Absolution

Chapter 4: Consequence

Jisoo feels like her feet are cemented to the sidewalk. She can't move. Her mouth is hanging open and maybe she should call after her, try and justify this, but her words keep getting stuck in her throat. Soo Joo's out of her sight now but Jisoo is still staring in the direction that she walked off in.

Jennie walks out of the door of the restaurant then, concern etched on her face. She puts a hand on Jisoo's shoulder. "What happened?" She asks. Jisoo shakes her head. Her teeth start to chatter and she still can't speak. Jennie squeezes her fingers into Jisoo's shoulder and no she can't be touching her right now. Jisoo shrugs away from her touch. Jennie's hand still hovers just above Jisoo's shoulder and her eyes widen in surprise as Jisoo shakes her off. Jisoo takes a deep, shaky breath. She looks down.

"She knows." She manages to say though her teeth are chattering and she can't manage to speak above a whisper. Jennie drops her hand and casts her eyes downward. Jisoo hears her whisper a faint 'oh' and Jisoo snorts. They're silent for a moment.

"How?" Jennie finally asks and Jisoo lets out another bitter laugh.

"She saw us. Outside of the library." Jisoo crosses her arms and leans her head back. "God, one time. We were careless one time and this happens. Fuck." Jisoo looks over at Jennie, who is staring at her with a steely expression. She shrugs.

"Jisoo, she was going to find out eventually. You couldn't keep this a secret forever." Jennie says and Jisoo groans and she's still close to tears.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this. She wasn't supposed to see us. I was supposed to tell her and everything was supposed to be okay." Jisoo explodes, turning toward Jennie, throwing her hands in the air. Jisoo's breathing is heavy and Jennie looks like she wants to reach out to her. Jisoo doesn't know if she can handle feeling Jennie's hands on her now. "I need. I need to go somewhere. I need to think. I'll meet you back at the room or something." Jisoo says and takes a few steps forward. Jennie moves to follow her and Jisoo holds a hand up. "Please don't follow me. I need to be alone."

She walks away from Jennie and she doesn't look back. She can't. She crosses her arms and as she counts her steps, the tears that have been prickling at the back of her eyes start to fall.

Soo Joo knows.

Jisoo's stomach feels like it's in her throat and she ducks into an alley, her back hitting solid brick. She slides down the wall, not caring if her back gets dirty. Some dirt on her clothes is the least of her worries now.

She can't get Soo Joo's broken face out of her head. It's behind her eyelids when she closes her eyes and it's at the forefront of her mind even when her eyes are open. She sees Soo Joo's eyes filled with tears and the complete and utter defeat on her face.

She did that.

She broke the strongest person she knew.

Jisoo sobs and finally that knot in her stomach untwists and releases and she leans over and vomits into the alleyway next to her. She keeps sobbing. Her body is wracked with them and she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

She won't be able to fix this. There's no way. Her careful balance, her happiness, where she got to have both Jennie and Soo Joo was broken.

Everything would change now.

When Soo Joo walked away from her, Jisoo felt like one of her limbs was being taken with her. Soo Joo was as much a part of her as one of her legs. And when she walked away from Jennie, she might as well have left an arm behind too. Jennie had managed to become part of her as well.

(Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she wonders if she's upset because she's hurt Soo Joo or if she's upset simply because she's gotten caught and something has to end.)