Letters for Sally

Chapter 4

Chapter 4
Sally woke up clinging to her mother's pillow.  She sat up and saw the black Mascara on the pillow cover and thought to herself, "why did I wear that yesterday?"  She had fallen asleep in her mother's bed and woke up a little lost as to where she was.  Her head was pounding and her eyes hurt and felt swollen and raw.  Her body felt like it had been hit by a truck that backed back up onto her again only to hit her twice.  She had never felt so tired and in such pain before in her life. She also felt a new feeling that found its way into her heart and mind, loneliness.  She had been lonely before sure but today there was an emptiness she had never experienced before, a hole in her heart and hole in her life.  She wasn't sure how she would deal with this.  Normally she would work these kinds of feelings out with her mother but her mother was under the ground, she looked at her hand as she remembered throwing a handful of dirt on top of the casket right after they lowered it into the ground.  That whole day was confusing and hazy like a complete nightmare that she couldn't wake up from.  She was so tired and the feeling of being completely alone was overwhelming and almost too much to bear.  She wondered what her mother would tell her about her pain and decided to go drink a big glass of water.  Her mother often told her to try water before a pain pill as that often would take care of many pain issues.  She closed her eyes, whispered, "ok momma I can still listen to you." and went to get a big glass of water from the kitchen. 

As she entered the dining room she could smell sausage and eggs cooking. The buffet had a normal full breakfast with fruit, milk, and a choice of two juices apple and orange.  Sally wasn't hungry.  She had not felt the pain of hunger in three days.  She lost her appetite that day at school when she was told something had happened to her mother and she had already passed away.  She shook her head to try to forget, try to not replay the whole scene again in her mind.  She was still wondering when this bad dream was going to end and she would wake up and get ready to go to school to do her PowerPoint presentation.  It was all just too much.

Roger appeared in the doorway with a bottle of water held out toward her.  "You're going to need this honey, crying will dehydrate a person quickly." Sally smiled a small, weak, semi fake, smile and nodded her head in agreement.  She drank the entire bottle in one drink and handed the bottle back to him.  He disappeared into the kitchen and was back with a second bottle within seconds. "Here honey, drink a little more it will help with your pain."  She wondered how he knew, how he read her mind but then let the thought go.  Thinking, thoughts in general, was all just too exhausting to pursue.  She went to walk back toward her room and Roger said, "I am not going to let you starve, girl... I love you too much.  Please take a seat and I will have your food right out."  She felt something, not exactly hunger but a tiny desire to eat eggs.  Maybe she was just too exhausted and overwhelmed to argue but she sat down and decided to eat what he had lovingly cooked for her.  She felt alone.  In a way Roger was now her only family.  However, she knew he had a wife and kids of his own and she wasn't really family.  He worked for her and her mother... Well now just her.  A tear stung the inside of her eye as she realized this fact.  Her mother and father's family was distant and she only saw them on holidays.  She felt completely alone, lost and all she could do was eat the eggs one bite at a time and stare at the plate in front of her.  Roger stood in the doorway looking at her with a soft frown on his lips. She looked to meet his gaze and a half-smile appeared on his face. "I am not sure how but we will get through this. You're a brilliant and resilient young lady and your momma taught you everything you need to know.  Your almost 17 honey and your mother raised a very competent and amazing young woman.  This Is not going to be easy but your mom and dad both would have wanted you to keep moving forward."  She knew deep inside of herself he was right.  She knew it would eventually be ok or at least she could find a new normal. At least that is what she had been told already.  However, knowing it and believing it are two different things and right now she wasn't sure she believed it.  How could she ever be ok or find a new normal?  How could she ever deal with the loneliness she was currently feeling?  Her whole world was gone, just gone.  She was defeated and raw with no energy to fight for her own life.  She looked up at this man who had been more than a cook, more like a father figure all these years who happened to make amazing food too.  She smiled, this time it wasn't fake, weak and small, but not fake and said, "Roger, thank you, I needed to hear that."