A Confession

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I'm sorry.
My phone pinged the second I slipped into the car, Lilac stoically entering the pick-up on the other side. I shot her a quizzical glance and returned the text.
For what?
Lilac shook her head as her dad in the front seat cheerfully turned the car on, blasting heat. I pressed my palm against the freezing window and shivered even as I sensed that this would be a long drive.
You'll see.
"...And so I bought the colt. He was expensive, and rather small- the larger ones may have lameness issues, but the smaller ones have no leg to run with- but he proved worth it. I couldn't pass the opportunity up, he was one of the later of Sunday Silence's crops, and I've always wanted that horse's blood in my stables. '89 winner, that horse. Derby, I mean. Anna. Right? Anyhow, so I crossed that one with a War Admiral mare and..."
Lilac's father had been going on like that for the entire drive. I sighed, fogging the window, and traced "fml" into the fog. Lilac rolled her eyes and fogged up her window, too, hastily tracing "happy birthday to me" in it.
"Happy birthday, my sweetest daughter!" Her father had exclaimed earlier that day, right after school. I'd brought my luggage for Aqueduct with me the day before, so we were all set to leave after the bell rang. I'd already given Lilac her present, a small stuffed giraffe with a white bow tied around its neck. Ned had given her a present as well, a kiss and a necklace with a small golden charm he said was a lilac but I suspected to be a lily. But her dad had flown in from Europe just that afternoon, while we were in school.
Lilac sighed again. "A cupcake? Really?" appeared on her window.
I shook my head. That had been her father's grand present to her. A cupcake. And then he'd launched into his three hour long lecture on his breeding program, with Derek nodding along in the passenger seat.
I was beginning to understand why she didn't like talking about her father.
The sky was dark by the time we pulled into the shoddy motel we'd be staying in. I eyed the little sliver of building we could see in the headlights, not impressed. Lilac sighed again as we pushed out of the car, her breath fogging up the clear sky. "What a classy establishment you've selected for our stay."
Derek rolled his eyes. "We got a room too late."
"But do you have a good room for the Withers?"
"Of course!" Her dad responded. "I hired the rooms at the same time, but the three week difference was startling."
"Withers?" I got out of the car, inhaling sharply. After hours in the heated car, I'd stripped off my jacket and remained only in a long-sleeve shirt. Now it was freezing in the few hours Norther we'd gone, so I grabbed my jacket and slipped it back on, shivering.
"Derby prep. Jersey Boy is running on the seventh."
It was the fourteenth of January. "You mean February?"
"Mmmm." Lilac and Derek were pulling luggage out of the bed of the truck. Their father had disappeared to who knows where. I grabbed my suitcase and nearly dropped it- frost had formed. "It's freezing!"
"It's New York."
"We usually keep our horses on the farm and ship them to their races a week before. Most trainers like to keep them there a month or so before, but it's harder to get pasture at a track, and at Piperson, we believe that our horses' successes are due to the ample amount of pasture time we give them."
Lilac snorted. "Honestly, Derek, nobody cares." She slammed her luggage to the ground just as her father appeared, looking vaguely annoyed. The trip hadn't been nice to anyone's nerves.
"You're in room 113," he said, handing me a card. "With Lilac. Derek, we're 118."
"Fantastic. Come on, Anna." Lilac commanded, storming off towards the room. I wasn't sure why. I had the key.
"Sorry about her," Derek apologized. I stared at him. He wasn't my favorite person- something about him was condescending. Speaking to him left a funny taste in my mouth. "She doesn't like road trips."
Well, who does?
*****
"Shamrock's running at eleven. Holiday later on in the day, around three. Pirate and Expo are tomorrow. There's an equine chiro coming for Jersey Boy later- honestly, Dad treats that horse better than anyone else- and Bloodless Day is probably scheduled to kill someone between four and five this afternoon."
"Haha." I said, too busy checking out the track to really contemplate Lilac's black mood. She seemed absolutely determined to be as angry as possible.
"That wasn't a joke."
The track was lazy, slowly stirring in the reddish morning mist. As the sun rose, it cast down a golden glow upon the actual track, and highlighted the shedrows with an expert finger, waking the horses to start demanding their breakfast. Everything was gorgeous, gilded. I wondered how the horses would settle in. I wondered if I would find time to sneak Bloodless Day his daily bribe.
Lilac slammed on the brakes of the golf cart we were riding. I flew forwards and came face-to-face with a cat that hissed venemously as Lilac swore back. Eventually the cat moved on and the golf cart jolted into motion again.
"You know, you shouldn't let your dad get to you so much. It's not worth it- look how stressed you are!"
"Says you."
"What do you mean?"
"You let something that happened months- maybe years ago- bug you. I don't think you realize this, but you're incredibly easy to read. Even the smallest comment sets you into this sort of mourning attitude. Who'd you lose? Your grandmother? Boyfriend?"
