spencer reid one shots

(a) more

ever since the moment he stepped back into the bullpen you knew it was too early.

even if it wasn't written all over spencer's features you knew that he shouldn't be back after only two weeks of leave.

two weeks?

"for god's sake he was kidnapped, hotch," you practically yelled at your unit chief while struggling not to pull your hair out.

"it's not my call, y/n, the brass decides." hotch seems completely nonchalant which only attempts to piss you off even more.

"he was the victim of a serial killer! and you're just going to let him walk back into this job?" you scoff, "you're going to have to do better than that."

"y/l/n drop it," he says sternly.

you look taken aback and cross your arms sternly, effectively shielding yourself from your boss and noticing the guilt in his eyes.

you know he blames himself.

the entire team does.

gideon barely talks, not like he did very much before, but it's still lessened.

morgan has become five times more protective of everyone on the team.

hotch has been stern, more than usual, keen on everyone following orders exactly when they're in the field.

emily won't go anywhere without backup, even if she doesn't need it.

and you and everyone else know jj blames herself the most.

"if i notice anything in the field or otherwise i will handle it, but i need your head in the job. can you do that?" hotch asks.

you were angry.

furious at hotch and the rest of the team.

even jj who you tried not to blame, but your mind would never stop racing.

you were furious at yourself.

constantly thinking you had let everyone down, or you could have done more. that was your specialty.

you nodded briskly and walked quickly to your desk that sat across from spencer's.

you sat down with a huff, not even noticing that he was sat across from you, wearing a shirt and two cardigans, one much thicker than the other and his hair was ever slightly falling in his face.

there was a scarf on his desk, one that matched the one on yours.

one of the office holiday parties had led to the both of you drawing each other's names and buying the other the same gift.

now it was the only scarf you wore.

when you saw his eyes, your mouth couldn't move as fast your mind.

"hi, hey, hi, oh my god," you whispered which made his lips turn up into a smile.

"hello," he waved and you grinned. "are you doing alright?"

"oh my god, spence, i'm fine," you completely shrugged it off.

he looked at you with a look that told that he knew.

"really," you assured, "do you want to talk about how you are?"

right as he was about to answer derek walked up, "there he is! i missed you pretty ricky!" he ruffled spencer's hair fondly which made spencer smile.

it was a wonderful thing to see.

he stood to give derek and emily short hugs where they said things along the lines of, "welcome back," and "we missed you so much. you and your big brain."