Coveted Love (Lams Royal AU)

The Long Haul

A/N - Um...So it's almost 1 a.m. and I have school tomorrow. Also I don't really believe in trigger warnings but just beware of this chapter there are dark themes.

Alexander's POV

   "So...are you two like a thing now or-" I started before Kitty flicked my forehead and I whined dramatically. I now sat in a baggy t-shirt and short shorts while Kitty dried me wet hair. 
   "I asked him out for coffee tomorrow morning." She hummed, there was a knock on the door and I jumped up. I threw it open and John swept me off my feet, into a kiss. I giggled and he spun me around. We pulled away and I closed the door. 
   "Why don't you take a shower, Jack?" I asked.
   "Yeah. Oh! Kitty! Francis is looking forward to tomorrow." Kitty blushed and smiled.
   "Wonderful. I'm gonna let you two be." She smiled, hugging me goodnight and leaving the room. John went to take a shower and busied myself with playing with Kiki. John came out and gunned it for his duffle bag. I frowned as he desperately tried to find his clothes and stood up, taking Kiki with me. 
   "John, I'm sure whatever it is isn't so bad." I hummed, he didn't say anything so I let Kiki down and grabbed his shoulder. He huffed and slowly turned to face me. I blushed profusely. His soaking blonde hair dripped on his shoulders and he was holding his towel loosely around his waist. He looked away as I noticed the roughly six inch scar on his chest and gently traced it. I cupped John's cheeks and kissed him slowly. He looked down sadly and I lifted my shirt. John's eyes widened at the long scar on my chest and I smiled. "We all have scars, John. They make us unique and beautiful in our own ways." John's eyes watered a bit and I kissed him gently. 
   "I love you, Alexander." His sniffed, his voice quivering as I put my hand on his chest and traced the scar slowly. 
   "You're very handsome, John." He managed a smile and kissed me slowly. 
   "You're so beautiful." He gushed, I giggled and hugged him. "I'm gonna get dressed now." He wiped his eyes and grabbed his clothes. 
   "Ok." John disappeared into the bathroom and I crawled into the bed with Kiki. John came out a couple minutes later wearing basketball shorts and no shirt. I smiled and sat up. I'm glad he's comfortable in his own skin. I think he's cute and sexy no matter what and if he's comfy in his own skin then bonus points. He crawled into the bed with me and I grinned. He kissed my forehead and pet Kiki gently. I pushed John into the pillows and laid on his chest. I calmly listened the his heart beat as he ran his fingers through my hair. I was almost asleep when John gently shook me and I rubbed my eyes. "What?"
   "I wanna talk to you about something and I don't think you're gonna like it." I frowned and sat up.
   "What?" 
   "It's about what happened with Eliza...When you stopped talking." I shifted and John sighed. "Why did you stop talking? I know she hurt you but-..."
   "I-...When I'm with you I feel like-...I feel like everything has finally gotten to a point where I can be happy again and Eliza took that away. I felt like everything was crashing down around me again. I mean I lost my dad and my mom and my brother and then I felt like everything was ok and I lost you too. I just...I was scared, John. I-..." I paused. Did I really want John to know about this? 
   "What aren't you telling me, baby." He asked gently, taking me into his arms comfortingly. 
   "After a year of being clean I-...I seriously considered committing." I rushed out, pausing in slight fear at what John might say. 
   "Committing...suicide?" I nodded slowly and John squeezed me tightly. I burrowed into him and sniffed. 
   "I'm s-sorry." I sniffed, trying to keep myself under control. "I just got so scared and I didn't wanna even think about it. I didn't know how to handle it and I just shut myself down, hoping it would go away." I cried, John kissed my head and I took a deep breath. 
   "Did it go away?" 
   "N-Not really." I sniffed. "I-It's still there a little."
   "Oh, Alex." John huffed, rubbing my back. "I'm here now. I love you and I'm never going to leave you." He cooed, I cried into his bare shoulder and he held me tightly. "Thank you for being honest." He kissed me softly and I sniffed. 
   "I'm sorry. I won't do it. I promise. I won't." I wailed.
   "Ok, ok." 
   "I like my life. I like being with you. I'm not gonna do it." 
   "I believe you, Alex. Let's just get some rest. Ok?" 
   "Ok..." I sniffed as John gently laid me down and pulled the blankets over us. I burrowed into him and closed my eyes.
   "Goodnight, baby."
   "Night, Jacky."

   I squinted in the morning life and felt the rise and fall of John's chest. I smiled and cupped his cheek, pressing a kiss on his lips. He stirred and pulled me closer to him. "G' mornin', baby." His gruff southern accent drawled, I giggled quietly and smiled. 
   "Morning." I hummed, Kiki pounced on me and settled in the small space between us. I pet my cat and John shifted, resting his hand on Kiki's neck. "Someone's tired." 
   "I couldn't stop thinking about what you said last night." He sighed, I shifted and he kissed my head. "I love you, baby." 
   "I love you too, Jack. I'm ok." I smiled.
   "I was just thinking about how I wasn't there for you."
   "It wasn't your fault, John. Can we please just stop talking about it?" 
   "Lex, I'm not gonna just drop it. This is important to me. You are important to me. I can't loose you, baby. Can you promise me that you'll talk to me when you're upset. I wanna help you." 
   "Ok...Ok. I promise." I smiled, pecking John on the lips. He smiled and caressed my cheek. 
   "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Alex." 
   "You won't loose me, Jack." I smiled. "I'm here for the long haul." 

A/N - For anyone who needs to hear this. You're fucking valid and people love you. Goodnight.