I'm Sorry Boris

Deep in Thought

The air was cold, stiff even. I wasn't really expecting it to be so cold and windy. But, then again I never really go out at night anyways. My nose and cheeks grew cold and pink as I continued my walk to the subway against the wind. 

I studied my surroundings. Every few buildings there would be a small light on inside with the distant noise of chatter and laughter from within. Most homes were dark and quiet though. The families being all home and tired after already talking of their day with one another. I sighed, wishing I had that life. The bare minimum but hey, that was something I dreamed of everyday as as a kid. And as an teenager. And now an adult. Today was my 18th birthday.

I must have been really deep in thought because before I knew it, I was standing before the entrance to the subway. It felt as if I had floated my way there rather than walk. I took a deep breath and rubbed my hands against one another to warm them up. 

I slowly walked down the stairs into the subway. A tall woman stood beside the gate. She looked tired, maybe her shift was ending soon. I smiled at her as I reached into my pocket to grab the money for the train. 

"Good evening" she muttered as she counted my money and grabbed a ticket. I smiled back at her in the hopes of maybe making her day a little less miserable but she never noticed.

As she handed me the ticket we made eye contact. Quick, maybe two seconds overall but deep, strong eye contact. As if from that moment we shared she knew my whole life story. She said "Good luck" to me as I went through the gate. Maybe she knew? Deep down. That I was too young to be buying train tickets at almost midnight and that normal kids are out partying on Friday nights rather than buying escape tickets. 

Or maybe my lack of human interaction made me overanalyze the whole interaction and she just said that to everyone. I shook my head, I'll never know.

I looked down at my ticket to find where I needed to go and I walked through the nearly empty halls to find my way out. There were some people there. Some were asleep, others high or drunk on the floor, and only one or two people who seemed to just be traveling to or from work like an everyday thing. 

A wave of relief came across me when I found my exit and I quickened my pace to go down the stairs. I sat down on a cold bench and set my belongings beside me. Fidgeting with my sleeves I looked down the hall. 

I didn't see anyone else at this exit but I could hear people laughing and chatting way down the hall. The echoes of their happy voices with family and friends made me miss Boris even more. 

As if on que my phone started ringing. Shocked, I slowly retrieved it from my pocket. It was the number from the phone station near my house. I considered not picking up but then looked at the time. It was the time when Boris would enter my room if he couldn't sleep. I left a note with my number on it for him to call me. It could be him. 

I smiled and took a deep breath, hoping I would hear my brother's sweet voice in a moment. I clicked the green button and put the phone up to my ear. 

"Hello?" I asked hesitantly.