Memories and Dreams (Mclennon)

I can't see myself as a gay

John's Pov:

Whatever I'm gonna do? I stood up and i cleaned myself up. I feel very stressed and my mood literally said 📉 (sorry i had to)
I sat on my bed and tried to calm down. Nothing is helping and i feel horrible.
Is it because of Paul? Maybe.
I sighed and tried falling asleep.

Paul's Pov:
Phew okay I'm not gonna do more posters I'm tired. I'll just write in my JOURNAL.

Hi another day again. I just finished my last poster and my hand is about to fall off.
But I'll still write though. Today in the morning, i saw a cat on the street. I walked out and i cuddled her! She was so soft. Oh! She's here again! I'll ask my dad if i can let her in.

Okay I'm here. Dad said we can let her in if she'll appear in front of our house a few more times. Because that means she likes us or something like that. I'm sure she will appear.
Tomorrow is school again, I'm kinda exited!
Paul

I closed my JOURNAL and put it in my drawer. Today i will hangout with George so i got ready and walked out on the street.
Of course, the kitty was still there.
,,Oh a few cuddles won't hurt" i said to the cat and cuddled her.

She's sooooo fluffy! But i better get going.
As i was walking, i walked past John's house.
Hm i wonder if he's home... Maybe he will want to hangout with us!
I went to the window of his room and looked in.
I saw him sitting on the bed, devasted.
I knew i had to help him. I knocked on the door and John obviously didn't answer.
Well i need to find another way to get in.
I mean... He's got a cat and therefore, maybe he's got a kitty door. Maybe I'm small enough to fit in.
And yes. He's got one in his backdoor but i need to get into the garden. It wasn't that hard i just climbed over the fence and bam! I'm in his garden. The kitty door seems kinda big... So i layed on the ground and crawled trough. My butt got kinda stuck but i made my way in.

Ok so I'm in the house. Good. I don't know this house so i will have to take my chance and knock on the right door. I only have one chance because he may hear me knock on the wrong door and i wouldn't look like a clown, I would look like the whole circus.

I came up with an idea. I will look through the key hole.
I was trying to be as quiet as possible. I looked through one and saw the room i saw in the window.
So i knocked. Still knocking. Knock knock knocking on John's door (get it?)
Finally i hear a tired: ,,come in"
And i opened the door.
,,Hello John" i smiled.
,,What?! How the fuck you got here?! Mimi is not home! Who let you in??!" He freaked out.
,,.... let's say i have my ways..." I said thinking about me and the cat door.
,,You seem like you could use some help" i said.
,,Well yes, but actually no" he said, not looking at me.
I sat down beside him and looked at him.
,,But i'm here anyway" i smiled.
He seems off. He's all sweaty and blushing not making eye contact.
,,You okay?" I asked.
,,Yeah... excuse me i will go take shower... It's a good place to just clear your h-head" he said quickly standing up and going to the bathroom.
I looked around in his room wonderingly.
"He's got himself a pretty room huh"

John's POV

"Noooooo why he came here? Argh and why is he looking at me like that!"
My heart is racing, and all those weird things are happening again ughh.
I turned on the shower and the water splashed me right in the eyes.
,,Ow!" I screamed and rubbed them. ,,Shit"
Paul probably heard that.
I washed myself, and got out the shower.
Paul was still sitting on the bed.
I'm starting to panic again...i need to get things straight. Okay i might like him....
I mean i... I know i love him. But i can't be gay... I don't want to be gay. I can't see myself as a gay! I like Paul tho.. but he doesn't love me anymore anyway...

We just talked, and then George came to my house too.
We hung out and we had a good time.
I'm glad i have them. But how am i gonna tell Paul now? He will just laugh at me! He moved on! He probably has someone already...

Lenny 23.10.2020
(798 words)