Starborne

Chapter 12

Stefin didn't speak a word to me all the way back to the palace. To his credit, I also stayed silent, even though my anxiety was threatening to bubble over into a mess of explanations and apologies. I didn’t owe Stefin anything - not a justification for why I was in my ship, nor a reassertion that my intent was to honor the agreement. I was trusting him with a lot here, and he had to start having faith in me, as well. 

This time, the Prince didn't bother dragging me behind him by my wrist. It was apparent that there was nowhere I could possibly run, and we had just left the only place on Cynabar where his authority would ever be in question. So, I was resigned to hurry after him like a puppy on an invisible leash. If I thought he didn’t slow his pace down for my comfort before, this was even worse. As punishment, he quickened his strides to a near impossible speed, leaving me jogging to keep up with him, a silent dare to not fall too far behind.

By the time we reached the palace, I was sweaty and out of breath. Coupled with my extreme anxiety, and irritation with Stefin, the calm I had manufactured from within my ship's cockpit had been all but destroyed. Like water poured on the hot sands of the planet Rethesda, two systems over, my anger formed into a steam; bubbling up and evaporating all good feelings in its path.

To my credit, I tried to control my temper - I really did. I knew that an explosion of emotion would not work in my favor, so I silently prayed that I would be allowed to return to my room without further provocation. 

“You didn’t really think that would work, did you? If you’re going to try and get out of a commitment, you’re going to have to be smarter than that.” So much for avoiding confrontation. 

“I suppose you’re too crotchety and jaded to believe me when I say I was just checking on my ship?” It came out sullen and more pouty than I intended.

“I suppose dealing with you on a regular basis has made any number of people jaded, or at the very least satisfiably numb.” stefin's acerbic tone bit back, and I swallowed the hurt in my chest to see that he was really upset with me. I toyed with the idea of allowing him to stew in his anger, but decided that some fast diplomacy was what this conversation needed.

“You’re allowed to not trust me, even if I think it’s unfair. However, I’d appreciate you slowing down for a second to work with me here. How the hell do you suppose I would go about getting my ship out of the hangar?” I tried to make my voice as reasonable as possible, without any hint of emotion. “You can call the base and confirm that they're not done with repairs. I didn’t have the clearance to even be there, never mind to try and submit a flight manifest.” 

“I suppose I can attribute those facts to your seemingly incomprehensible idiocy.” 

“You know by now that I have no intent of leaving. There's nowhere to go, even if I was able to make it off-world in the first place. If you want to be mad at me and insult my intelligence, go ahead. Just don’t keep pretending that you actually see this as an escape attempt.” 

“You’re not here of your own free will, why wouldn’t you try to find a way out?” This question was muttered, his voice lowered so that only I could hear. There was the usual flat, matter of fact cadence that I had come to expect of Stefin, but underneath a glimmer of something more. 

I wouldn’t go so far to say that his voice expressed any sort of vulnerability, but from the set of his jaw I perceived something even more surprising. Hurt. Stefin was upset not only by my perceived betrayal as it related to our legal situation, but also by the implication that I would so blatantly abandon our agreement. 

This mood change pulled at my heart, and part of me wanted to switch gears and convince him that I wouldn’t run away. Pride, however, wired my jaw shut.