The Boys Who Suffered

Chapter 4 - Living just seemed to cruel to even consider

The Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher knew what was going on inside the young boy's head, for he had thought the same plenty of times. Only he had realized, every single of those times, that it was, indeed not worth it.

'I stood at this very edge plenty of times, when I was just a student. However, I never jumped, even though on some days it seemed more tempting than on others. I just couldn't do it for some reason, and now that I'm here I'm happy I didn't."

Silence fell upon the both of them as the heaviness of those words sunk in. It made Draco shiver even more than he already was. He never truly realized how hard it had been for young Remus Lupin, even though he knew all the stories. His father loved gossiping about anything and anyone, even more than his mother did. He had grown up learning horrible things about so many of his current teachers it often made him feel guilty.

Remus quickly realized his speech had not more bad than it had done good and followed his heart-breaking confession with a light: "Chocolate?"
He offered the only Malfoy child a broken, somewhat melted bar of chocolate, as it had been pressed firmly against his body, heating up slowly as he carried it with every day. The blond only dared to chuckled softly at the stupidity of it all, the uselessness, before breaking off an edge of the bar and biting on it. The lycanthrope didn't take his eyes of the young boy until he had heard the satisfying snap of the chocolate being bit, knowing for sure he had taken it.

"Are you sure they paced you in the right house?" Draco joked under his breath, but this time his words weren't designed to cause harm and Remus could hear it, "you seem more of a Hufflepuff to me."

"You know, I'm still not sure to this day," the old man smiled truthfully before taking a piece of the chocolate too and silently enjoying it by himself. He didn't think of himself as brave, he was everything daring. James, of course, thought otherwise, as he always did, for how could Remus Lupin himself not be brave after what he went through, and what he still does every month? Sirius, the man banished by his family, knew that the werewolf loved by his didn't hold himself as high as he did. Therefor he promised to compensate, he would set the young student on a throne so high no one could dare reach him, as young Moony buried himself deeper and deeper with every full moon.

"Draco, are you sure you're alright?" The once scared Gryffindor student asked again. He still expected the stupefy charm to be cast, though the young Malfoy seemed to have no such plan as tears welled up his eyes again. He bit the chocolate desperately, anything to keep them from coming, the demons he held so deep within.

"I have to be," was all he got as a response, the mask his father gave him falling off, first the edges, then completely, revealing nothing but a boy. He reminded the teacher of Sirius, oh his Sirius, burdened with the weight of his name. They were the same age, him and Draco, when Sirius tried his utter best to uphold the Black family. He should've had very different things on his mind: girls, romance, drinking, butter beer, getting wasted with the four of the, but he grew up quicker than James or Peter ever could. That's why him and Remus got along so well, both pushed into adulthood.

"You don't really, that's the thing. You always have a choice, even if it doesn't feel like you do," wise words from a wise man. Remus, indeed, was wise beyond his years. One could tell by his eyes and the many stories they kept within, some happy, some so sad one would never feel joy again if these tales were ever released from their prison. The ex-student had once felt like this too, as if there was no other way out except this one for the choice of living just seemed to cruel to even consider. After years of being dragged through life by his friends, only then did he realize how beautiful it all was.

"Stay for a while," Remus whispered to Draco, his voice warm but pleading.

They both looked down at the emptiness below, the West Tower was one of the most abandoned places of Hogwarts, except for the owls of course. No one knew they were here, and no one ever would. The scariest thing to Remus was that even now the black abyss still called to him and for a split second he thought about answering.
Then, the blond looked up at his teacher, right into his green eyes, as if hoping to unlock those tales, for they might help him figure out why the werewolf chose to continue roaming this earth and why he had such difficulty deciding. It was for the first time that Moony, as he was once coined, noticed the small scar on the young Slytherin's face. He guessed he didn't want to know how they got there, but he had some presumptions.

"No one cares anyway, it just seems so peaceful if it would just stop," Draco's voice shattered, as did he. The last word was drowned out by the tears reconquering their stolen land, crashing down to the floor as they cascaded from his cheeks. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagines Remus Lupin and himself sitting on the edge of what could have been his suicide, eating chocolate and being vulnerable together. He knew his younger self would've hated him right now, though he had stopped caring.

The young Malfoy felt trapped in his own skin, he clawed and screamed from the inside but nothing seemed to help; it was all in vain. There was no freedom for him, not after what he had done. No one could save him anymore, they were all too late, for his promise had sealed his fate before they could stop him.

"It does seem that way, yes," the teacher who normally avoided being this vulnerable due to the pain it brought him, revealed just a glimpse of the man behind his walls, the true Remus and not this man he sometimes pretended to be.

"Think of the people you'd leave behind: friends, family, left to mourn. You'll only pass your pain on to them. Would you want that for the people you love?" Professor Lupin of all people that could've met this young and broken boy that night, asked him. Those were the very words Sirius had screamed at him one night, after finding him deep in the dark forest, awaiting anything or anyone that would want to take him down. Those were the only words that had ever made him rethink, at that time, what it was he was doing. The tears in his Padfoot's eyes as he threw those hurtful sentences at a boy so terribly lost he did not dare to listen. For he thought there was no turning back, longing for a way out would only make it hurt more if he didn't find any.

Those words had saved him, and now he was passing them on in the hope that it would safe this suffering boy in front of him. He hoped with all the heart he had left that Draco would just listen, for ones.