Beginning of the End

Conflicting Loyalties

"No single agent is that important."

"Coulson is."

It was supposed to go back to normal. After Coulson was rescued, he no longer should have felt that sinking feeling in his stomach. But that wasn't the case. He felt even worse. Especially after Skye told him what she had heard Coulson had been saying "Let me die". He didn't want this. He shouldn't have become attached to this team. Becoming a member was a means to an end. For Garrett's recovery. But he couldn't stop himself. 

May... When he first heard that the Cavalry was going to be on the team-even as a pilot- all thought about was how he could make sure she wouldn't see through him. When he used that Asgardian staff to fight those maniacs, he got the opportunity to compromise her but still her gentleness and understanding were unexpected. Despite the fact that neither told the other what they saw, he found comfort in her.

Fitz... He knew that something changed between Fitz and him ever since that operation. When Fitz told him that Coulson had told him take care of him. He didn't know what to say. He was touched that Fitz took those words to heart. And after that day, Fitz's trust in him got bigger and he wished that hadn't been the case. He remembered Thomas and the well, how much Thomas trusted him  and how he failed to protect him. He was sure that something similar could happen with Fitz because he knew that either Garrett or Hydra higher ups would order their deaths one day. 

Simmons... Sometimes looking at her was harder than Fitz. Fitz's undying trust in him pained him  but sometimes just looking at her killed him. Saving her life was more than just to get the team's unconditional trust, no matter how much he denied it, it was. She was so sweet and trusting,  so innocent, so like... Elizabeth, someone else he failed to protect. In time, he started to see her as his little sister and wanted to protect her. He didn't know how he would be able to let anyone harm her or be the one who would hurt her.

Skye... She was the first to crack his barriers. When he learnt from John, he would be joining Coulson's team, they thought of dozens of what ifs. Coulson finding out, May finding out... But they never thought a Rising Tide hacker would join the team and crack the walls they had built for him. Skye was so... Unpredictable. She managed to warm her way into his heart and before he even realised what had happened he too began to develop feelings for her. She was his rookie and he couldn't let anyone hurt her. No one, not even Garrett.

Coulson... Whatever he was expecting from Coulson, it wasn't surely this new light-hearted man who joked and teased. In all honesty he found it odd-due to his reputation before BNY- and sometimes annoying -who was such a die hard Captain America fan boy at this age?- but he didn't only get used to it, he started to like it. When he gave Skye a second chance after Miles, he couldn't help but wonder if he really could betray such a good person but he dismissed those thoughts immediately, reminding himself that Garrett was more important. But now after learning what Garrett was willing to do to learn how Coulson was revived, he could see that Garrett would know no limits. 

He could no longer follow Garrett's orders. If Garrett put Coulson, a man he still considered to be his friend, through such pain and suffering who could know what kind of orders he would give regarding the rest of team.

With all these thoughts in his head, he left his bunk and made his way towards Coulson's office. He stopped before knocking. There would be no turning back. But he knew that if he wanted to do it, he would have to do it now, because he would never be able to gather up his courage for it again.

He knocked and entered without waiting for permission. Coulson looked at him.

"Ward, what has happened?" he asked, having noticed the stressed expression on the normally stoic specialist's face.

"Sir, there's something you need to know." he said quitely that Coulson almost didn't hear. 

He could still go back. He could find some excuse and stay loyal to Garrett. But did he want to?

"What is it?" Coulson said, not liking how quite Ward sounded. He was always confident and sure of himself and even when he wasn't he would never let it show. For some time neither talked then Grant said.

"It's... To be honest I am stuck in too deep. I don't know if I can-" he rambled some time later, his worry showing itself. 

"Ward, calm down." Coulson said, stood up and put a hand on his shoulder, hoping to ease the obvious anxiety he was feeling. "Whatever it is, I will help you. But I can't do that if you don't tell me what is wrong." 

Ward took a deep breathe. He wasn't going to turn back because he didn't want to.

"I know who the Clairvoyant is."