Trials and Tribulations

Chapter 44

It had been just over six weeks since Lauren had let Camila go. Six weeks since she'd broken both their hearts and the physical ache that she'd felt in her chest as she'd watched Camila's parents drive away was still present, still nagging at her every second of every day, reminding her of what she'd lost, of who she'd lost. They had been six long, miserable, lonely weeks and Lauren hadn't heard from Camila once. She'd had no letter, no phone call, and no text message from her. She'd heard nothing, and it was killing her, slowly but ever so surely. Lauren had endured six weeks without Camila's smile, without her laugh, her deep

chocolate eyes, her low raspy tone and her long soft locks of dark hair. She'd suffered without the presence of Camila's playful manner, her sharp intellect and her kind heart in her life. For six weeks Lauren had missed everything about Camila, every little detail, every small personal quirk her girlfriend had possessed, every minute and insignificant moment of physical contact that they used to share. Lauren had missed the way that Camila would furrow her brow when she was confused, how she'd scrunch up her nose adorably when she was nervous or how she'd pouted in an attempt to get her own way. She'd missed the way that Camila would look at her, the way that her eyes would light up mischievously when she was planning something, the way that her small hand had fit so comfortably within her own. For the last six weeks Lauren had been unable to trace the scar above Camila's left eye as she used to do, she'd been unable to play with her girlfriends' fingers mindlessly, kiss her soft lips tenderly or caress her cheek delicately with the pad of her thumb. All subconscious habits she'd developed, all small comforts when she was worried, stressed or agitated. All now lost; just like Camila. Lauren missed all these things and a multitude more about her girlfriend, but, mostly, she just missed her, she missed Camila. She missed her every single day. Lauren missed everything that Camila was, everything that she bought to her life, the way that she enriched it for the better, the way her future seemed less bleak when she pictured her in it. Lauren missed herself too; the person

that she was when Camila was with her, the way that she felt when they were together. She missed the way her face would ache because she was constantly smiling, the way Camila managed to soften her hard edges until there was virtually nothing left of them, the way that she made her happy. Lauren really missed being happy. Lauren wished that she could talk to Camila again the way that they used to do. She missed their deep, meaningful conversations and their lighthearted banter. She wished that they could stay up all night together discussing their hopes, their dreams, and their future as they had before, back when things were better, back when she'd not realised the extent of Camila's problems, when she'd still been living in happy and oblivious denial. If Lauren could just talk to Camila, she'd tell her that she only had one hope now; that she would come back to her. Lauren would tell Camila her solitary dream; for them to be together, to finally be reunited once more. That was all that Lauren wanted, all that she could think about and she didn't believe that it was asking too much for the universe to cut her a break in return for everything they'd had to go through together as a couple. The day that Camila had left town Lauren had remained in bed; too depressed to go to school, too upset to face walking the same hallway that they'd met in, to pass by Camila's now empty locker or sit in the same seats she

normally did during the classes they'd shared, the one beside her now painfully and obviously vacant in Camila's absence. Lauren couldn't remember another time in her entire life when she'd ever cried so much as she did that first day. She'd felt like she was suffocating from the force of her sobs, the allencompassing grief she'd experienced ripping her insides asunder violently, making her feel nauseous and lightheaded. She hadn't eaten at all that first day, her appetite gone and replaced with an insatiable hunger for only one thing, one person; Camila. That was all that her body craved, the only sustenance that it wanted but, that was exactly what she couldn't have, the person who she coveted instead now miles away, condemned to a prolonged and involuntary residence in a treatment centre that specialised in the rehabilitation of people suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder and depression. Camila was all that Lauren could think about and every waking moment was spent remembering her, the way that her smile could make Lauren's stomach flutter, the way her lips, pressed softly against her own had sent a shiver down her spine, the way their interlocked fingers had made her feel warm and loved. Lauren was unable to forget Camila for even a minute, she couldn't even have one moment of blissful reprieve, because everything reminded her of the things they'd done together, of the places they'd been, the experiences they'd shared. Lauren had tried to bury herself back into her school work, had studied hard to try and make up the grades which she'd