Hamdi The Killer - Dedicated to greengrocers, meteors, nebulas and flies.

How to Be a Killer

  First of all, I want to tell why and how did I became a killer.
There is a day, a special day which only comes once a year. That’s right, that day is every day. One of those every days, was my birthday. It was laying among the other days. My birthday looks to me like it wants to hang itself. That’s why I never look back at him. Once I tried the cut the 27th of February out of calendar, but then I remembered everything in my home is digital. So, I tried to delete the 27th of February from my smartphone but doesn’t matter how smart a cellphone is, it’s never smart enough and will never be. That’s why, to also protect our old values, I bought a paper 2015 calendar. While I was there, I wanted to buy a 2016 but the salesman said they ran out. I think he was mocking me, because I don’t think anyone will pay for a calendar these days, except for me, of course. I actually wanted to wait to buy it after the close of the winter season when it’s cheaper than ever. I don’t think things go wrong in my life because I’m a killer. These things were always there but they started to make sense once I became a killer.

  I don’t really care about the day I was born. I am not that kind of person. And I wouldn’t want to change myself either, but seeing and upgraded version of myself would be a great experience.
I guess I should care, but I am not the kind of guy who cares about things just because other people did. Call me crazy, but I am okay with it. I understand nothing is important.

  This birthday was different than the others. It was a milestone. The first digit of my age would be rolling over. That’s right, I was leaving behind my teens, entering a new age. An age of disappointment. My twenties.

    I know I wasn’t going to get a lot of presents because nobody on Facebook can see my birthday. This actually amuses me. Weird things amuses me, like death, people, and animals.

    Even though I tried to hide it, one of my friends didn’t forget about me. Not because we are good friends, just because I didn’t forget about him at his birthday. Luckily that guy never forgets.

    He didn’t show up with a big present. No, nothing like that. You may be wondering how is this relevant to my career? It’s like people who drink water with the same glass they just drank cola from. Why would anyone want to drink water and cola combined? I am not going to compare cola and water but am certain that they should not be combined. I’m so sure, I’d bet my rent check on it, and that’s a lot of money.

  Maybe you don’t think this present is the perfect present for…anyone in fact. Yet even though I would have a chance to change the present, I won’t. Instead, I would just make sure my friend was never born.  While I was at it, I would beat the kids who stole my Pokémon Tazos. That’s right, kids. Did I mention that I used to know some fine thieves back in my childhood? It makes me sick. Maybe that is the reason I ended up like this. No, if that’s true I would have ended up master thief, or at least an amateur one. It doesn’t matter to me as long as I am not caught. After all, life is not a Hollywood action movie. Clearly, it’s a Bollywood comedy. 

  I didn’t tell you what the present was yet. Get ready for it.

  It was money. Well, technically money. Well, technically every present is money, but this one was really money. Well, it wasn’t real money. I don’t know how to tell you this. I can’t only tell things while I am speaking. My plan is the greatest, but only in my mind.

  Okay, he gave me Bitcoins. This was about five years ago, at a time when Bitcoins were anew thing. It’s still new to a lot of people now, though. If you are one of them, let me explain it to you. Bitcoin is a digital currency. There are a lot of websites that you can make purchase with Bitcoin. Also you can convert it into real money. That option wasn’t really an option when I first discovered Bitcoin. In those days, one Bitcoin could be sold for$200-350. That could always change, of course. One does not know what future holds.