I was startled by her perceptiveness. And also by my apparently clearly read emotions. "I don't like to talk about it." I said quietly, silently correcting her. It hadn't been months, or years. Only days ago. 434. A lump formed in my throat.
"See! And I don't like to talk about it either."
We drove for a moment, Lilac searching for Piperson Farm's shedrow, and me searching for my island of calm in my sea of sorrow. It was lost, swamped under a tidal wave.
Lilac glanced at me just as a drop of salt water escaped the sea in the form of a tear. She stopped the cart. "Hey." She said, voice suddenly soft. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
"I just- I don't want to make an excuse, but I do have a reason. I'm not even really mad at my dad. I'm just mad at what he did. My mom- my mom was- is- a really good horse trainer." I felt a flash of guilt. I'd never even thought about Lilac's apparent lack of mother. "And Dad married her, right? But he never did loving husband things. All he talked about was the horses, the training. She had Derek, and then me, and then it got too stressful for her. So she left."
"Lilac, I'm so-"
"Don't. It's happened. And I usually don't care. But she's here today, with her new husband and her new daughter."
Ouch. Something about the pain in Lilac's voice touched me, helped. I wasn't the only one suffering, though it was a different sort of suffering. "Hey, you have a younger sister? I've always wanted one."
"She's only a year younger than me. Mom was apparently having an affair with the trainer two years before I was born anyways. So I don't even know if I'm actually my dad's. Not that it makes a difference, she didn't want me either way." She wasn't crying at all, but looked dangerously close to it. I felt dangerously close to an all-out tears fest as well.
"I think you're your dad's." I said, because this seemed to hurt her the most, judging from the white knuckles that gripped the golf cart's wheel. "You're too stubborn to be anyone else's."
A bubbling laugh escaped my friend. "Thanks, Anna. Okay. Let's go to the shedrow."
"Well, let's find it first." I said, looking around. A few grooms were already in motion around the backside of the track, studiously ignoring the two hysterical teenage girls in the stationary golf cart.
"I already found it." Lilac half-smiled. "But I saw my sister walking near it and wanted to avoid her."
"You don't like her?" I asked curiously as the golf cart turned and whizzed off, towards the shedrow.
Lilac shook her head, rubbing an eye with her fist. "No. She has a superiority complex, because Mom chose her and not me or Derek. I can't- I can't."
I was speechless.
Something about the shedrow was oddly grounding when we reached it. Nearly instantly another woman was reaching for the golf cart before we even ducked out, and drove away in it before a word was exchanged, taking the baggage of that talk with her. "That's Marcy. She's the trainer at the track- Willifred reckons he's too old to leave the farm for any race that isn't in the Triple Crown."
"The what?"
Lilac shook her head. "I forget how much you don't know. Let's go say hi to the horses."
As we walked towards the inside of the barn, all horses quietly inside of their stalls, a long, handsome head suddenly shot out over the stall door, nickering. I caught a glimpse of dark eyes and a long, tangled forelock before the horse's ears flattened and he sullenly withdrew his head.
Lilac stopped. "Did- did Bloodless Day just nicker at you?"
"I don't think he meant to." I said, half-laughing despite my heart break. Maybe because of it, because of this ridiculously evil horse nickering at me even as the sweetest of memories killed me with every day I woke. "Hey, BD." I stepped up to the stall and looked in, noting how dark it was, how only some shadows shifted as he swung his head to study me suspiciously. "Have a nice day."
I tossed a carrot into the stall and backed away, Lilac ogling at me. "Have you been bribing him?"
"Maybe." I admitted sheepishly.
She shook her head again, pausing in annoyance as her hair bounced against her shoulders. Sweeping it into a ponytail, she muttered, "I should've known. But I didn't. You're sneaky."
Trying not to feel too pleased with myself, I shrugged. "Let's get the racehorses ready for their big day."
*****
"The flowers were a nice touch." Lilac commented as we took our place by the rail, directly across from the finish line. The horses were being jogged out to their post, and though Lilac was casually leaning against the rail, I was a wreck. Not only was this my first horse race, one of my favorite horses was running in it!
"Thanks." I said, trying to sound casual as well. Shamrock paraded by just then, led by a small pinto pony horse. Her coat gleamed and her muscles rippled underneath, strong, sinewy legs barely touching the ground as she arched her strong, glistening chestnut neck, chewing softly at the bit. Having had extra time to get her ready, I'd done up her mane in what was called a button braid and wove some flowery weeds into them. She was the picture of power and perfection. As though sensing what I was thinking about her, she swung her head to study me and Lilac, letting out a low whinny before parading forwards. The gate was up and on the other side of the track, and they had a bit of a warmup to go through before entering.
"Oh, the flower horse. I should've known it was one of yours."
I jumped at the new voice as a girl about Lilac and I's age slipped onto the railing, looking ruggedly bored. Her hair, a soft cocoa color, was smooth and tossed over her shoulder, a baseball cap perched on her head. She wore a dark navy shirt spotted with little gold stars around the middle. Something about her voice annoyed me. I scowled as Lilac snapped, "Hello, Wes."
