I'll make him stay

Chapter 12

I looked at him,his words makes me cry more.Eyes really do speaks thousands of words,eyes is enough to express feelings.

"I'm a good listener"he said while seriously looking back at me

Akala ko kaya ko,akala ko palagi kong kakayanin na itago lahat ng sakit.I just realized that no matter how strong we think we are,sometimes we also need someone we can rely on and I know I have Chantal it just happened that she's not here now because she also have her own life,I can't expect her to be with me all the time.

I just wish for someone to hug me and keep on hugging me until if feels a little better. It's getting too heavy inside

I always act brave but sometimes,it feels good to also have someone whom I can tell that I'm also afraid and tired.

"It wasn't my fault..."I looked down and remembering everything that happened before "that car accident changes everything,that was years ago but it still affects our family"

I tried so hard not to stutter,I keep on sobbing,my tears won't just stop. Aziel looked down also and didn't say a word,he just keeps on listening to me.

"It was almost a decade ago when my grandparents died in a car accident,dead on arrival..." I wiped my tears,it hurts so much to remember that day "My dad is a doctor,he keeps on blaming himself,I knew he had so many regrets,ang sabi pa niya nagsisimula palang siya bumawi sa kanila pero bakit kinuha sila agad" I paused for a second,trying to stop myself from crying

"That day,his treatment to me changes.He used to support me no matter what I want to do from my dance competitions in school,he was there,always cheering for me and after that accident he changes a lot,palagi siyang galit,mainit ang ulo,hindi makausap ng maayos hanggang sa dumating yung araw na enrollment ko para sa grade 6,paguwi ko agad niyang sinabi na kalimutan ko na daw yung una kong pangarap,mag doctor daw ako,I didn't ask him about his sudden change,as usual I just stayed silent" I saw in my peripheral vision that Aziel looked at me for a second

"Doon nagsimula magbago yung samahan namin,naalala ko ilang araw ako umiyak dahil tinapon niya lahat ng diecast airplane models sa kwarto ko pinalitan niya yon ng mga medical books,pinuno niya yung kwarto ko ng mga bagay na tungkol sa medical at araw araw hindi niya ako hahayaan lumabas ng bahay hanggat hindi ako magbabasa ng libro..." habang naaalala yon parang mas gusto ko magalit

"Sinusunod ko lang siya noon,ginagawa ko lahat ng inuutos niya dahil kapag umuuwi siya at hindi ko masagot yung tanong niya ay papaluin o kaya hindi niya ako pinapalabas ng ilang araw,pinagtatanggol ako ni mom pero hindi rin siya palaging nandoon para sakin kaya pinilit kong basahin at intindihin yung mga libro para makalabas ako at makapunta kila Chantal..." I smiled when I remember Chantal,she was my home back then until now.

"Kaya dati para akong natrauma sa mga libro pakiramdam ko ang babasahin ko ay tungkol ulit sa medical hanggat sa nagkaroon ako ng pocket books dahil doon nahilig ako magbasa ng hindi na naaalala yung trauma ko nung bata ako"I smiled a bit and looked at him,he was already looking at me

"When I was in my fourth year highschool that's when I started opposing him,I told him I won't take the medical course he wants then that became our routine,we always used to fight. Earlier they were forcing me to signed a contract,stating that when I finished school I will work at their hospital and of course I disagree that's why I left,I didn't want to be controlled."

"All those times I've been trying so hard to pretend like everything's fine,but it's not" I continued

"You are so brave,you're such a strong person to carry all that burden.You passed the hardest  moments alone while everyone believed you were doing fine,you've done it before and you can do it again.There's always something to be grateful for"he said

"You know what,your words feels like a comfort,thankyou"I said to him amd he smiled at me

"Someday I want to look back and say 'Yes I worked hard,I did every possible thing I could have done and I am where I deserve to be.I will pursue my dream job no matter how hard the process is"I continued

"Sometimes parents kills dreams,don't let that happen to you. I believe in you,make it happen. Do it because they said you couldn't" Aziel said

"You were so good at giving advices huh"I said to him and he laughed a bit

"Before the only brave woman I knew is my mom but then I met you,you are both a perfect proof that there are so many strong women began as broken girls"

I don't know but his words were really comforting and encouraging,when he talks and starts saying advices and encouraging words it feels like you're gaining hope,it makes you believe in your self more,he has that kind of power when talks.

None of us talks again,couple of minutes had passed when my phone suddenly rang,it was my mom.

"Mom"

[anak,asan ka?how are you?]

"I'm here in a nearby park"

[My friend is on duty right now on a hotel I think it's almost an hour away,I'll send to you the address,stay there for a while okay?I'm fixing everything here so you don't need to worry,I got u. I love you anak]

After hearing that from my mom,I started having a teary eyes again,my mom wasn't always there because of her works but she always knew when to be there for me.She may not be there always but she's with me when I needed her the most.

[Okay mom,I love you too]

I waited for her text about the hotel,she said she already called her contact there and made a reservation for me but I don't know the route to get there and my phone right know only has 10% battery left and I think it won't last a bit longer so I don't have a choice but to ask aziel instead.

"Yeah I know that,my uncle is working there. Maybe it will take an hour to get there,kung walang traffic" He said

"Can you do me a favor?I'm sorry I don't want to bother you that much but I just really don't know the rou-" I stopped talking because he suddenly stand up

"No worries,I'll drive you there.ayusin ko lang parking ng motor ko at ibilin ko din muna sa crew ng store dahil kilala na naman nila ako" He said and walked towards the convenience store again

If I'm not with Aziel right know,I don't know where would I sleep,I know I can also call larisa or alessia but they propably sleeping right now and I don't want them to be worried for me and since Aziel also insisted,I'll just stay to that hotel for a while.

We're now on our way,I was just looking outside and I suddenly felt sleepy and I can't hold it anymore so I just decided to take a nap since I got a sudden driver for now.

When Aziel woke me up we were already at the parking lot of the hotel.What a good nap I got,It's really true that the sleep you get after crying is really a different vibe.

I stepped out of the car and texted my mom first.When I looked at Aziel,ngayon ko lang narealize na paano pala siya uuwi?ano ba naman to!sobrang naistorbo ko na talaga siya

"Lets go,lets take the stairs to get to the lobby"Aziel said

"Paano ka pala uuwi?"I asked

"Don't worry,mag commute nalang ako,may cab pa naman na nabyahe" He replied

"I'm sorry,I bothered you so much" sobrang laking tulong na nga yung pakikinig niya kanina tapos naistorbo ko pa siya lalo

"Sabi ko naman sayo na okay lang talaga,no need to be sorry,I'll be here when you needs me" He replied

I was about to go to the stairs when he suddenly called me and pulled me into a hug

I don't know why I didn't felt awkwardness anymore and instead I felt comforted.

I hugged him back

***

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