Eli

Raise him for me

Eli POV

A month now without nick and I'm slowly losing it. All I can hear is that thing with the others and I can't do it anymore. Nick should be here yet he's not. I want, no need to have him in my arms again. I need to have his lips on mine. In all I need nick but I can't.

All I've been doing is sitting on the roof and my bed. Showering every day doing all the hygiene stuff just to keep my sanity. Darren has to sit with me at night because I have dreams of nick and wake up crying. He's the only one that can actually touch me and I won't go all demon on him.

Hannah goes to work still while Carl, Darren, Brandon and Lexi take care of it. But here I am, sitting on my bed, not doing anything. Thoughts racing but never actually sticking. Like I'm thinking so much but I'm not. My eyes staying on one spot of the wall.

A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts.

"I've got a sandwich for you, Eli. Can I come in to give it to you?" Lexi asked.

"Not hungry." I told her. She sighed but walked away anyway. Once again I got lost in my head when I felt a hand rub my shoulder and a kiss on my cheek.

"Eli." Nicks voice filled my ears.

When I looked to my side, I saw nick kneeling next to me on my bed with his hands on my shoulders. Tears fell as I looked at him.

"I've missed you, so so much." My voice cracked as I kept my eyes on him.

He smiled sadly as tears rolled down his cheeks as well. "I've missed you to. Baby you gotta eat, stay healthy."

"I can't. Not without you, I need you nick." I turned and put my hand on his cheek.

"Yes you can. Baby you can do this because you have our baby downstairs. He needs you, he needs his father not family friends. You don't know how perfect he is babe. Trust me Eli, he'll bring you light just like I did." He told me.

"He killed you. I can't even think of looking at it when it killed you." I cried.

"Don't think like that." Nick wiped my cheeks free of tears. "He's apart of me that will make you happy, he'll bring a smile on your face with every little thing he does. Eli he needs you, more than what I did. Please look after him, be his father. A father I can't be."

I stayed silent not knowing what to say. So I opted for a kiss that I've been craving for a month. Nick kissed back and after a couple minutes we both pulled away.

"He's like you." He smiled. "He's gonna be so hardheaded but so loving with those around him. Please Eli, do this for me. Raise our baby not the others."

"I can't do this without you." I sniffled.

"Yes you can. I'll be here every step of the way. You may not see it but I will be. You just have to raise him as his father. Make sure you do stuff with him. Play catch in the garden, read him stories before bed. Hold him when he needs you most. He's your son, Eli. He's gotta know you're there for him always and forever."

Slowly I nodded. "Ok, I'll do it."

"Thank you." Nick hugged me. "Remember I'll be with you every step of the way. All you have to do is look at him and you'll see me. I love you Eli, forever and always."

"I love you to, so fucking much nick."

We pulled away from the hug and looked each other over. My hands cupped his face and I captured his lips with mine. A slow passionate kiss that I wanted to last forever but it didn't. Soon enough I felt nick disappear from my hands and once again I was on my own.

Nicks words played in my head. But I can't seem to do it. Nick was my everything, my best friend, husband, rock and my world.

"Eli." Darren knocked the door.

"What?" I sniffled again and wiped my eyes.

"I got food for you." He replied. I flicked my wrist to make my door unlock and open. Darren walked in and handed me and plate with a ham and cheese sandwich on.

He's with me every step of the way.

I ate the sandwich then laid back on my bed. Darren laid next to me and pulled me in for a hug which I gladly accepted.

"You'll be alright. It's so hard in the beginning but as time goes on it'll get better. I promise it will." He broke the silence.

"How do you know?" I silently cried.

"When I was alive I lost the love of my life. Hannah knows she will never fully have my heart and is ok with that. She died of the plague and it made me angry so I went on a killing spree. Murdered twenty men, four women and five children. I regret it and that's how I got into hell. While living on earth as a demon I was still heartbroken. It was horrible at first, I didn't eat or sleep, but then I found a way to cope with it. I went to her grave every day and spoke to her knowing she'd hear me and smile back. I also got Hannah to help, I'm not saying go find someone because for you it won't work. But what I am saying is that you should go talk to his grave, there might not be a lot of words yet but there will be. It will get easier Eli, that I can promise."

Darren kissed my head like the father he is and left me alone. He shut my door letting me think about what he said. And I did, I can do this. I just have to think of the good, like nick always did.