wildflowers;

Comparisons

It was an average day, I was sitting at the corner of my bedroom, reading one of the many books I owned. The atmosphere was engulfed in the aroma of my freshly brewed cup of green tea. I wondered what I'd be doing now if I put myself out there a little more. This was my current definition of a normal day, what would it be if I were someone like Heather Brooks- the girl that everyone knew. She was astonishingly beautiful, with long bouncy curls and a pearly white smile.

Heather came from a wealthy family, not having to worry about her expenses, spending her parent's money blindlessly. She had a new boyfriend very week, going through the same few guys that somehow kept coming back to her. Her love life was an endless cycle of make up sex, public displays of affection, arguments and break sex.

The amount of friends I had was the opposite of the number of stars in the sky. Both were uncountable but for different reasons; I didn't have any friends sum up while there were too many stars to place a specific number on just merely by looking at the sky. Ironically, Heather probably had an uncountable amount of friends, much like the stars.

I suddenly felt extremely unmotivated, deciding to put my book down. It didn't feel as inspiring as it did when I first saw the curt summary at my local bookstore. Was it because of the difference in the environment? The bookstore was filled with the quiet chatter of customers contemplating with each other whether or not to buy a certain book. My room on the other hand, was a lonely pit of depression, harbouring the memories of all my past trauma and unfortunate childhood memories.

What was it that caused my life to seem so bland compared to all of my other peers and family members. At gatherings and social events, everyone would have a humorous childhood story to tell and lighten up the mood. While I only had memories of telling my siblings to calm down when my parents yelled and threw vulgar slurs at each other. Though, it would be wrong of me to just blame it all on my broken family, I didn't exactly put any effort into my social life to make it interesting either.

That's when I realised; all this time, I've only been comparing myself to other people, making myself seem like a lonely pile of dirt that was being kicked around by the children in a playground. I never should've done that in the first place, I am my own person and if I'm able to feel content this way, then there really shouldn't anything different about it.

18.11.2020