Haikyuu, Pain and Gay Shit

𝓘'𝓵𝓵 𝓦𝓪𝓲𝓽🌸

Matsuhana
T.W. suicide mentioned
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Matsukawa Issei POV

I laid silently in my room with my hood up and phone beside me. I didn't say anything when Tooru called me, I just felt my world crashing down. I made my bestfriend, the love of my life, attempt suicide. I grabbed my phone and unlocked it, I looked at my homescreen and a wave of guilt washed over me. The picture was of me and Takahiro at a festival, Tooru and Hajime were in the background. Makki was smiling and I only just noticed we were holding hands.
I don't think I'll ever be able to look him in the eyes again after this. I fucked up so badly, Tooru won't tell me if he's okay and Hajime hasn't answered my calls... I felt tears run down my face but I kept a blank expression and kept my eyes on the picture. I text Makki.
"I'm sorry Hiro"
Thats all I sent before breaking down completely. My broken sobs filled the room and I dropped my phone putting a hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. Nice going Issei. You just hurt and probably lost your bestfriend.
"What you did wasn't right, but I know you oush everyone away and keep to yourself when you're scared or hurt Issei.."
"Hajime...?"
"Hm?"
"I-I didn't mean for any of this..."
"..I know Issei, I know..."
I broke down sobbing again and he said nothing, he only rubbed my back.
"I'm s-uch a fuck u-up!"
"..."
"I jus-t lost h-him..."
"No you didn't, give him time and make it up to him Issei. I'm sure he'll forgive you.."
"And i-f he doesn't..?"
He was quiet for a minute.
"Then let him be happy without you... you'll find someone like him again.."
"No one i-is like hi-m.. no one.."
He went quiet and comforted me. More hours passed and now I'm laying on the couch, a plate of food on the coffee table. I had no appetite, I couldn't even think of anything but... him..
Hajime is still here but we haven't said much since I calmed down. I want to call him but I know Tooru has his phone... and the last thing you said to him was that you hated him.
But I don't, I'm so sorry Takahiro. I love you and I'm sorry I fucked up so badly.

Hours had passed but I was finally calm and I checked my phone. 5 missed calls from Hajime and a text saying he was on his way... he'll yell at me too but every word he says will be true. The bedroom door open and I looked at Hajime before looking at my phone and started at the homescreen.
"You're stupid," he snapped.
"I know.." is all I could say. He said almost everything Tooru did and every sentence he said all I said was I know. He was staring at me before sighing.
"He's fine," he mumbled, sitting beside me.
"No thanks to me..."
"Why did you ignore him?"
"I hate change, I didn't want to lose him, and I was upset.. he could go anywhere in the world and replace me with anyone, fall in love with anyone, and it scares me.."
"So you ignored him?"
"..."
Takahiro, I've hurt you and I'm sorry, I know sorry isn't enough but let it be my start, please. I'll make it up to you and I'll make sure I don't do it again. I am so sorry for what I've done Takahiro. I don't expect forgiveness but I'll wait as long as it takes for you to forgive me. Even if by then you have someone else, even if by then we're old and wrinkly, even if by then I'm just a lost memory, even if by then you have a happy family, even if by then you have a happy life without me in it. I'll wait for as long as I have to. And if you don't then I'll watch you get married and have kids from a far, I'll be by your side when you die if I haven't already gone on. Even if you forget about me and I become an after thought I'll still be waiting and I'll still be nearby. I'll be the shoulder you can cry on and the person you can rely on whenever I need to be. Because Hanamakki Takahiro.. I love you more than anything in the world and I'm more sorry than words can express.I'll be here waiting Takahiro,for as long as I have to I'll wait. I love you.