Trials and Tribulations

Chapter 39

A/N: I finished it and haven't been called back in to work yet! Double win for me....now I need some food as I've not eaten all day. Anyway...enjoy x

"Sure?" Camila asked Lauren as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's waist and buried her face against her chest once again. "I'm sure," Lauren replied, tightening her hold on Camila comfortingly and kissing the top of her head. "I'm just nervous," she admitted, rubbing Camila's back with one of her hands soothingly as she held her. "Same," Camila agreed, turning her face up to look at Lauren's once more, a small smile on her lips. "I....ww...www...wwanntt..." she started, but stopped, her speech too difficult to express what she was trying to say. "What about the others?" Lauren asked, knowing that they weren't alone in the house. "Not....invited," Camila joked and Lauren laughed in response. "Camz," Lauren said quietly after a minute when her chuckles had died down and wanting to clarify something with her girlfriend. "You're not doing this for me are you?" "No," Camila answered, shaking her head from side to side gently. "Me." She told her. "Why now?" Lauren asked her

interestedly. "Why tonight?" Camila shrugged in response, not because she didn't know why she wanted to take that step with Lauren tonight, but, because, still unable to speak properly, she couldn't share those reasons with her girlfriend. Once again Camila was trapped in her own head and she wished, more than anything that she could be articulate and vocal, that she could tell Lauren her thoughts, communicate the fact that she felt safe with her, that she was so sick of feeling ill and emotionally numb after her recent hospital stay and the medication that they'd given her that she'd give anything to feel truly alive again, even if it was just for a few minutes. That was how Camila felt when she was with Lauren, like she was finally able to experience the emotions that had been lost to her since the accident; happiness, contentment, and love. Before Camila had met Lauren, she'd been like her impaired left arm had been immediately after the accident, numb and useless, present but not functioning in its fullest capacity. Then, they'd had their chance meeting in the hallway on the first day of school and Camila had started to wake up, just like her arm had done. She'd begun to engage in things again, she'd started to find her purpose, become slowly more functional, and she'd felt those emotions return to her like the uncomfortable sensation of pins and needles which you experience after a dead arm, small at first; like the amusement that came with a badly told joke or the happiness of being included and not ignored because of your differences. Then, just as the sensation had continued to improve

in Camila's hand, the area growing bigger with every passing day,
so had the emotions she'd experienced. Thanks to Lauren, they'd evolved from simple moods such as happiness to allencompassing love and lust, anger and sorrow. She wasn't numb any more, she didn't just exist. She was alive and it had all been thanks to the girl whose arms enveloped her now, her saviour and her unknowing salvation, Lauren. That was part of the reason Camila had been so physical with Lauren recently, because it helped to be close to her, to be able to touch her and kiss her. Lauren made Camila feel again by just being herself, providing Camila with her quiet reassurances, her steadfast and unwavering support, her never ending presence, but, when she kissed Camila, when they were intimate, those feelings grew exponentially and somehow managed to block out all the negative thoughts that Camila still possessed at times, all the self- doubt. Camila needed her now more than she could ever know or understand because those thoughts were creeping back to her again, making her question if she had the strength to go through this all again, to start from the beginning with her speech once more as she faced the prospect of another long recovery. Aside from the emotional reasons that she wanted to be with Lauren, there was the fact that Camila was physically attracted to her girlfriend. She was entranced by Lauren's piercing green eyes, framed perfectly by her dark brows and prominent lashes. Her

long brown hair framed Lauren's face nicely, contrasting strikingly with her soft, pale, unblemished skin. Camila thought that she could look at Lauren all day and never get bored. Observing her was akin to studying a fine work of art, effortless but rewarding. Each glance affording you the opportunity to find beauty that you'd somehow missed on the previous one. Camila appreciated art when she saw it, art was captivating, and she was captivating. Lauren was one of the most exquisite pieces of art that Camila had ever seen and she found it hard to believe she'd ever find something lovelier or more magnificent in her entire life. Camila also had a basic need for physical contact, to experience the comfort that came from her girlfriend's supportive arms around her body, the reassurance she felt when Lauren's hands stroked her back soothingly or played mindlessly with her hair, or her fingertips. How just one kiss from Lauren could pacify her in an instant, driving away all her fears and anxiousness as though they were a light fog being carried away on a gentle breeze. The smaller girl wanted to share all of this knowledge and more with Lauren, but alas, she couldn't, and so she settled for doing the only thing that she could. She tightened her hold around Lauren's torso and lifted her face to meet Lauren's inquisitive stare for a moment before leaning forward slowly and planting a soft, chaste kiss on her girlfriend's lips affectionately. "Love," she said simply, resting her head back against Lauren's chest. Lauren smiled at the word as it rolled of Camila's tongue and kissed her head lightly