Persphyni : I am Dangerous

38

"Bellamy?" I spoke after minutes of silence. The two of us had moved from sitting on the bed to laying and staring up at the ceiling.

"Yes?"

"You remember when we said we were going to discuss things once we got out?" Bellamy shifted to face me making me do the same.

"I do. But which occasion were you referring to?" All of them.

"Finn. You had paused when Jasper said his name, what happened?" I watched him sigh and slowly close his eyes, as if it was too hard to remember.

"If you need tim-" I started but his eyes flashing open cut me off.

"No, I can do this, I was just trying to figure out how to tell you." I remained silent only moving to a seated position my hands in my lap waiting for him.

"Okay." He breathed, turning onto his back and putting a hand through his hair. My eyes following it as his curls bounced back into place. "Where do I begin?"

"After the rockets. I want to know everything."

_______•*•*•*•_______

"You're telling me, that Jaha managed to live and Murphy went with the crazy man?" Bellamy rolled his eyes but nodded his head as I continued to pace the room, completely going against doctor's orders. My eyes could have watered five times now, but I wouldn't let them. Once for Finn, twice for Raven, a fourth for Bellamy and Octavia reuniting, and a fifth for Lincoln.

"Out of all of that, that's the first thing you confirm?" I stopped mid-stride and sent him a playful glare.

"Would you rather me confirm how idiotic you were in going into the mountain?"

"I'd rather we talk about what happened in the mountain." My playfulness descended as I watch Bellamy become somewhat vulnerable. And I knew why, but I wasn't ready to discuss that. I could barely understand my own feelings, let alone try to open myself to someone else after eighteen years of obsidian walls.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you see how bad the cut was, I thought we already talked about it." Bellamy stood up, his face suddenly serious, yet slightly hopeful.

"Not that."

"I also thought we already talked about me diving into the room and getting trapped, then succeeding in getting level fiv-"

"Not that either." He breathed and suddenly I realized how close we were to each other. Not that we hadn't been close before, but things were different right now. Right in this moment.

"Then I'm afraid I don't know what you're referring to." My eyes flashed to the door as a way to escape when Bellamy took a step back. My body language showed relief as my shoulders sagged inwards. He had said to forget it, pretend he never said it, so why is he trying to bring it back up.

"I'll let you think on it, get some sleep, Roomie." Yep, we were definitely thinking the same thing although not aloud. His back turning away from me as a small smile decorated his face. Just as he was about to grab the handle I stopped him. Though I wasn't sure why.

"Bellamy." His hand fell from the knob and he turned to face me, his eyes hopeful and I completed regretted my decision.

"Uh, um." Damnit. I cleared my thoughts before randomly picking one. "How is uh, everyone else doing?" I saw his shoulders deflate and I wanted to punch myself.

"They're uh, moving in. Tomorrow I can walk you around to everyone." I smiled sadly, at my own cowardice.

"Yeah, I'd like that. You know with the whole restriction thing I might have to get you to carry me this time around." He let out a small laugh though his eyes showed it wasn't genuine.

"Sure, then I can actually tell you how heavy you are." This time he did laugh as I threw a book at him, purposely missing.

"You had all your weight on me, I had the right to complain. Plus I caught you before you could fall to the ground for the second time within two weeks."

"I guess you could say I was falling for you." I nearly choked but covered it with a cough. Though Bellamy's smirk pissed me off. Suddenly reminding me of something.

"Bellamy," he turned from the doorway once again, "did you really say you'd tie me to the bed in front of my father?" This time his smirk faded and his face grew a bit pink.

"I, uh. Yeah, I guess I did." I smacked my head as he finally realized what he had said and done. "Oh shit."

"Yeah, oh shit is right. I'd start conditioning now. Cause guard training whenever it starts isn't going to be pretty for you."

_______•*•*•*•_______

I spent the next three days cooperating and following Abby's instructions. Though there was multiple times I wanted to send a fist into Bellamy when he mocked me for my restrictions.

I had made it around to Raven and the remaining hundred, minus Jasper who has been locked in a room and my destination now.

The door was small as I reached the end of the hallway and stared at the metal, where the number Monty had given me was in large bold paint looking right at me.

I went to knock but decided against it, with a slight limp I set my hands on the door and put an ear to the cold metal. Listening into the room, I focused on the small haggard breathing and slight sniffle.

"I wasn't fast enough. I'm sorry Maya." I faintly heard Jasper voice whisper through tears as his breathing was uneven and spaced with sniffles.

I continued to lean into the door, my heart hurting as Jasper continued to breakdown.

Only when things got quiet for over ten minutes did I try to communicate.

"Jasper?" I called, loud enough for him to hear and him alone.

"He's not here." I smiled weakly at the door.

"Okay. Well can you leave a message?" I kept my voice level and didn't let myself get hopeful. He didn't want to talk and I was going to respect that.

"Does it involve killing the person he loved?" I took in a sharp breath at his tone. He was angry, and holing himself in his room wasn't helpful.

"Tell Jasper, that I'll keep coming back. Even if he doesn't want me to, I'm here for him. He may hate me, want to kill me, but I could care less." He cut me off.

"Is that what you said when you pulled the lever, killing all those innocents inside Mount Weather?" I took a step back from the door, as his voice was louder and much closer.

"No. When I pulled the lever, I remembered my promise to Maya." The door burst open and a raging Jasper met me in the hallway. His hair was a mess and his eyes were red, his face angry as he stalked to where we were standing in the middle of the hallway.

"Don't you say her name." He hissed, I remains nonchalant even as he took a step closer. "You killed her, you don't get to say her name."

"You're right, I did kill Maya. I killed children, parents, elders. I killed people who helped us and people who hurt us." Jasper's fist clenched and I could see his internal anger beginning to over power his reasonable side.

"But that's what befalls me." I told him. "Everyone around me eventually dies. And I can't change that. Just like we can't bring people back from the dead." I sighed and rubbed my temple before looking back up into his angry, red eyes.

"Jasper, Maya loved you. She made me promise that when worst comes to worst, to sacrifice her in order to keep you alive. But it seems her sacrifice wasn't worth it." My eyes flicked to his trashed room. "Jasper, Maya wa-"