falling

~chapter 3~

They stayed away from each other for months. The divide between Pogue and Kook reached an all time high. John B stayed off of Figure 8 and Sarah stayed off The Cut.

And then he saw Sarah at the beach while he was with the Pogues. They had dragged him out but his eyes were still black underneath and his heart still felt heavy having lost two people. But when he looked at Sarah, she was laughing with her friends and playing volleyball and it looked like he was never in her life to begin with. He knew it wasn't fair, that he had broken her first, but he was angry. Angry that it didn't look like she missed him like he missed her.

He didn't know that she was angry too. Not necessarily at him. Because she understood that his father was gone and he needed to heal. When her mother died, she needed human interaction to heal. Maybe John B didn't. So she waited for him. But then she saw him drag his arm around a Touron at the Boneyard and whisper something into her ear.

"He broke up with me and now he's with some random girl."

"Forget about him." her Kook friend told her. "You need to find a new guy to get over him."

She recoiled at the thought. She still only wanted John B. When she looked over at him to see the Touron kissing him though, she decided she needed to be done with John B. And Topper had always had a crush on her, so what was the harm in trying?

Something in him broke when Kiara told him Sarah went on a date with Topper. When Kiara told

him the date went well and they were official, John B about had it. He has messed around with other girls while she was gone, most of them he couldn't even remember because had been so intoxicated. But she was dating someone, willingly dating him. His stomach. burned when he thought about the possibility of her kissing Topper, of her sleeping with Topper and making all the noises she used to make with him. He wondered whether she loved Topper, whether she said it into his neck the way she did with him. If she caressed his knuckles when he was stressed or if she slept with her leg wound around Topper's leg the way she did his. He stopped drinking but sleep seemed even harder to come by now that Sarah held hands with someone else.

It caught him by surprise when he found himself at Sarah's door and Topper answered. Made him feel like he had intruded and that they were a happily married couple and he was her old affair. He waited for Sarah to come to the door with his tail between his legs. He has planned on trying to get her back. But obviously that would not work out. So he decided on being friends.

She stared at him when she came to the door. His eyes were glazed over and he felt exactly how he did when he was 10 years old apologizing for spitting at her feet.

"Hey." He didn't know what else to say. How do you begin to apologize to the girl you let get away?

"Hey," she said a little breathily. "What are... What are you doing here?"

His fingers fiddled behind his back. "Um." he couldn't seem to find his words. He was utterly amazed that he was looking at her again, that her eyes were still as memorizing as they were before. He cleared his throat. "I just wanted to come over and talk. I didn't realize you would have company."

Sarah looked behind herself before responding. "Yeah. Topper and I.."

"I know." he didn't want to hear her say it. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." his eyes met hers the same way they did when they were 10 and his hair again fell onto his face. He pushed it back. "For everything. For treating you the way I did. For pushing you away and drinking when you told me to stop and for not letting you hold me. I don't know what was wrong with me," he breathed. "I know I'm too late. I understand if you can't forgive me this time."

Her eyes looked red around the rims now. She didn't know what to say. She wanted to run into his arms and thank him for finally coming back to her. But she couldn't because she knew Topper was standing right behind the wall watching their entire exchange. And as much as she wanted to, she couldn't just go back to him because he was ready now. Not when he had pushed her away like that in the first place. And Topper. What would she do with Topper? There was no other choice, her and John B simply could not be together

"I forgive you, John B." His eyes looked watery and he looked so unsure of himself.  "We can be... Friends." It broke her heart to call it that. To have gone from enemies to friends to lovers and then demoted back to friends. There was no doubt in her mind, she loved him, the same way she had all those months ago when she uttered it into his skin. But if there was one thing she was taught by her father, it was to move on and not look back.

"Friends." He repeated, like he was trying to convince himself they weren't anything more. "We can be friends." he said.

She smiled a little at him. She was happy to have him back, even if it meant they couldn't kiss and make love like how they used to. She was just happy to have him back again. He returned the smile.

"I should get going then." She saw his eyes peer behind her, unsure of what to do next. So she made the first move and brought him into a hug. She felt her heartbeat quicken when their chests touched. "I'll see you around then." he said when they parted.

"See you around." she hadn't even realized that's exactly what they had said when they were 10. This time, her heart ached as she watched him walk to his van and turn around to look at her once more. How could they ever just be friends?

x

John B's apology at her doorstep plagued her thoughts for weeks on end. She could read him like a book, sense how nervous he was by the way he ran a hand through his hair and played with his fingers behind his back. Most of all she could tell he was sad by the way his eyes still replayed the same sorrowful gaze it had when his father died. She was intrigued with the idea that she could take in the entirety of him simply by watching the way he moved, how his lips quirked, and his eyes welled.

Kiara was thrilled when she found out her and John B had made up. She wasn't exactly very secretive about her disliking Topper and Sarah knew she had been hoping that her and John B had gotten back together.

"Oh," was her response when Sarah revealed to her that John B was only a friend. Kiara looked a little confused.

"Well it's only a matter of time," she concluded.