outside. I look around. How could she leave me like this ? I check my purse, I have a extra $10 left and my mace just in case things get tough so I guess I'll just take the bus home. I leave the party and get on the bus. Alex texts me on the way home but I don't even wanna talk to her. When I get home I check mama's room and she's sound asleep, it's time for me to get some sleep too.