The Boys Who Suffered

Chapter 5 - Imperfect Replica

"I already made my family suffer, they won't be able to tell the difference from this pain I'll pass down or the pain I've caused them already," Draco confessed to something which seemed such a big, unforgiveable thing to himself, that he somewhat expected his professor to understand it too. It had seemed al throughout this conversation that he knew all the answers, so why did the man he had trusted his greatest secret with, look so utterly confused? The blond let out some loud sigh as more and more salty teardrops flooded from his stormy grey eyes. How he longed for his mother's hug right now, his father's approval or any sign that he was loved at all.

"Whatever you did can't have possibly caused that. I remember your mother, what a loyal woman she was when I met her. There is not a thing in this world that could make her stop caring," the teacher which had once sit behind those very desks and made friends with people who now were nothing but his pupil's parents, remembered Narcissa Black. She was a strong, courageous but above all loyal woman back when they were kids, he had never met her after graduation but he just knew she hadn't changed.

"I dirtied the family name, I fell in love with someone I will never be allowed to marry and who doesn't even love me back. And to redeem myself and my family I made the stupidest decision yet."

There it was, the confession. These words had laid so heavy on Draco Malfoy's heart he was afraid he would hit the ground in less than a second if he were to jump, because of all the extra weight. Now as he had said those words, he felt a whole lot lighter, but the darkness that accompanied his story never truly leaved him, it just stepped back for a second to admire its work. A broken boy sat before Remus, and this was the first time he had realized this. A boy so afraid and lost, that it was a reflection of himself all those years ago.

"Listen to yourself Draco," Remus spoke as Draco looked confused over those words, whatever he had said seconds before had been wiped from his memory so it seemed. "You wouldn't want to leave that girl behind now, would you? There is so much more you haven't tried yet. Trust me, you'll want to stay for a while."

Whoever it is he loved, he deserved time to be happy with them, he deserved those years they talk about in fairy tales, happily ever after, forever and always, a never-ending story. The young boy that sat before him deserved that time which he so desperately didn't want. There were many things he wanted to say to the boy who had suffered so thoroughly, yet when he opened his mouth to begin his speech a soft whisper next to him intervened with: "that boy."

Draco Malfoy was crying still, shivering and blushing at the same time, but above all he looked guilty, like a child whose parents had just caught him stealing sweets from the upper cupboard, the kind of guilty which was followed by fear of punishment.

"What was that?" Remus asked. It couldn't be, for if it was then Draco and he were alike to such an extent it scared him. No, it had been his imagination, he surely imagined it. He thought so not because he didn't approve, on the contrary it made no difference to him, it was just that he had loved a boy too when he was at his darkest times, and he had been so very sure that love was unrequited.

"My father dishonoured me for loving a boy I was raised to hate. The only way I could restore his faith in me, the only way he wouldn't hurt me," Draco's voice broke, his breathing hitched as he uttered those words, "was to join him."

He hated himself for doing so, he hated the world for being against him, he hated everyone and everything for they had not stopped him, but most of all he hated his own mind for doing what he had done and thinking, for just a moment, that it was just.

Remus his eyes grew wide, it couldn't be. Was Draco not the perfect replica of himself after all? Whatever it was he assumed, was confirmed when the crying child, as he still was one, rolled up his sleeves, ugly cries filling the air between them which, not even a minute before, had felt so welcoming and warm.

Hiding behind self-harming scars, some fresh and some old, was a dark ink so hateful that it made Remus Lupin forget all the sorrow and compassion he had felt for Draco, even if it was just very briefly. A Death Eater mark stared him right into his eyes, stealing his breath as he was at a loss for words. What should he say? There was no turning back from this as he had thought before, he couldn't help poor Draco Malfoy with the situation he had gotten himself into.

"Still sure you want me to stay?" Draco said, defeated at last.