Win A Date With Spottedleaf

Episode One: Stormfur, Jake, Lionheart

A gray she-cat shuffled onto a lit stage, in front of where a silver tabby was holding a camera. "Start the camera, Breeze!" she ordered, waving her arms.

Breeze sighed. "Okay, Feathertail," she muttered. "Why am I doing this again?" she asked herself, starting the camera.

"Win a date, win a date, win a date with Spottedleaf!" Feathertail sang. "Look into her eeeeeeyes, see her pretty furrrrr! Win a date with....herrrrr!"

A fluffy she-cat padded dramatically onto the stage. "With your host, the great, the beautiful, the total not Mary-Sue-like DOVEWING!"

"Riiiight," Feathertail muttered. "Because you're OBVIOUSLY all of those things."

Dovewing glared at her.

"Anyway, welcome to the first episode of Win a Date With Spottedleaf!" Dovewing mewed.

The beautiful tortoiseshell danced into the stage, seating herself gracefully on a golden armchair shaped like a star.

"Today's victims—I mean, contestants—are Stormfur...." Dovewing began.

Stormfur waltzed in.

Feathertail's eyes widened at the sight of her brother. "If you win this contest, I'm gonna kill you!"

Stormfur shook his head. "No, you can't, because I'd already be dead because Brook would kill me first."

Dovewing payed no attention to their conversation and announced the next contestant. "Jake..."

Jake moonwalked through. "The ladies love me!" he mewed, ruffling his luxurious fur. "The men love me, too!"

Dovewing rolled her eyes. "Our next contestant is much more humble than Jake! Please welcome Lionheart!"

Lionheart padded in. "So very glad to be here. Thank you so very much. I am so very grateful."

"Uh-huh. Anyway, we'll pick a random member of the audience to keep score each episode. It must be a she-cat! Spottedleaf, if you'll pick. Randomly," Dovewing mewed.

Spottedleaf peered into the audience. She closed her eyes and waved her paw. She opened her eyes to see she was pointing at Tawnypelt. "Ooh, you look like me! Come on up!" Spottedleaf squealed. She sat back in her chair.

Tawnypelt sighed and went to the board where they kept score.

"First question: On a scale of one-to-ten, how pretty am I?" Spottedleaf gushed.

Lionheart peered at her. "You're very pretty. I'll give you an eight."

"An eight!?" Spottedleaf shouted. "I deserve better than an eight!"

Jake rolled his eyes. "You aren't half as pretty as me. Four."

"I give you a ten," Stormfur mewed.

Spottedleaf grinned. "One for Stormfur, Tawnypelt! And zero for Lionheart and Jake!"

Tawnypelt rolled her eyes and marked the board.

"Second question: Would you kill me if StarClan told you to?" Spottedleaf asked.

"Well, if StarClan wanted you dead, I suppose they'd have a good reason. I'd have to kill you," Lionheart sighed.

Spottedleaf let out a huff.

"I don't believe in StarClan, so no," Jake murmured. "But I'd kill you if you stole my fur."

Spottedleaf looked furious.

"I wouldn't," Stormfur mewed. "You're too nice."

Spottedleaf beamed. "One point to Stormfur!"

Tawnypelt muttered something about a waste of her time. "Stormfur has two points, and Lionheart and Jake still have none."

"Last question! This is for all the waffles!" Spottedleaf mewed. "Do you ship me with Firestar?"

Lionheart's eyes widened. "No! He's much better with Sandstorm."

Jake looked angry. "Oh, so you're hitting on my son?"

Spottedleaf rolled her eyes. "Duh. Despite the gross age difference."

Jake stormed off, yowling furiously.

"Well, Jake is disqualified," Spottedleaf muttered.

Stormfur glanced back at the ginger tom. "I guess you sorta go okay with Firestar," he mumbled.

Spottedleaf's eyes widened. "Another point to Stormfur! He wins!" She turned to the gray tom. "You get to take me to Tigerstar's Shack of Evil!"

Stormfur groaned. "Brook's gonna kill me!"