The girl turned her head to study my friend with a bored expression. I couldn't help but notice their facial similarities- same, angled eyebrows, light blue eyes with a knowing gleam in them, and mouth that pushed at questions. Somehow, on this girl, though, they looked condescending, even mean.
"New groom? You can't do your own dirty work?" Wes asked.
"This is Anna." Lilac said stiffly. "Anna, Wes. Wes, Anna. Wes is my sister."
"I figured as much." I said, biting my tongue.
Wes raised an eyebrow at me. "You look familiar. Have I seen you before?"
"You shouldn't have." I muttered, looking away and towards the gate. The horses were beginning to load. A strappingly large black colt was fighting at the second gate, a bay already in the first. Shamrock had pulled seven, a lucky number. I hoped.
"But I have. I know it. How long have you been around horses for? Maybe I've seen you at another track."
"Go away, Wes." Lilac said, but her voice handled the command more like a plea.
Wes raised an eyebrow. "What? I thought you were insecure enough about Mommy going away, why would you want me to go away as well?"
I bristled. No one spoke to my friends like that. "Don't you have something better to do? Like-"
"Jump off a bridge? Die in a hole? I've heard it all before."
Somehow, somewhere, someone else had to be friends with this girl. She didn't deserve to have the pain of losing her, and this was the only thing keeping me from spitting curses at her.
"I just came over to say that there's a party at the Marlini's house tonight if you want to go. Should be interesting- teenagers are going to be there. From around here. I just thought you might like to actually interact with some, since you're usually so busy with the horses. Toodleloo."
With that, Wes departed.
I looked at Lilac. "Was she serious?"
"Of course."
"We're not going though."
"Of course we are. Look! Straight to the lead."
And then I couldn't think about the party because I was too busy watching the race.
Shamrock had indeed leaped straight to the front. Lilac and I watched eagerly as she surged forwards. The rest of the field trailed behind her, but the massive black colt battled for the lead. They slowly overtook each other as my excitement grew. "Come on Shamrock!"
"They set too fast a pace." Lilac murmured. "She's going to fade. And Trendsetter usually likes to stay just off the leaders and overcome them on the backstretch..."
Just them they came around the corner, flying darkness and light, pounding down the homestretch. Another horse, smaller and muddy, ran close behind, but I paid him no attention. "Go Shamrock go! Lilac, she's going to do it! Come on!" Excitement coursed through me, possessive and overwhelming, as I cheered. They were so close to the finish line!
And then, in a spurt of speed, the small muddy horse poured it on and came flying in front of them, flashing across the finish line. Half a second later Shamrock crossed, the black colt- Trendsetter- at her shoulder.
My jaw dropped. "Where'd he come from?"
Lilac shook her head. "Just off the pace. But Shamrock ran a damned good race. Let's go to her."
So the small, muddy colt pranced into the winner's circle as we walked out onto the track to attend to Shamrock.
She was breathing heavily, her coat was dark with sweat, and the flowers had mostly fallen out, but she greeted us with a toss of her head as her jockey dismounted.
"Jack! She did so well!" Lilac exclaimed. The jockey removed his helmet and indeed, it was Jack. He grinned at us, passing the reins over to me. I let Shamrock rub her face against my shirt as he talked.
"I've never had her run so well! She absolutely flew- I thought I might lose my bug. But, alas." He sighed.
"Bug?"
Lilac explained, "Apprentice jockeys. You have to win a certain amount of races, and then you go on to lose it- it's a weight concession, really."
"I'm confused." I said.
Jack gestured for us to start walking, so we did. Shamrock tugged lightly at the reins but was polite enough as we exited the track. "So far I've won four races. Because I have less than five, I get a weight concession for my horse, no? Less weight means a faster horse. So once I win five races, I have a year of racing before the horses I ride have to carry the full 126 pounds."
"That somewhat makes sense." I admitted. "How long have you been racing for?"
"This is my first year. I've been riding for over a decade, but we're not allowed to ride in races until we're sixteen."
"Or eighteen because their father won't let them run." Lilac grumbled.
"So you're seventeen?" I asked.
"Seventeen this June." Jack admitted.
"What day?"
"The sixth."
"That's my birthday!" I said. "I'm seventeen then as well."
"We'll have to throw a celebration." Lilac said. "Speaking of which, there's a party at Marlini's tonight. You in?"
"Sure thing! I'll pick you guys up after your father goes off to sleep."
"You know me so well." Lilac laughed.
"I'll see you two around." Jack promised. "I have a ride on one of Mac's fillies before Holly's race, though. Later!"
With that, he raced off, leaving us with Shamrock.
Lilac shook her head. "Let's get this girl hosed down."
****
*pretends to do work in school*
I pretty much typed this up during school and dang Lilac I did not know you were carrying that much baggage.
Really is going to be important later on in the plot though, ahaha. Oops.
~Iggy

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