Coffee Cups and Onion Rings || Brad Simpson (The Vamps) Fanfiction

a letter from Pops (bonus)

Dearest Kathy,

In case you don't know, by the time you read this letter, I have already passed away.

Who am I and why do you have to care, you ask? Well, my sunshine, I am your grandfather. Yes, the grandfather who left you at such a young age. But that's where you're wrong, Kathy. I watched you grow as an individual through your mom's stories and through your art, with five of them in my possession.

Yes, I know about you getting arrested for vandalizing private property. Your actions weren't right, but your heart is in the right place. While I know that your goal was good and noble, you and I both know that you are wise enough, but you tend to make the most impulsive yet impressive decisions. Hopefully, you can learn how to control your emotions more.

Don't tell anyone, but I'm so proud of you! You remind me of your father, who was, unfortunately, the main reason why I left. And, god, I can't forgive myself for leaving you just like that. The more I try to forget about the past, the more I remember it.

I don't know what it is with you, life. Maybe you're just a difficult puzzle to solve. Maybe you're just complicating yourself so you can show me how imperfect I am, but, at the same time, you're also showing me how I'm not worth of the things I have.

Why can't I just be perfect? Why can't I be someone of worth? Maybe that could repair my relationship with your dad, Kathy. I'm willing to forgive as long as I love them...even though they can't do the same. That's what I wasn't able to do with your dad, Kathy, but I love you too much to blame you for his death, which isn't even your fault at all.

After I put myself in your shoes, I realized that maybe that's what my actions toward you have been implying, and for that, I apologize. I can't just choose who I love. My heart chose to love you willingly, no matter what, and I even planned to stay with you when your father passed away.

But that's what I wasn't able to do, because I know that you are unhappy with me leaving you alone when you were still young. I can't deal with the sight of you being unhappy, sunshine. My happiness usually comes from helping other people; I don't want anyone to feel as sad as me.

Yes, I may be a sad, old man because I regret leaving you, but I'm not afraid to admit that it's true. Learning from the mistakes of the past doesn't make me free from it. And that keeps me from being happy, Kathy. Even after I've learned my lesson from my mistake, I can't let go of the emotions that I associated with it.

I just wish that there is someone out there who understands me.

And I have a hopeful chance that it's you, Kathy, who can. As an artist, you know how important it is to stay true to your own art. My ability to express my emotions through art is the only thing I'll forever be proud of and grateful for.

Imagine if sadness didn't exist. I wouldn't have sad melodies to play when I'm alone at night. And, yes, I still play the piano, Kathy, especially after your father passed and I discovered that you have discovered a deep hatred for the instrument. But I can't blame you because, if anything, I feel the same way as you. The past is the past, but I don't want to let go...not yet, at least.

I know that you are still hurting, Kathy, and that's understandable. I can't keep all of this weight on my shoulders. But that's okay. Life really does get hard sometimes, and it's okay to fall, but you have to get back up, no matter what. I believe that you can do it, Kathy, even if it will take a long time. I always stand up for what I believe in.

Believe it or not, I am still hurting since the day I left you. Trust is a fragile thing. I don't expect you to forgive me after I've broken your trust. What is harder: to forgive or to forget?

I don't know the answer to that question. And, based on all the things your mom told me, you're still trying to figure that out for yourself. How can two people be so different yet so similar at the same time?

I miss you so, so much, Kathy. You're my home. That was, until I found a new one here. It's not the same as the close bond we shared until I left, but living a quiet life with a golden retriever feels like home. Maybe all I really needed was love.

Tomorrow isn't promised. Alas, my days are counted, and I have no time to regret. My heart is filled with so much hate, and I keep battling with the demons inside my mind. How do I love someone I can't trust?

There's this demon in my head that I can't easily get rid of, because it also keeps me happy by looking at everything I have so far and realizing that I should be satisfied. If it were alive, these would be the only thing I would say to it: You were my cigarette; I breathed you in for joy as you slowly killed me.

I hate living like this, and I've heard that you hate living like that, too. That's why I agreed to take you in for the summer. We need each other.

So, in case you feel the same way as I do, that's okay. But don't let that feeling drag you on the ground, Kathy. You're someone who deserves nothing but love. Love yourself for everything; learn from your mistakes and excel in the things you love best. Love is something you accept with everything you can. Love is the glue that stuck us together.

Never take last good days for granted. No one knows when they die, Noah, so I advice you to live life as much as you can. Forget about the past, but keep the lessons inside your heart. Life is like a roller coaster, they say, so, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Things come to an end. And I'm sorry that I can't be with you, Noah. But, hopefully, I've been able to help you grow up to be a better person.