Cut Yourself Free

ECHO

Ever since Josh's attempted kidnapping, Max has been having dreams about him. In every single dream, she'd be watching him, either outside his room or inside. The same thing happens every single time. He'd come in and go to sleep, and she'd sneak over to the bed and lay down with him, observing his sleeping figure closely. She enjoyed how he looked, how vulnerable he was in that state. She'd have the urge to touch him all over, make him touch her all over. But her body never moved. Her desires and urges ate her up, making her crave his touch the moment she woke up.

Naturally, someone wouldn't act on those urges. But something was changing inside Max mentally. For once, she was finally starting to desire things sexually, a feeling she hadn't experienced since it happened. She hadn't even done anything with her new sex organ, but she decided that if she were, she'd want to do it with Josh.

But that wasn't all. Killing Pete had deeply affected her. On one hand, she felt relieved, happy even. Her mind barely pondered on the reality that she killed him out of anger. Instead, she celebrated his death in her mind, thinking of it as one less thing to deal with. Her, who believed herself to be incapable of killing anyone. Her past self would've never found this acceptable, yet present her did. And she didn't know why, nor did she care. She was happy, and that was all she wanted.

Max sighed deeply as she looked at her naked figure in the mirror, looking at the surgery scars. They were big, but they weren't a reddish-purple color. It was slowly starting to fade into her normal skin tone. She wondered if he'd know what the scars were for, or if he'd ask. It made her nervous, but she was thinking too far ahead. She didn't even know if Josh shared her feelings, and the thought of him rejecting her made her sick. But then another thought popped into her mind: if he didn't want her, then she'd force him to want her.

What?

...

No.

No, no, no.

No, don't think like that.

She cursed herself for the awful thought, having the urge to punch her mirror. What the hell are you turning into? She thought, glaring at her reflection. She couldn't believe she thought about that. It was horrid. What the hell kind of thought was that? She cared about Josh, and would respect whatever he thought about her. The way she was thinking, it was something Pete or Joseph would think... Had they affected her so deeply that she was beginning to replicate their behavior? 

No, that's ridiculous. I can't believe that...

I won't.

She sighed deeply, and the thought passed. She decided to get dressed for the day, putting on an off-the-shoulder striped top, leather skirt, fishnet tights and boots. She brushed her hair gently and stared at herself in the mirror again. She wondered if she's made the right choices in her life. If transitioning really was what she wanted.

She shook her head, dismissing the thought. It was what she wanted. She'd been wanting it ever since she was in middle school. She was living her best life as the gender she wanted to be.

She exited the bathroom and grabbed her satchel, looking around the apartment to see if she was missing anything. Snapping her fingers, she remembered that she needed to pick up her medication. She quickly went out of the apartment and texted Josh, knowing that he was gonna run out his own medication too.

Hey boss, do you want me to pick up your medication?<

>Yes.

>How did you know I needed more?

She paused for a moment, just realizing that he never told her that he even took medication. The only reason she knew was because she snooped around his work area a few times when he was gone and noticed that he left his pills. Although, there was one instance in which Wrench told her that he stole Josh's meds occasionally for recreational purposes.