Shinkami Oneshots

Spam

Sorry for the late update
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This is what my sleep deprived brain thought up
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Partially inspired by a discord comment
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✨enjoy✨

"Are you all ready?" I look at Mina and Sero on either side of the desk then solemnly at Kirishima, sitting backwards on a chair across from me.

"Ready when you are Bro." Kirishima speaks, Sero and Mina nodding.

"Okay."

Opening my back I pull out four things.

A large bottle of hand sanitizer.

A can of uncooked span.

A serving fork.

And a lighter.

There's a reason we got to school before Bakugo and Shinso. Even before Iida.

"But why do we need to be at school?"

"Because, a desk would work best."

They all nod and watch as I open the bottle of hand sanitizer. I pour out a generous amount over the desk then open the can. Sticking a piece of meat on the fork I hand it to Kirishima.

"Okay, we gotta be careful. I'm not quite sure what it'll do."

"I thought-"

Oops.

I flick on the lighter and I watch as flames leap up on the desk.

"Kiri quick! Quick!"

He holds the spam over the fire but it quickly dies down. Sero goes to add more but that's a bad idea. I know because I did my homework.

"No! Sero don't-"

But the flames leap do the bottle of hand sanitizer. Panicking, Sero throws the flaming bottle away.

"Mina! Get your phone out, this is gonna be sick!"

I leap over desks to the fire.

Guess what, you can't stomp out the fire on a bottle of hand sanitizer.

"Kami! Your shoes are on fire!" Mina screams, griping Seros arm.

I kick them off but one hits Mr. Aizawas desk, covered in paperwork.

Shit.

"Scatter!"

We all run to get out the door but two bodies block the way.

"I thought it was suspicious you all volunteered to to- WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DUMBASSES DO?"

"Kami said-"

Stfu Kirishima. It isn't manly to snitch.

"Uh, you see, Kiribro wanted some spam yeah? But uh the microwave wasn't working... so I thought we could cook it over a fire."

"SO YA CAME TO SCHOOL?!"

"Want some Bakubro?" Kirishima holds out the fork, a cooked piece of spam on it.

Well, it worked.

"Give me that. Why...? YOU FUCKING COOKED IT WITH HAND SANITIZER?!"

"Quit squabbling over that crap and help me put the fire out."

Hitoshi reappears with a bucket of water. Following his lead I take off my jacket and soak it then lay it over the fire.

Within a few minutes the flames out out but a chemically smoke fills the air.

"Dumbasses get the fuck outta here. It isn't fucking safe." Bakugo ties his jacket around Kirishimas mouth and leads him out of the room, pulling the fire alarm.

Hitoshi leads us out onto the front lawn where pro hero's and the teachers line up.

Aizawa sees us come out, Hitoshi has a tight hold on my wrist so I can't run.

"Good morning Mr. Aizawa!"

"I knew it was you idiots." He groans, sitting on the ground. "Start from the beginning."

"Well, ya see..."

"No excuses, just what happened."

"I, uh, accidentally lit your desk on fire."

He runs a hand over his face and glares at me, as if planning my death.

"But it's not all bad Mr. Aizawa! I got it on camera!" Mina chimes in, pointing at her phone.

"You did? Awesome!" I want to look at the video but Aizawa snatches the phone.

"We'll need this for evidence."

"Aww."

"And how, may I ask, did you bring fire into the classroom?" He's answered when Bakugo yells.

"YOU CAN'T FUCKING EAT SOMETHING COOKED WITH HAND SANITIZER." Bakugo holds the fork away from Kirishima, a shark bite already missing from the spam.

"But Kami said-"

"Dunce face is a fucking idiot. I said to never listen to him."

Eventually the verdict is passed.

I'll have in school suspension for three weeks, and Sero, Mina and Kirishima all have detention for a week and a half.

Not fair if you ask me.

It's not MY fault Kiribro was hungry.

But that's nothing compared to what's coming.

Shinso pinches my ear and drags me away.

"WhattttTtttt?"

"Why, darling, did you think it would be a good idea to light a desk on fire?"

When he calls me darling that's never a good thing.

"I, uh."

"Did you even THINK?"

I flinch when he raises his voice and stare at my socked feet.

"Fucking idiot. You could've been hurt."

"I'm sorry..." Tears well in my eyes as I genuinely feel bad for what I did. Hito shouldn't have to worry for me. "I swear I won't do it again."

"Idiot, don't cry. I'm not mad... I'm just upset. If you won't do it again then there's nothing to worry about." Hitoshi wraps his arms around me, surprising us both.

"Sorry... I wasn't thinking." I mumble into his shoulder. "I'm an idiot."

"It's not that you don't think. You just think too fast and sometimes your brain forgets a few steps."

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✨Arson✨